It's a MIL in one!!! Overly attached.

[ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo]

Totally expecting to get flamed for this...I know the last one is absolutely petty AF! Just wondering if I'm not alone.

As any grandparent should be...my MIL is absolutely besotted with my little girl. Which is fine...she's the first grand kid and it's expected. However, more and more things are starting to annoy me.

• Every time DD has a cold she'll reel off every one of my family members she believes was 'sniffly' and MUST have given it to her. 'Poor little lamb, she must get so smothered by all these strange people!' Note - my family is small and visit just as much as she does. They're not 'strange'

• despite us stating time and time again we do not want pictures of DD on social media...she still has her fb profile picture of her holding her up (like some weird prize ham I might add...not a nice photo at all...). She refuses to take it down as it's 'her right as grandmother to show off her granddaughter'

• after asking SIL to babysit for a day so I could do a KIT day at work....she rocked up instead. I had issue with this mainly because we have totally different parenting principals. Main one being her idea of parenting is sitting on the sofa with my 8 month old watching Netflix all day. She didn't change her nappy, take her out for a walk or play any games.

• this in the main one that grates me. And it's really quite pathetic I know. She always uses 'our' when referring to DD. For example....messaged th group whatsapp to let them know DD was crawling. Her response was 'oh our little shining star! Aren't we doing well with her?!' Like...what? Sorry. No. You visit her once a week. I'm 'doing well' here thank you!

Totally accepting that I may BU here. I just had to vent.

Re: solely the photos - you can try reporting the image to fb and state that it is a photo of your child you have refused permission to publish. You have a good chance to get it taken down and she will be advised why.

I'd guess SIL wasn't given the choice. MIL told her she would mind her instead. The family obviously have a history of bowing to her to keep the peace. Your husband won't say anything, your SIL won't say anything. Don't look for help from the family again unless you are happy that it WILL be your MIL who does it.

All the other stuff.. Limit the time you spend in her company.

And try report the photo to Facebook. Say it's your child and you haven't given permission for it to be used.

Apart from the walk with the sling (I wouldnt/couldnt) YANBU

Again, it depends on why you don’t want the photos on SM as to whether you’re being unreasonable. If there’s a valid reason, safeguarding or adoption then of course you’re not and MIL is totally.

Without knowing it’s hard to say. As it always is with only a tiny one sided story.

@NoSauce I completely disagree. OP doesn't have to give us or the MIL a reason for her decision. She doesn't even need to HAVE a reason. She and her DH have agreed no SM photos of their child. Their child, their rules. End of.

@NoSauce I won't lie....you're the first person I've heard of who doesn't understand a parents want to not share photos of their child on social media. Even those I know post 100's photos daily understand the risks and respect others choice not to do it. As mentioned by a PP, Google 'sharenting'....it really is eye opening.

Besides all this it really shouldn't matter what my reasoning (valid as it is....). The point is she isn't respecting something we've made very clear we're not comfortable with.

It’s not about what I think. It’s what your MIL thinks. She obviously doesn’t feel your reasons are valid.

Report her to FB.

The only thing in your list that I find objectionable is not changing her nappy. Everything else I’m sorry I think you’re overreacting to a person you clearly dislike.

The nappy is horrific. Think of how many times in eight hours you use the loo now imagine sitting in it. Vile.

All examples obviously bad but it's the social media one that would tip me over the edge op! She sounds very difficult, I'm sorry for your situation.

The making out your family are strangers or 'strange' to your DD would really annoy me. She's trying to be the 'main' grandparent.
My mil absolutely hates that my DC look like my family and tries to say they are just like certain members of her family in looks and behaviour

@Spied
You’ve just reminded me mine used to do that too.
Used to ferret out all old school pics of distant relations to show everyone.

It’s crazy that people don’t think pictures on social media are a problem, but then have a massive issue with it once the child becomes a teenager. It’s no wonder children are confused about it.

Nappy thing alone I wouldn’t allow her to look after alone again. I’d also tell your husband that the situation he’s not had the bollocks to discuss before has now reached the point of discussion, outline what you expect of him and don’t allow him to bowl you over about his “mother’s rights”. She has none.

I have had similar issues...
On the photo thing I said I would report to Facebook for putting photos of my child on against my consent (possibly not my finest hour but I had enough!!)
My MIL claims she can’t smell dirty nappy so limited her alone time with children as didn’t want them in dirty nappies.
Also refers to the children as her success...grin and bear it. Although I know it’s grating! Xx

Is it bad that I’d love to be a fly on the wall when she realises FB have remover her profile pic

Have seen stories of some oddballs saving photos of strangers babies and pretending they're their own babies, for various reasons. The one that shocked me most was a woman who, about 4/5 years ago, claimed it was her baby that died and set up a gofundme for a funeral. I don't have photos of my DC up either, no adoption, just don't like it

The nappy thing is awful, and calling your family strange... I'm against MiL bashing on the whole but this thread is justified

"They're not strange. They're her family, just as you are"

Really, don't let her get away with talking about your family like that.

Thanks everyone, I've reported the picture to Facebook so with any luck they'll take it down soon.

@saraclara I did correct her when she said that...mentioned that my mother sees her just as much as you do and she's certainly not strange. She shrugged her shoulders and almost totally ignored me.

NoSauce What the MIL thinks is totally irrelevant. The mother asked for the photo of her child to be removed. That's it. Full stop. No other discussion or reason needed.

@NoSauce absolutely on every level NOT what my mother in law thinks. What does it matter if she thinks my reasons are valid or not? It's not her daughter and she has no right to publicly share photos of her!

I was expecting to be told IAMBU on a lot of what I wrote - but I thought that and the nappy were fairly okay things to be pissed at 🤷‍♀️

Blatant placemarking to wait & see what the fallout will be when Facebook remove the photos.

I was expecting to be told IAMBU on a lot of what I wrote - but I thought that and the nappy were fairly okay things to be pissed at

They are. I'd be really upset at both OP.
There are just a few posters on MN that the minute MILs are mentioned, they leap in their defense regardless of what they've done. Projecting maybe. I don't know.
Same goes for the opposite though.

There are also alot of people (and this scares me) who just don't know or understand the potential repercussions of putting children on social media. Really winds me up actually. You've immediately, before they are old enough to understand what social media is, taken away their choice to be a part of it.
Those are 2 reasons to be very upset and disappointed in a family member not respecting your parenting decisions.

I hope they take the picture down for you. Hopefully this will show your MIL that you are serious about it and she won't put anymore up.

I often try to see the MIL's side of things. Mainly because there are a lot of one sided threads on here. But in this case I'm entirely on the side of the OP.

@saraclara thank you :) honestly I was expecting to be hung drawn and quartered after some of the MIL threads here....but I felt I had to vent somewhere!