What advice would you give your 35 year old self!

[C1239]

Just wondering for those of you who are 35+ what advice you would have given yourself at that age looking back?
I find there feels like a lot of pressure of women mid 30s to have life sorted, settled down and all the answers and if you aren’t following the social norm the pressure is worse now than in your 20s?!
I have been in a relationship for 5 years, live with my partner, stepmum to his two children, in a job I feel relatively happy with, yet because I don’t plan to have my own biological children peoples comments are free in coming forward which is starting to get annoying! Surely not everyone has to follow the same path?!

Im 33 so have advice to myself, but just wanted to comment on the pressure to have things sorted. Im (nearly) 7 months pregnant and im feeling all sorts of pressure to go back to work after maternity and carry on marching my way through my career. URGH

I'm only 3 years older than you, but I have a little bit of advice.
People will always have opinions on how you should live your life.
If you are happy - fuck 'em.
I do not have any children and it is annoying when people feel they have to tell you that you should have children. I always point out that unless they are willing to financially, emotionally and physically help me with the rearing of these children, then they should keep thier opinions to themselves.

If you're only relatively happy in your work, along with your choice not to have children, I would say look into finding a role you can enjoy and thrive in.

If that means re-training, do it, you're young enough.

Also, be kind to your joints, they will be kind back as you age.

It IS clinical depression, it WON'T just get better on its own, go to the doctor NOW.

Also, everything is going to be fine, eventually. Just keep going every day and don't worry about ten years from now.

But maybe lay off the maltesers a bit.

Look after your teeth better when you are pregnant!

What would I tell my 35 year old self? To treasure every moment with DH, and take lots of photos and videos of him. He’s going to die the day before your 36 th birthday.

When your weight creeps up half a stone, diet!

Seriously. I'm now 4 stone heavier in my early 50s than I was at 35 when I was a size 12. I'm now a 20/22 and post menopause it feels hopeless. A lb a month (absolutely nothing!) Racks up to 4 stone over about 5 years and post 35 it's so easy for it to creep up and think I'll start a diet next week.

It's now causing me health issues and whatever I do I'm struggling to lose anything.

Advice for me

• Do NOT eat for two during pregnancy, the weight will not just fall off due to breastfeeding and your visions of 6am gym sessions before work are laughable with a baby.

Fwiw I'm 35 I've progressed well in my career to a moderately senior level, I bought a house, then got married, saved up again then had a baby. Clueless people think I've 'got it right' or 'have my life sorted' and a friend's mother uses me as an example to berate her with. Actually I don't know if I'm coming or going half the time, I'm permanently exhausted and feel like I'm not excelling in any aspect of my life, just managing to keep my head above water. People always have opinions. Fuck them.

Cross posted @Babdoc. I'm so sorry.

My advice .. you'll never be this young again, enjoy it. Don't feel pressure to do anything, just do what you want to do.

I’d have told myself not to do IVF but just crack on with life.

Get help and stop drinking. It, in the next few months will cause you physical and mental health issues that you will never fully recover from.
Look after yourself.

Don't have a baby, get a dog

I'd tell myself to get out of the relationship, and raise the DC as a single parent, rather than leave when the DC were teens. Might have been able to save a lot of heartache that way.

I'm 40+ and I would say to my 35 year old self, read "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward now and do the work involved. And/or see a therapist. Otherwise you'll still be dealing with your toxic mum issues when you're in your 40s. (like I am now ).

Also take your vitamins everyday, otherwise you WILL get arthritis and hair loss as soon as you turn 40 (which did happen), and don't give up on the yoga!

Divorce him now. Don't wait for a good time to do it.

Life is good - It will all work out so don’t worry but saving a bit harder wouldn’t hurt

Stand up to your mother from the minute your children are born. Holding them, showing them you love them and cuddling them is not spoiling them.

Don’t feel you need to use horrible clothes just because they were gifts. Photograph DC in them once then to the charity shop!

Treasure the friends you make now. They will stand you in good stead and be in your life for many years.

Do not listen to DH when he says you need to move house. Stand your ground.

@Babdoc .... I’m so terribly sorry x

Value yourself. Dont doubt your instincts

To have cancelled the wedding. Yes that would mean I wouldnt have my beautiful DC but they have come at a very high price.

@babdoc

I was already pretty independent and feisty at 35 so possibly not that much different 14 years on..... But definitely try harder to avoid putting on weight, its a darn sight harder to find the motivation and energy to shift at 49 than it was in my early 30's. Oh and don't fall for the sweet-talking tosser that you meet on your 40th birthday because you should know better, and you'll waste 2 years of your life dancing to his tune then he'll dump you.

Don’t put weight on! (I’m 38 and put on 2 stone at 35, once I returned to work from mat leave)

Taking easy route leads to big problems down the road. Stay put and manage these problems first.