To be crying my eyes out now that i finally know what is "up" with me?

[Wavescrashingonthebeach]

Long story short, me & mum have done a fair bit of research and we are going to push for a diagnosis of ADHD/ADD on myself.
Ive got so many waves of emotions right now, mainly relief that finally theres an acknowledgement that there is fucking something that is holding me back all these years. And that this thing isnt necessarily a bad thing, just a difference.
Im mid 30's & i know for sure that if i was a primary school child today this would have been picked up on as a matter of course.
Ive struggled all my life wondering what the fuck is wrong with me and why i cant concentrate & why i cant progress despite A grade exams when (no offence) seemingly illiterate people seem to have it all together.
I feel like i finally have a hope at my life starting again.
Im sorry if this is rather incoherant. If anyone has any words of wisdom, advice or support i would appreciate it very much as i feel that a tidal wave of emotions i have been supressing for so long has finally burst the dam.

I have a good friend who was diagnosed with ADD as an adult and taking the medication has been life changing for her. We're in the USA where ADD is a federally recognized disability and no insurance company would dare deny the medication to an adult with a diagnosis.

Me too, Waves.
I’m an A student, routinely failing for reasons I didn’t understand.
Went to the gp about a month ago saying I thought I had ADD and here’s why, and here’s why it matters to me right now, and she referred me to the single point of access for assessment, which I’ve just had.
I don’t know what the outcome will be yet, but I am hoping for meds as my executive functioning is shit and really affecting my life.

I was never formally diagnosed with dyspraxia.. It was called Clumsy Child Syndrome then. 🤔 🤔 🤔 I had a horrendous time at school ending up with my ploughing most of my exams.
I noticed at 5 years old that my son was heading the same way and forced the school and professionals to diagnose him. He was able to access physio and occupational therapy.. We both still struggle but at least we can explain to people why we walk into them or furniture or doors etc!!

@Aisforharlot - please could you describe how your executive functioning is shit and really affecting my life

A boy I went to school with was diagnosed as being autistic in his early 40’s. That explained such a lot about his childhood & adolescence.

I was diagnosed as hyperactive before the term adhd was used as a diagnosis (though it was already being used in papers and the term started to be used a few years later). I've always known about it, but it wasn't until it was pointed out dc1 might have adhd that I really started looking into it, and it was my life on paper. My parents had decided they could knock it outside of me physically at times which never worked. All my struggles made sense, I wasn't weird or lazy or anything else that was thrown at me. I just function differently. It's a bit different in the sense that the diagnosis isn't new, but the relief when I discovered it all was immense.

Oh and dc1 has been recognised as showing signs of adhd even in school but as she learns quite well and isn't massively disruptive or majorly badly behaved I've got a cat in hells chance of getting her diagnosed right now. I know a lot of people with similar experiences so it's not a given that it would have been picked up today, if that's any comfort.

ADHD medication changed my life. I got a diagnosis last year, just after graduation, and I'm doing 100x better at the masters I've just started than I did at my undergrad. Not leaving everything until the last minute etc. I couldn't do my current job if I wasn't on my meds, as it's far too detail orientated. When I forget to take them for a day, I struggle.

Just a tip - in my area, there is a 2 year wait for diagnosis. So I went private for the diagnosis, and have a yearly consultation with my consultant psychiatrist via Skype. If you don't want to wait that long, and you don't want to spend a few grand on a face to face diagnosis appt, I'd highly recommend this route.

Our daughter was recently diagnosed after teachers picked up things that had never occurred to me weren't normal..... because our little girl is a mini me.

Pretty certain that I too have ADHD and am going to pursue a diagnosis. The diagnosis has enabled us to help our daughter so much in ways that we couldn't have without having her diagnosed.

Good Luck, I hope it all works out for you xx

I was "sort of" diagnosed as a child but they didn't really understand much about the condition back then.

I could never concentrate at school, even when I was really interested in the subject, nothing would go "in" and stay there.... and I'm extremely envious of ADHD people on here getting A Grades!! I had to work my backside off through tears to achieve the one C I got at GCSE and the one B I got at A level and I was bloody proud they just counted as passes!

I'm going back to studying next year and I wonder if I could get ADHD medication before I do?!

It’s really powerful discovering or revealing to yourself something ‘core’ about yourself and all the more when it’s something you’ve lived with through childhood.
Really good luck op. I suppose it’s important to be gentle on yourself and others for past opportunities to have identified it - you’re now in a good place of understanding and managing your more truthful supportive future.

When I first properly looked at the description of primarily inattentive ADHD, I felt really emotional. It was as though someone was looking at all my biggest sources of fear and shame and saying that it was OK, that it wasn't my fault, and they knew I'd tried so hard but that trying the normal way wasn't going to work for me. And was such a relief, but I felt angry, too, that I'd spent 40 years feeling like a lazy incompetent failure.

YANBU- I'm in the same position. A private consultant suggested that I had ADHD when I was 40, before that no-one had considered it. I have a good degree but have never really been able to work.

What I will say, though, is it isn't necessarily easy to get a diagnosis on the NHS. That I'd seen a private consultant and had an assessment/diagnosis from him, I think made it a bit easier for me to get one on the NHS.

Hugs and best wishes xxxxx

I get it OP I was in my 50s when a friend mentioned he’d been diagnosed with ADD. When I googled the symptoms it was a revelation and explained so much of my life. When I was at school it wasn’t accepted you could have a learning difficulty and still be bright. So my inability to concentrate was put down to laziness and lack of willpower. I also missed a lot of primary school due to illness (recurrent tonsillitis and sinusitis and then having adenoids and tonsils out) but I wasn’t helped to catch up properly. I'd always been ahead in reading and writing, but my maths really suffered and so did my confidence. I did ask my GP about a diagnosis but she didn’t see the point of having a label at my time of life.

My ADHD is 'with autistic features' BTW, so that might be something for you to consider. I don't have full ASD as I'm not particularly inflexible, but have some traits such as difficulty socialising etc (I know people can get that with ADHD too though.) It is possible to be 'a little bit autistic.' :)

@SerenDippitty 'When I was at school it wasn’t accepted you could have a learning difficulty and still be bright.'

A friend of mine went for an ADHD assessment last year. At the assessment, she was told she was 'too intelligent' to have it! So they even still have that myth in the NHS sometimes.

As too your GP claiming there's no point in a label at your age, ADHD doesn't just effect one's working life as I'm sure you know. It effects your emotions, relationships etc. I would see one of the other GPs in the practice and ask. Explain how your difficulties effect you in different spheres of life. There are treatments for ADHD, so it's not just a label for the sake of it. What an annoying thing for them to say- you don't need to stop there if you want to try treatment. Hugs xxxxx

I don't mean to discourage you but what do you think an adult diagnosis will give you?

This is what my husbands GP kept saying to him until we have asked for a second opinion and are now going through the process of diagnosis.

For my DH it is making sense of all of his history, his actions and his struggles. Looking at it now it is so obvious, he is a textbook example of ADHD. Although the Hyper bit has lessened with age, also typical.
It's not just him that it helps though, as it gives his family some insight into how he struggles.

His initial referral came from a CPN who was counselling him and said it was extremely difficult from him to benefit from counselling as he couldn't concentrate enough to retain and process the information, therefore he wasn't moving forward. They suggested the referral for adult investigation.

Then we came up against a GP who just kept repeating what would be the point, it wont make a difference to your life, which is kind of reinforcing the frustration, and sometimes hopelessness, that some people already feel.

Waves ds is 15 and was diagnosed with autism a couple of months ago. Unfortunately even now there are still children at primary school whose neurodevelopmental conditions are getting missed. And yes, his late diagnosis has caused all sorts of issues.

It's hard but I hope you can get your diagnosis and move forward positively 💐

I went through a period of mourning for myself, my lost opportunities, my wasted unhappiness. I read around the subject, discussed it with a very few trusted people, and gradually come to terms with my new view of myself.

The first thing that changed for the better, oddly enough, was my ability to go shopping. I no longer felt like an embarrassment to myself when I found a shopping environment overwhelming. I accepted that, and, instead of powering through with self-hatred and distress, changed how I dealt with it. For example I might choose to go at a quieter time, or I might enter the shop with my head down, check out the floor, raise my view a bit, check out the stand nearest me, glance around a little to widen my view, eventually look over the stands (I don't know why, but it's all the gubbins hanging from the ceiling that particularly bothers me), and only when I felt steady actually start walking through the shop.

I found myself forgiving my parents for not solving the problems of my childhood. I realised that they had been doing the beast they could with the knowledge and understanding of their times, just as I am with my dc. It was a personal forgiveness, I didn't say anything to them about that, but it freed me from a lot of anger that I had been carrying around.

Eventually I realised that, actually, I had done pretty well with myself. I had not achieved to my academic ability, but I had had good jobs, married a nice man, had children who were doing well.

Around this time I also did CBT for my depression. Two courses of that, together with ADs, at the right time for me to accept my autism, really changed my world view. Of course I am still autistic, but I have learned to accept myself, to enjoy my individuality, to not fear 'getting it wrong' when I'm with other people, to embrace my differences.

Someone said to me a few days ago, "you're kind and you're quirky" and it felt good.

Forgot to say, this process took about 2 years.

Op I could have written your post. Also very recently diagnosed in my 30’s. Never even knew adult ADHD was a thing until recently.

I was out with a group of friends and got chatting with a guy that had ADHD. As he was talking about it, about a million puzzle pieces clicked into place. I’ve never had a moment of clarity like it before.

I got in touch with my local ADHD support network and spoke to one of the advisors for over an hour who blew my mind even more

I went privately for the diagnosis as NHS waiting times for referral was 4 years And once I had sorted the correct meds and dosage, transferred back to my GP.

I spent a lot of time angry about not being diagnosed when younger and wondering how different my life would have been. But I see a wonderful ADHD specialist therapist now who has really helped me.

Hypnosis is incredibly good for people with ADHD, you should look and see if anyone in your area offers it specifically to help with it. They give you breathing techniques and ways to manage difficult situations. Really good.

I get this so much. My DH was diagnosed 3 years ago at 53. My eldest DS at 19.

Whilst DH doesn't medicate as actually he's very successful in his field, it really explains why we have quite an odd relationship. My DS should be medicated but forgets and is still unemployed at 22. However after years at school struggling to have help for him, we went private. My DS cried after his consultation, saying it was the first time he'd ever spoken to someone who understood how his mind works .

Good luck with your future. With the right treatment things will get better.

I totally get what you are saying OP - I was diagnosed last year at age 52 with ADHD and ASD, after my 2 children and my partner had been diagnosed in the previous 5 years.
It helps me understand whats gone wrong - at school I doubt I would have been picked up because I was performing academically although failed badly at 6th form because of the change of environment and social interactions. I also had, until relatively recently successive disasterous relationships. I too can just about hold a job together for about 2 years before I crash out, and have instead spent alot of time as a student or self employed where I eek out a fairly frugal living. I also had alot of debt but last year finally found my way out of it and have rebuilt my credit rating - not that I will ever buy a house because Im too old and dont earn.
I think alot of the relief at the diagnosis is validation and some inner understanding of myself - Im not a 'failure' because my school peer group are all well paid professionals - in fact I actively avoided those choices because, despite my mothers insistance that I should have gone and made a fortune in finance, Ive always known that I probably wouldnt survive the corporate life, and have always needed art and nature to feel OK
I do feel a bit scared for the future though, its quite hard to appear normal and functional in an NT world that really doesnt understand what the hell your problem is.

I'm over 60 and was diagnosed with ASD and dyspraxia this summer. I'm really happy with my diagnosis. It makes sense of so many things about me.

For example, DM, who is an amazingly good person, has always said I'm more honest than she is. I now understand that I find lying very uncomfortable and difficult because of my ASD.

I have been fairly successful in my career in some ways (three books published) because of my quirky approach and because there's more space for difference in media/communications.

Get into the right industry/role and your differences will be an asset, OP. Dry your tears and, please enjoy the power and insight your diagnosis gives you.

I think you should have a professional assessment tbh

Can anyone tell me, please, if a private medical diagnosis would be accepted by your own doctor in order to receive medication?