It's a MIL in one!!! Overly attached.

[ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo]

Totally expecting to get flamed for this...I know the last one is absolutely petty AF! Just wondering if I'm not alone.

As any grandparent should be...my MIL is absolutely besotted with my little girl. Which is fine...she's the first grand kid and it's expected. However, more and more things are starting to annoy me.

• Every time DD has a cold she'll reel off every one of my family members she believes was 'sniffly' and MUST have given it to her. 'Poor little lamb, she must get so smothered by all these strange people!' Note - my family is small and visit just as much as she does. They're not 'strange'

• despite us stating time and time again we do not want pictures of DD on social media...she still has her fb profile picture of her holding her up (like some weird prize ham I might add...not a nice photo at all...). She refuses to take it down as it's 'her right as grandmother to show off her granddaughter'

• after asking SIL to babysit for a day so I could do a KIT day at work....she rocked up instead. I had issue with this mainly because we have totally different parenting principals. Main one being her idea of parenting is sitting on the sofa with my 8 month old watching Netflix all day. She didn't change her nappy, take her out for a walk or play any games.

• this in the main one that grates me. And it's really quite pathetic I know. She always uses 'our' when referring to DD. For example....messaged th group whatsapp to let them know DD was crawling. Her response was 'oh our little shining star! Aren't we doing well with her?!' Like...what? Sorry. No. You visit her once a week. I'm 'doing well' here thank you!

Totally accepting that I may BU here. I just had to vent.

Are you in the U.K. OP? If this was a recent babysitting episode then it's not really been the weather for a walk in a sling!

I think you’re overreacting. You have no idea what she did with your DD during that time.
Bit of a leap to say she was sat watching Netflix all day.

As for the photo on her profile, what’s the reason you don’t want this?

I'm with you on all of this OP. Would all piss me off

Ash39 what an odd post. How do you know what the weather has been like in the whole of the UK over the past few weeks? Lots of mild/dry days in my part of it

I would be annoyed at sil as well- sending in a substitute without asking is really rude!

Are you in the U.K. OP? If this was a recent babysitting episode then it's not really been the weather for a walk in a sling!

Seriously?

@Ash39

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable. If she is taking photos when she is at your home, there is a simple solution: tell her she is not allowed to come over and see your DD until she removes the photo from facebook. If she just sits in front of the tv and pays no attention to your DD, whats the point of her visiting every week anyway.

As for the photo on her profile, what’s the reason you don’t want this?

OP said:

I think it's the photo thing that's really upsetting. My family have all been so good and respecting of it. I've said no to a lot of them asking for 'just this one'...then there she is holding my daughter up like some prize she's just won at a county fair.

OP and husband seem to have a rule about posting pictures of their baby on Facebook, but MIL has ignored this while her family has respected it.

The nappy issue is neglect and your DD could have had burns.

The social media thing is bad too, esp as you have requested that things dont go on. Dont you post anything or send her any then she cant get more and also suggest dont send to SiL. This avoids future issues.

I also amazed your SiL didnt let you know MiL now doing sitting.

I think you should not use either of them to baby sit.

Tell her to leave her phone in the hall as you know she is secretly taking pictures of DD against your wishes.

@Ash39 weather has been lovely where I am! And even if it's raining we have a baby wearing coat which i told her she was welcome to use (if she got cold). We don't own a pram and never felt the need for one, all my family use a sling.

@NoSauce I could go in to detail about why I don't want images of my daughter on social media...but that's a discussion for a different thread The point is it's a blanket rule we have for us and for the whole family...but she feels like it doesn't apply to her because she's grandma.

Social media is a tricky thing @nosauce. Once a picture is on Facebook it becomes Facebooks property.
No matter what privacy settings you turn on. The picture belongs to Facebook. Once something is on the Internet, it's there forever. That's what people don't realise these days. Could you imagine, you put a funny picture up of your DS or DD, next week they are a well known meme, or other children bully them at school because of that picture.
We are just starting to see the repercussions of putting our children on social media. Google sharenting. It's pretty eye opening.

Surely it doesn't matter why. That's the decision the OP has made and should be respected.
OP contact Facebook and ask them to take it down. It's not for your MIL to make that call. She needs to know that you won't stand for it or else she will just keep putting pictures up because she knows you aren't serious about it

Hi. I can see what you feel frustrated over the facebook pic but regarding the sling? Maybe your MIL doesnt feel comfortable wearing one or it's not practical for her (pain issues maybe?) I dont know why you wouldn't have a pram but I imagine that she maybe would have taken DC out if she was in something she could push? I'm not criticising your parenting style just maybe that's why she didnt take her out x

@WingingItSince1973 absolutely 100% not the issue. She babywore all her children and is the one who convinced me to get the sling!

I don't have a pram as I live on a large hill and in a teeny tiny village - think narrow cobblestone streets with little room.

@WingingItSince1973 bit of a leap there! It's quite normal now not to have a pram. I think unless it's something the MIL has said herself you're just putting words in her mouth because you don't understand the OPs parenting style.

YANBU. I wouldn’t share anymore photos with her and I would limit the time I spent with her. Certainly I wouldn’t have her babysitting again since she shows blatant disrespect for your rules (no photos on FB) so it would leave me doubting I could trust her.

@ScreamedAtTheMicahelangelo ah that makes perfect sense. Dont blame you. Then I dont know ha ha. Poor you. My MIL doesnt involve herself but my own mum on the other hand........

You could comment on her fb photos - MIL, DH and I have repeatedly asked you not to post pictures of our child, please remove this - it might shame her into deleting it?

I don’t understand this. You’re saying in one breath that MIL is obsessed/overly attached and then intimating she’s neglected your DD.

@JadonPollock????? What? Giving a different perspective isnt a leap at all I was just suggesting something she might not have thought about and please re read my comment I didnt criticize parenting style! Calm down please

The two things aren't mutually exclusive. My MIL is an awesome lady, she loves my children so much but she outright refused to change nappies. But she will want to spoil them with attention and treats which is lovely. However she does get miffed that I won't leave her with them for long. I don't understand why she doesn't see why.
It's a pretty common thing I've seen with my children and friends children is that grandparents seem to want to spoil and do all the fun things but don't want to do alot of the not so fun things that come with caring for them.

ynbu
call her out on the netflix usage/ stuff untouched, why bother if shes staring at a screen on a sofa all day? also on GD as a trohpy in some weird way social media, no phone near her full stop. next time she does it no visit till she behaves herself and abides to the rule. shell soon abide....
call her out on nappy change (different design on nappy for new one there shoudve been). tell her its neglect and if cant be bothered then no babysitting fullstop.

might show her that you arnt stupid and know what shes doing (or rather not doing lol). grandparents dont have rights. maybe tell her in the uk theres no grandparent rights (well exceptional circumstances etc aside).
tell her dd isnt a dolly. get her one ?

your mil has a case of dolly syndrome!

Other then then the nappy and pictures she is not doing mit ch wrong and seems a loving gradmother. I know especially the last one I can totally see my own grandmother doing but just because of how happy and proud she would be of great grand child's achievement.

The nappy thing I am torn. One one hand yes she was very wrong to not change them. On the other I am thinking of using cloth nappies myself and my mum has pointed out how much extra hassle they are and that if someone else other then me needs ti change them this might not be something they are thankful for and not very considerate of me. She should have changed them nevertheless.

The photo is a issue. She clearly disrespected your wishes. Other then explaining to why you made this choice to her again etc and express your wishes again only thing you can do is tell her she sticks to those rules or no more photos for her.

Much not mit ch