To wonder what happens if you don't turn up to collect from school?

[Tiredmum1511]

What happens to the child?

Do you know any other parents locally? I'd happily be an emergency contact for my friends. I've picked up their kids due to them getting stuck in traffic occasionally, which is obviously different.

I was going to say just this! OP, don't be worrying that the only people you can have are family. I have a number of friends who I lost, and who list me. Happy to help out whenever the need arises, as are they. Lean on people if you need them.

OP

Please make an appointment with the head of the school and make plan for if you are ever delayed.

This is something there should be a policy for if there is only one contact. A teacher may be willing to take a child overnight if necessary and you know they are DBS checked.

I think most parents who are able to would have a child for an hour or two, wouldn't you?

I know when anxiety is high it is difficult to stop or even slow but this is a problem with a solution, you just need to talk to the school.

It all depends on how late - it is extremely common at my school for parents to collect children 15 - 20 minutes late. We have a room managed by a TA where they all watch TV until they’re collected. There’s roughly 2-3 children per class. After a while (half an hour?) the children who aren’t collected get moved to sitting outside the office and then the phone calls begin. Eventually it’s social services (although that’s very rare).

@alexdgr8 Schools started locking all the doors after the Dunblane shooting. I was in primary school at the time and our school doors went from being closed (but unlocked), to being locked all day with entry only through the office for anyone late etc.

I'm sure other schools vary, but round here that was when there was a big shift when it came to securing the buildings.

If you think your mother isn’t the right person to be the emergency contact then you need to find another one. The key is to have a plan in place to circumvent the possibility of them being left - also it show you’re being responsible should the situation arise where you don’t show and your emergency contact isn’t available. It will also greatly reduce the possibility of her ending up with your ex.

Definitely explain the situation to the school too - they will only want to help you do what’s best for your DD and it’s so much easier if they know.

If you’ve never been late to pick up before and it really is a “what if”, then why not ask another parent at the school?

My friend was working in a school when there was a fire at a big local employer. A number of parents had left the building without car keys and phone so couldn't get to school for pick-up. I'm pretty sure they just kept the children in the after school club - that said, they'd have known about the fire by then so it's maybe a different circumstance.

Not sure about school but if my childminder had not been able to contact anyone for 45 minutes she would have called social services. I thought that was a very short period of time, especially as I used to commute by train and if the train got stuck you could be in an area without mobile coverage. Fortunately it never happened.

School wouldn't let you have just one emergency contact

can't do much else if you don't have anyone else to be a contact! Not everyone has grandparents or siblings nearby. I know the MN view is you can't have children if you don't have relatives who will stay local, alive and fit and well for at least 20 years - meanwhile, in the real world.....

Happened to 3 girls in DDs school once. Single mum usually fantastic parent. Head thought it was unusual. .Couldn't get hold of any emergency contacts but kept.going and finally tracked her down in hospital on the ICU. Not sure exactly what happened next but social services were called and the headteacher took all 3 girls home for the night and next day a family friend took them in for the 6 weeks their mum was stuck in hospital. I know all of this because their mum told me when I went to see her in hospital.

Before anyone asks their father was definitely not in a position to assist.

can't do much else if you don't have anyone else to be a contact!

Everyone has the option of asking another parent in the same school year if they would be a familiar face in an emergency situation. I’d do it if asked, most people would if they understood it wasn’t a case where someone would take the piss and abuse it.

In a similar situation when we lived far away from family we had our preschool childminder down as an emergency contact.

It’s not all about family, it can be about a network of options - a safety net. Most of the time it’s never going to be needed, hopefully. But you ought to have some contingency back-up and in most cases people can make that work.

Social services wouldn't be the least bit interested in an "abandoned" child at school, being cared for by familiar, DBS checked professionals, at 3.45pm
They'd suggest school calls the police if they are worried about a missing parent.

If a few hours passed without any contact they'd have to contact the police.
There was a little boy in my nephews class who was often waiting up to an hour, he was usually an hour late in the morning too, eventually his teacher would drive down collect him and drop him home, I know they had SS involvement. Poor kid.

I remember the below thread from this time last year - but the parent in question was deliberately planning to be shockingly selfish and neglectful and she deserved all she got - she wasn't just trying to make sure any eventualities would be covered in an emergency.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3453747-To-think-this-is-a-shitty-way-to-treat-creche-staff

320 pick up. They'll have them indoors on a bench trying all the numbers, by the office at 4. Moved to the after-school club then, and if no contact by 530 it would be authorities as after-school closes.

How old is DC Op?

Once they get a couple of years into school there will be a network of parents that help each other out in these situations. I can think of quite a few situations during my DCs primary school where parents
Have messaged around and a child has gone to a friends house; hospitals or accidents the main cause unfortunately. I once agreed to pick up two DCs of an aquaintance when she called me and asked - I could tell by her voice it was pretty urgent. Turned out they had been evicted the night before and she was in court- but the kids were so scared and she hadn’t told me it all. I was happy to pick them up but I could have done with knowing the back story

I once stayed until almost 11pm at school with a colleague and siblings because the parents were uncontactable, as were the emergency contacts. SS advised they had no foster care available so they would have to put them in a cell if we wouldn’t stay to look after them. So we obviously did all we could do keep in calm and low key. Put on a film, made them dinner, read them stories, found some sleeping bags and settled them on the comfy bits of the staff room. Awful situation. We were tempted to take them home but it’s a very difficult situation if SS are advising to stay put.

Please do put down contacts. I’m nowhere near family and have friends/school parents down. Most parents would be happy to help a child in an emergency.
I actually have the vicar down as an emergency (with her permission!) as she is very local and often has flexibility during the week in a real emergency.

More emergency contacts is better!

After the London bombings, staff at the nursery company i worked for, werent allowed to take the children home. Although we was all professionals, CRB checked, and knew the child, some for years.
They had to go with SS , which i understand but its so hard