To wish we could stop over complicating Christmas

[Beswitched]

Ever more elaborate decorations, Christmas boxes, expensive branded advent calendars, fancy alternatives to the standard Christmas Dinner, competitive posts on Facebook, manic manic shopping, trips to lapland, Secret Santa angst etc etc and the whole shebang starting in November.

Aibu to wonder what happened to a couple of presents from Santa, simple presents for family and friends, putting the beloved and tattered decorations up a few days before Christmas and enjoying a roast dinner together?
It all seems to have become so elaborate these days.

*’It has become a festival of gluttony and excess’

I think you’ll find these two things were baked into it from the start.*

it's creating pressure and hassle

There’s pressure everywhere. Why aren’t you running a huge company, doing marathons, climbing Everest?

There’s always someone doing more than you. Or who has more than you.

That’s your pressure to manage, not someone else’s to mitigate.

100% agree. Christmas has lost all its meaning now it's just a competition.

Christmas has lost all its meaning now it's just a competition.

Speak for yourself. Christmas has loads of meaning for me.

I really hate this 'why are you so invested' comment when someone expresses an opinion about something going on around them on a forum designed for that purpose.

I agree with this 100%. I find it odd when people get accused of being 'judgy' on AIBU...isn't that what it's for? The clue's in the name!

Well we'll have to agree to disagree @LaurieMarlow. I don't think it's as simple as you state to close your eyes and ears to all the madness of modern day Christmas or to avoid the crazy queues in car parks, the extra traffic at rush hour etc et

We have a fairly simple but lovely Christmas based around family and friends.
No elf (we’re too old)
No Christmas Eve boxes (not a thing)
Focus is on celebrating the second most important Christian festival. Village nativity, Christmas Day Mass, stockings, meals with family and friends, drinks parties but not OTT affairs - more popping in for some fizz with neighbours.

House is decorated but using predominantly natural or homemade things - greenery, flowers, wreaths, garlands and lots of candles.

I don’t queue in car parks.

Meh.
Definitely a “you do you” moment.
I do the Xmas I want to do, and I don’t feel any pressure at all.

I don't think it's as simple as you state to close your eyes and ears to all the madness of modern day Christmas or to avoid the crazy queues in car parks, the extra traffic at rush hour etc

To be perfectly honest, internet shopping will mitigate a huge amount of this for you.

But what's it to you how people celebrate in their own homes? If they do christmas eve boxes/elves/special breakfasts/whatever? You absolutely don't have to engage with that if you don't want to.

I do an Xmas eve box. But did before they were a thing I had one too and I'm. Nr 40 . Not extravagant was norm pjs, a treat with an Xmas book or VHS lol.
For my teen I did the same. As he got older I added a mug and hot choc but we use the mug each Yr.
It used to be just in a gift bag.
Now they're proper boxes filled with stuff. Stuff my kids. Would never use tbh.

Christmas has lost all meaning? The OP didn’t mention midnight mass, nativity plays and all that jazz. I thought that was the meaning.

Why so confrontational @LaurieMarlow. I'm not commenting on the colour of someone's curtains. I'm talking about the increasing commercialisation of Christmas and it's widespread effect.

@Beswitched why isn’t it simple for you?
Just work out what kind of Xmas you want, and do it.

Interesting that Elf on the Shelf originated in 2005 - completely bypassed me until the last few yrs so SM must have had a hand in promoting?

@Breathlessness those are the things that make my Christmas meaningful but maybe not everyone's, so didn't mention specifics.

I'm talking about the increasing commercialisation of Christmas and it's widespread effect.

It's as commercial or uncommercial as you want it to be. That's entirely in your hands.

You may be right, HowissMovingBungalow, it bypassed me too I'm happy to say. I don't understand why people do that sort of rubbish.

@Ellisandra it is finally simple for me after many years of getting sucked in.

No man is an Island LaurieMarlowe.

I don't understand why people do that sort of rubbish.

Because their kids really enjoy it.

Unnecessary to piss on it like you are doing though. Don't like it, don't do it, but why be nasty about it?

@pictish.

I never found it difficult to manage my kids expectations. Once they were old enough to understand Christmas and the concept of Father Christmas they were also old enough to understand that we didn’t have enough money for everything they saw in the shops and on tv and that unlike some very lucky, very rich people, ordinary people had to choose things they could afford even from Santa. Just as Dad didn’t drive a Rolls Royce or Mum doesn’t wear a diamond crown like the Queen so they couldn’t have a unicorn or laptop for Christmas because we weren’t rich. If someone at school got the unicorn or laptop it just showed their mum and dad had more money than us - lucky them! Expectations were duly managed and we had very happy Christmases.

Then I don’t understand your AIBU. You are proof that “we” can stop over complicating Xmas. So if other people want to do boxes and an elf - or as my friend does, always switch to her Xmas bleach for December - then leave them to it.
You were sucked in - you realise that plenty of people aren’t?

We do some things that "everyone" does.

We don't do lots of things that "everyone" does.
And we do quite a few things that "oh nobody does that"!

We do what we enjoy doing, what is meaningful to our family, suits our circumstances, and is within what we can afford (both in terms of money and of time and effort). Some years, that will be different to other years.

Yes there are decorations, nice food, presents, religious observance, music and some outings. But there is also a lot of slowing down and making time for family and each other.

Lots of things get reused over and over (and over) again - including the CEH and much of its contents, the advent calendar, my Christmas jumper, and the various decorations etc.

Some things are new - we usually buy a new decoration on our holidays most years, and it is nice to remember various adventures as we decorate the tree annually. I usually have some fresh flowers, whether I have managed to arrange them before 25th, or am sitting to do that on the afternoon of 26th in between visitors - but it's something I enjoy doing when I have that time.

Some things are traditional full stop. Christmas day mass, roast turkey dinner, choral music, the youngest lighting the Christmas candle.

Some things are traditional for us. Working together to prep the Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve "platter" dinner, reflecting on the year just ending (the bad as well as the good) and those no longer with us when doing the candle, the Christmas Eve hamper after lighting the candle, various visits to family and extended family.

And some things are tried and not repeated - Santa steam train was great when DD was small and we all really enjoyed it (we went 3 times over 5 years), but we don't visit Santa anymore. Panto was ok, but we prefer a family trip to the cinema (if there's a good movie) the weekend before Christmas. I love choral music but DH and DD are not such big fans so only came once and I go at lunchtimes now. We had pheasant one year, which was ok but we prefer turkey. As all my DSiblings got into adulthood, we changed to a Kris Kindle system and only buying 1 Secret Santa present (drawn from a hat in advance).

Also, quite apart from family circumstances changing as DCs grow and older family members get married, have their own DCs, get ill or die, ….etc, other things happen like budgets change with other circumstances (upward and downward), availability of time to do things changes (school events take hours out of December in primary school, but keeping older students calm for exams takes even more hours out of December!!) and people's own preferences can change for all sorts of reasons and in all sorts of ways. Work might be manic one year so you only want to do the minimum and order everything online, but another year you find it really de-stressing to work on crafts and do a "Kirstie Allsopp" type Christmas.

And nobody should feel like they "MUST" do it the way that "EVERYONE" does - because no one really does! The magazines, the ads, the social media posts - they are all designed to make you feel guilty, to have it perfect, to spend a lot of money and use a lot of energy.

When in fact you just need to think about what suits YOU and YOUR FAMILY circumstances, and how that might be different this year to previous years that you might need to take into account.

I think the concept of the author who started the elf was wholesome - people are probably just bloody sick of it being plastered on farceache for weeks on end.

I ditched FB earlier this yr - it is bliss!