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AIBU?

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Original poster

It's a MIL in one!!! Overly attached.

76 replies

ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 08/12/2019 23:46

Totally expecting to get flamed for this...I know the last one is absolutely petty AF! Just wondering if I'm not alone.

As any grandparent should be...my MIL is absolutely besotted with my little girl. Which is fine...she's the first grand kid and it's expected. However, more and more things are starting to annoy me.

  • Every time DD has a cold she'll reel off every one of my family members she believes was 'sniffly' and MUST have given it to her. 'Poor little lamb, she must get so smothered by all these strange people!' Note - my family is small and visit just as much as she does. They're not 'strange'
  • despite us stating time and time again we do not want pictures of DD on social media...she still has her fb profile picture of her holding her up (like some weird prize ham I might add...not a nice photo at all...). She refuses to take it down as it's 'her right as grandmother to show off her granddaughter'
  • after asking SIL to babysit for a day so I could do a KIT day at work....she rocked up instead. I had issue with this mainly because we have totally different parenting principals. Main one being her idea of parenting is sitting on the sofa with my 8 month old watching Netflix all day. She didn't change her nappy, take her out for a walk or play any games.
  • this in the main one that grates me. And it's really quite pathetic I know. She always uses 'our' when referring to DD. For example....messaged th group whatsapp to let them know DD was crawling. Her response was 'oh our little shining star! Aren't we doing well with her?!' Like...what? Sorry. No. You visit her once a week. I'm 'doing well' here thank you!

Totally accepting that I may BU here. I just had to vent.

OP posts:
PapayaCoconut · 08/12/2019 23:49

She didn't change her nappy all day??? That's awful, I would've been really upset with her about that.

Cherrysoup · 08/12/2019 23:52

I’d refuse to allow her to babysit if she didn’t change her nappy in 8 hours, that’s horrific. Don’t allow her to take pics or send her pics.

Preggosaurus9 · 08/12/2019 23:57

Point 3. With no warning? You have a SIL problem!

Point 2. Stop sending her photos. Stop sending photos to anyone who would forward them to her. When asked why, point out her fb antics. No one has the right to upload pics to social media without parent's permission.

On the verbal comments. Yes they are annoying. But you're probably best smiling and ignoring.

For all of the above you need DH support though. How did he react to mummy dearest on these points?

Preggosaurus9 · 08/12/2019 23:58

Oh and MIL is not "overly attached" as per your subject. That's a bullshit justification for no boundaries! (Her not you)

Pipandmum · 09/12/2019 00:02

Ha well my parents in law barely acknowledge they have grandkids so I suppose there's extremes and were on opposite ends!

TheSerenDipitY · 09/12/2019 00:02

message FB and ask for the photo to be removed, they often will do so when you as the parent havent given permission for it to be up there... stand your ground or it will only get worse

Chocmallows · 09/12/2019 00:09

Brakes on, pull back...this is going to get worse unless your DH steps in and says the changes that need to happen.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 09/12/2019 00:14

Why isn't DH pulling her up on all of these?

Original poster
ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 09/12/2019 06:54

Thanks guys - good to hear I'm not crazy!

DH agreed with me on the photo and the nappy thing, but the response is generally 'leave it for now and if it becomes more of a thing then we'll chat about it'

I think it's the photo thing that's really upsetting. My family have all been so good and respecting of it. I've said no to a lot of them asking for 'just this one'...then there she is holding my daughter up like some prize she's just won at a county fair.

OP posts:
CAG12 · 09/12/2019 07:21

Its annoying that your SIL didnt tell you. However you need to bring up the nappy thing, the balls in your court there.

Also stop sending pictures, then she'll have fewer to put on social media.

You also need to bring up the nappy thing, thats really bad.

Theres no doubt there are SOME annoying things here, but you need to do something to at least mitigate them. Its equally irritating listening to someone moan about something and take no actions to try and sort it

Original poster
ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 09/12/2019 07:33

We don't send her photos...especially not now....they're all ones she takes when she visits. I'll leave the room for a few seconds and the next day there's a photo on Facebook!

OP posts:
HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 09/12/2019 07:38

Report the photos. They can and do remove photos of under 13s if there’s no parental permission to have them up.

JonSlow · 09/12/2019 07:44

I would do as a PP mentioned. Contact Facebook and ask for it to be removed.

Otherwise it’s a slippery slope, she won the first battle so it’ll only get harder.

B0bbin · 09/12/2019 07:45

You (or DH) need to be firm with her about the photos and explain your reasons again. We have the same rule and everyone has respected it. She needs to grow up- it's nice she wants to 'show her off', but she needs to think of your DD and your wishes. My mum is happy when i send pics in yhe post and she can show her pals without it being online. Maybe suggest this xx

Frenchw1fe · 09/12/2019 07:51

The nappy is strange do you think she was worried about doing it wrong, if so she may need a quick lesson?
SM would annoy me. Dmil should respect your wishes over fb pics.

Obligatorync · 09/12/2019 07:59

YANBU. I loathe her already. Grin

NoSauce · 09/12/2019 08:01

How do you know she was sat watching tv all day and didn’t change a nappy. Who told you this?

puds11 · 09/12/2019 08:04

I’d be fuming about the photo and the nappy. Did you ask her why she hadn’t changed her nappy?

FoxFriend · 09/12/2019 08:23

A whole day without a nappy change is just not ok. Presumably she knew where to find everything?

Facebook will remove the photo of you report it as being posted without parental permission.

Alsohuman · 09/12/2019 08:29

I usually roll my eyes at Mil threads but not changing a nappy is straightforward neglect. And the FB photos are just disrespectful after you’ve asked her not to.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 09/12/2019 08:30

She doesnt sound overly attached, she sounds like she wants the world to think she is a doting grandparent and that she is the 'closest' relative but in reality if you cant be bothered to change or play with a baby, you're not attached at all as you dont really care about her welfare

Ash39 · 09/12/2019 08:37

The nappy part is unacceptable. The rest is forgivable and points to a doting grandma who wants to be close

MincedOath · 09/12/2019 08:37

The only one of those that I'd have a problem with is the nappy changing. That just needs spelling out clearly. The rest of it I'd probably find a bit irritating but I'd let it go because it's your dh's mother.

Original poster
ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 09/12/2019 08:50

Re the nappy - DD is in cloth nappies, so it was fairly obvious as she was in the same print 😬 so heavy when I changed it!!!

I'm thinking maybe she thought they hold more?! She's changed one before and did it well so it was definitely not an issues with not knowing how they work.

I know she sat at home and watched TV all day because DD's outdoor stuff and the sling was untouched where I left it. I'll admit I can't say for sure she didn't play with her at all....but when I got home the 'recently watched' on Netflix was more than I manage to watch in a week!

OP posts:
Original poster
ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 09/12/2019 08:50

Thanks for the advice re Facebook removing photos....I'll get on that

OP posts:
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