To be crying my eyes out now that i finally know what is "up" with me?

[Wavescrashingonthebeach]

Long story short, me & mum have done a fair bit of research and we are going to push for a diagnosis of ADHD/ADD on myself.
Ive got so many waves of emotions right now, mainly relief that finally theres an acknowledgement that there is fucking something that is holding me back all these years. And that this thing isnt necessarily a bad thing, just a difference.
Im mid 30's & i know for sure that if i was a primary school child today this would have been picked up on as a matter of course.
Ive struggled all my life wondering what the fuck is wrong with me and why i cant concentrate & why i cant progress despite A grade exams when (no offence) seemingly illiterate people seem to have it all together.
I feel like i finally have a hope at my life starting again.
Im sorry if this is rather incoherant. If anyone has any words of wisdom, advice or support i would appreciate it very much as i feel that a tidal wave of emotions i have been supressing for so long has finally burst the dam.

xChristmasJumperx did you read the information in the link I posted about the autistic spectrum and what it means? theaspergian.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

This bit maybe? "You can see how ridiculous it seems, therefore, when someone says “we’re all a little autistic” because they also hate fluorescent lights or because they also feel awkward in social situations. That’s like saying that you are dressed “a little rainbowy” when you are only wearing red."

Yes i did. Each individual trait can be mild moderate or severe.

Also, it is crazy to think that nobody who missed out on a diagnosis isnt autistic. I saw myself, only children who will definitely get a diagnosis is put through testing. They dont put kids through the testing for the purpose of ruling them out! They do no do this! They put them through the process when they are as certain as they can be that they already know the answer. For this reason, a lot of my family could be described as a little bit autistic. Shame they'd not be allowed use it. It explains it better than odd, awkward, defiant....

I’m currently being assessed for adhd. Had one assessment and a second appointment in May.
When I read the symptoms of adult adhd nearly everything rang true for me, but now I’m in the process I’m panicking that they think I’m being ridiculous.
I want to cancel the appointment and give up on getting a diagnosis but I know In the long run it’ll be worth it.

I think the problem with the phrase ‘a little bit X’ is that for all the people who mostly like could be diagnosed with X but missed out who might use it, there are a lot of people who definitely wouldn’t be diagnosed who misuse this phrase.

I think that’s more why a lot of people who have grown up with a diagnosis tend to strongly dislike this phrase, are suspicious of those who use it and prefer other wording such as X traits or suspected X. They can have a lot of painful negative associations with the use of ‘bit’ that those who have grown up without a diagnosis are unlikely to have been as exposed to as they will not have heard this after building up to disclosing their neurodiversity over and over again since childhood.

"as ADHD meds are not licensed on the NHS for adults spends a small fortune on them" load of rubbish @Gingerkittykat

I hate "everyone's somewhere on the spectrum" and "we're all/I am a little but autistic" because it minimises the impact of a person's autism on them.

If you're a little bit something then you can change it and not be or have it any more. An autistic person cannot. They may be able to change their response to whatever 'it' is, but they will always be autistic, even if their response no longer seems autistic to you.

We are not ‘all on the or a spectrum’. The spectrum relates to those with a diagnoses (or for that matter those undiagnosed). There is no spectrum for those of us who do not have eg autism etc.
It’s a bit like saying we all have a little bit of measles or were all in the measles spectrum. Once you have measles there are varying severities. If you don’t have it don’t say you do !
Ive only just come to understand this after talking to family barristers who deal with diagnoses and experts in court.

When I hear that ignorant comment, “we’re all on the spectrum”, I just look at them and say, “really? Where about on the spectrum are you?” It’s great to watch them fluster. 😁

I ah e used it before. Used it two weeks ago and was actually pulled up quite sharpish by friend at family bar - we then had good chat about it.

I gave up describing my slight foibles as ‘a bit ocd’ years ago after watching a fantastic documentary and understanding a little bit of the realities of living with ocd.

My brother's recently be diagnosed OP. He's relieved and is awaiting medication to see if that can help. The only thing he can concentrate on is music.
It's interesting as I can see traits in my daughter who has a formal diagnosis of dyslexia and dyspraxia with attention issues.

I'd suggest being open minded to the fact you might not be dx. Partly because it's so much more complex than lacking concentration, and google doesn't only provide factual or accurate experiences, there's a lot of incorrect self dx view points out there too.

More importantly, if it turns out you don't have adhd, you'll probably be even more disappointed that you don't have an explanation. And if your push for dx fails, you'll be left with nothing. Approach it as wanting your problems solving or diagnosing, whatever the dx maybe, rather than adhd or nothing.

Yy re being 'a little bit' Having a few personality traits or preferences that vaguely resemble some people's autistic traits does not put you on the spectrum. It's as stupid as saying 'I prefer sitting to walking, wheelchair users sit more than walk, therefore I must be a little bit disabled'

@Wavescrashingonthebeach if you do decide to get an assessment done, consider being checked for dyspraxia too as there can be an overlap with ADHD or ADD. Don’t let any diagnosis hold you back in whatever you want to do!

@MustardScreams and @Zoflorabore @Aisforharlot @KnowBetterDoBetter what is it precisely that the ADD meds do for you? I often think I tick all the boxes but then I think - well pretty much everyone procrastinates, pretty much everyone races to get essays etc finished in time. And I think maybe it’s just ‘normal?’

YANBU OP.

I don't have ADHD/ADD, so don't think my situation is neccessarily the same but I not so long ago found out something about my own neurological/mh issues that made me look back to my childhood and think "yeah, many signs there." I relate to that feeling of relief as well as feeling that I wish people had understood and cut me some slack?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/treatment/

this is the NHS website and will tell you which medications are used for adults.

You may face a lengthy wait for an assessment, it's a postcode lottery and in my locality the Adult waiting time is 12 months for an assessment and then a further 3-6 months for a medication appointment. You may want to research which provider's adult neurodevelopment offer the best waiting times and ask your GP to refer you to that provider. You are allowed to request this.

ADHD medications for adults can be prescribed off licence, a medication may not be licensed for a specific population group but it does not mean that a specialist physician wont prescribe it, the substantial evidence base for use of these medications in adults justifies prescribing on an off-licence basis.

I'm no expert on ADHD so do not know if my comments are worth much compared to those who have experience but I really want to say to OP "Go for it!" If you do have ADHD/ADD, then you may get the help you need and at least understand yourself and your childhood more. Having an undiagnosed SEN can cause shame and self worth issues and maybe even cause unkind or harsh treatment from teachers or school peers and the effects of those can be long reaching. I have read that mental health issues tend to be very common with those with ADHD/ADD and I think whatever ypu need help with, it is worth a try.

I myself am working up the guts to get myself maybe assessed for something which is relatively minor compared to ADHD/ADD (dyscalculia and possible dyspraxia symptoms, not severe but enough to affect my confidence significantly as a child and contributed to my CPTSD and BPD) which caused chaos in an already abusive and traumatic childhood and still affects me in a minor way now (handling money, finding my way around unfamiliar places, understanding how to work appliances etc) and in a major way in terms of the rough treatement I incurred at the hands of teachers and my dad who thought I was just lazy or looking for sympathy.

Because I am in treatment for multiple mental health and physical issues and do have support workers, carers etc It isunlikely that I will really get an asessment soon- am already getting much help to manage my daily life including money etc and there probably is nothing much that can be done for me as am not going to be able to work for a long time, most likely. I don't think am high priority because of these very reasons so for me it is not massively life threateningly important BUT at same time I do believe some of my issues with childhood and teen years (not even so much the actual abuse from my dad and others) but a lot of well meaning adults in my life who just expected so much of me and interpeted my inability to do or avoidance of certain tasks, and as a sensitive lass, it did cause me to feel the whole world was against me at times; I do want some closure.....Probably not a good motive to get it, but yeah I do sort of understand why a diagnosis is important to me. I feel like a lot of my behaviours and attitudes as a child were very dysfucntional, socially as well as academically, and yeah the later MH issues were more likely a result of trauma, rather than the reason per se for these original behavioural issues.. I have always sensed that deep inside I was a bit weird compared to other kids eg able to read very well at an early age, precocious with words, language etc, very ,musical and creative (not genius but bright) yet a complete duffer with maths, sequencing information, and socially had very odd habits. Withdrawn, unable to make eye contact, not really clumsy but uncoordinated. had trouble telling time. tying shoelaces, directions, following instructions, shy and awakward but tendancy to hit out at anyone in my personal space, took ages learning to dress myself properly, always seeking sensory input, bored and restless, even though an introvert etc...these htingds could be nothing but I sense they were or are something, if you see what I mean??? Of ocurse if I have an asessment then it may turn out I have nothing like a SEN and just quirky or more manifestations of trauma. I am a bit more comfortable now with the idea that I may just be or have been a bit quirky- I used to have a lot of shame in me, still do to some degree, but am hating myself less for those "quirks." Talking with the therapist I see for CPTSD and BPD recently made me realise how much I hated myself as a child and how my being unable to learn things the same way as others and being screamed at, threatened, put down or laughed at for being unable to tell time or do my sums caused me to despise myself and consider myself a weirdo.

Apologies to anyone who has died of boredom reading this post. Am looking at what I've just written and thinking "wow where did all that come from???"

Another one here saying please dont say we're all on the spectrum. No we're not and its deeply offensive for those that are. As for "pushing" for a diagnosis, please dont. I hear this everywhere and it's ridiculous and entitled. By all means ask the appropriate medical staff to assess you to see whether you need to be diagnosed. But dont "push" them to diagnose you with something you may or may not have.

YANBU. People often assume a diagnosis is just an excuse it's not. For many people it's an explanation as to why so much has been difficult for them and it's a starting point for action too - a path to finding ways of managing things in future.

I would hate to be labelled like this. What does it matter?

You are what you are. I really don’t understand why it would make a difference to your life?

I know one person who was diagnosed privately around the same age as you and as ADHD meds are not licensed on the NHS for adults spends a small fortune on them.

DD2 worked out herself at about 21 that she had ADD. I am not sure you would have been diagnosed in primary today. ADD/ADHD cannot be diagnosed by a teacher - it has to be a psychiatrist or probably a paediatrician or psychologist. Teachers are not trained to diagnose things like this, and teacher training on SEN seems to be perfunctory. Some schools are more switched on about SEN, but it’s a matter of luck! DD2’s secondary school certainly didn’t notice, even though I raised concerns from her age 12 that there was something wrong?

Anyway, DD2 asked mental health services for an assessment and she was diagnosed. She has been prescribed methylphenidate (aka Concerta) on the NHS twice.

BottleUp I guess it depends on why someone is pushing for a diagnosis. If a person really needs help because they are struggling, what is "entitled" about it? Being entitled is about frivoulous wants and not needs. If someone has cancer symptoms or thyroid or diabetes symptoms and are getting nowhere with their doctor we do not tell them to not be so entitled. No! we encourage them to shop around for a different doctor, get a second opinion.

For my own case, regarding the fact I may have dyscalculia or dyspraxia symptoms, I am no longer in real need so much of an asessment. not until am well enough fro my other issues to work, then I may need to pursue one. I don't accept am entitled, just that maybe I don't need it anymore. Having it as a child would have saved me much heartache but my parents told teachers they did not believe in asessments and that i was just lazy. That's the past, I can't change it. But not so much for now. I don't mind waiting for now. But for the OP , it seems like she really needs the help. So why souldn't she pursue it? As long as she aware it could be a different condition rather than ADHD.

I agree abut the "we're all on the spectrum" when they have no difficulties at all or "i'm a bit OCD" when they really just a perfectionist. But I have seen another trend on mumsnet (and reddit and tumblr seem to be at it as well) and that is of going to the other extreme- that of gatekeeping who really deserves help and can consider themselves neurodiverse. People who end up self diagnosing out of neccessity (because they are desperate and the wait is so long) are often treated with suspicion.

Can we just agree to drop the use of the word "entitled" in the context of seeking either disability support or MH support or who can label themselves or identify as disabled??? we are talking about needs. yes, some people are mildly affected, some severely, we are not all the same and that is ok, but if a mild sufferer stll is effected enough to neeed support then they are not being entitled in pushing for support?? I've seen some ridiculous things on MN eg "someone with a broken leg should not use a priority seat on a train or bus, they are not disabled." Actually, in that context, they ARE. they are temporarily disabled. It isn;t about identity politics or oppression it is about being pragmatic- someone cannot stand on a moving vehicle, they need that seat. I say this as someone who IS disabled long term physically and otherwise but on my better days I probabbly am even more able than someone with a broken leg from a football injury. They deserve the seat same as me.

I have seen people attack a poster on MN some years back who in her teens was groped and subjected to a sexual assault by a stranger (her parents mocked her and yelled at her when she told, she then wen ton to suffer some trauma issues years later), who was "told off" on a MN thread for trying to access a support group for people who had experiencec incest or sexual abuse because she "wasn't abused enough". When the poster tried to access the Stately Homes thread on here because she was still feeling distressed about the fact her father had mocked and yelled when she reported the sex attack, she got blocked by MN because a poster reported her saying her abuse wasn't severe enough and she must be a troll.

Furrymule It isn't about it being entitled to seek help or support, or a dx. Bottle has just said entitled to push for a specific diagnosis. Nobody would think it reasonable to push for a physical dx of cancer/ diabetes/ thyroid because they believe they have one or two symptoms. You go and tell the professional your symptoms and get them to diagnose you, advise on treatment, support etc.

The fact is that lacking organisational skills and concentration aren't the definitive test to dx adhd. Plenty of nt people just aren't good/ practiced at them, and they can be symptoms of other issues too.

And imo they are just the symptoms the nt world sees and interprets through an nt lense. We're actually better at concentrating and organisation, because we spend every minute of our lives trying to concentrate on a million things at once, and trying to organise them in our heads. Hence why when we do manage to put all our concentration on the same task we have amazing hyper focus. The problem is that our concentration/ organisation is judged by nt standards and deemed to be lacking. Even though most nt people are left reeling if we only verbalise 10% of the things we are concentrating on at any given time.

Of course that doesn't mean op doesn't have adhd, but it's far wiser to get a professional opinion on the root cause of difficulties than 'push' for one dr google has suggested. Nor is it about gate keeping. Just that there are many explanations for ops difficulties.

@KnowBetterDoBetter, you must be near me.

I'm on the assessment waiting list. I called after being on it for 9 months & was told it can take up to 2 years!