To wonder what happens if you don't turn up to collect from school?

[Tiredmum1511]

What happens to the child?

In my children's school someone else would take them but we're in a country town in Australia. When I first came here I was a bit at how relaxed they are...but they now have multiple 'safe houses' in town....all women who have DC at the school. Plus the general store would probably look after them and feed them if it came to it!

Are the school aware of the court order? If not you need to give them a copy (Not just tell them because they aren't allowed to just take your word for it) asap.

Generally, a non-resident parent is allowed to collect a child against the wishes of a resident parent if the non-resident parent has parental responsibility. But a school wouldn't release a child to a parent against whom there is a court order (as long as they have been made aware of the court order and have been given evidence).

In my school, if there is a likelihood if an abusive parent trying to make contact with a child, then precautions are taken to avoid that happening.

Yes they are very aware of the court order fortuantly. They have full copies. They are also aware there's other issues.

If there is a court order against Ex, I assume you have told the school on no account must he pick them up. Schools are generally more concerned with dads picking up children than mums, I cant see anyway that it could happen just because you were late. But as I said above, put a system in place first thing monday morning.

@Tiredmum1511 is there another mum who would be an alternative contact for you in case of emergency?

At my school we go through the list of contacts, if there was no response after a reasonable wait we would put your child into after school club, and someone would drive to your house to check all is ok (while your child is in the after school club, so they wouldn’t know we were desperately trying to find you). If we couldn’t find you by 6.00 when after school care closes, it would be one for social services.

"SS phones after just half an hour hmm confused
I’ve known a couple of parents be very late due to a car crash and another was taken ill. Lovely to think school would call SS within such a short space of time!"

Scenario 1: something major has happened, children are going to need looking after overnight because parent is hospitalised or similar
Scenario 2: parents are unavoidably delayed, and all is sorted within another half an hour.

Scenario 2 is much much more likely. However, if it's scenario 1, knowing at 4pm makes it a lot easier for SS to make sure they have identified somewhere to take them if needed. If it turns out that it's scenario 2, the school will presumably call SS back and tell them it's all sorted.

Phone you and other contacts,then eventually Social Services.

OP in the school I work in We now require at least 2 emergency contacts because of concerns like this. Some people don't have 2 so we ask that they put their neighbours - not to necessarily pick the child up but check that mum hasn't fall and hit her head at home (it's happened)

Also we would NEVER call social services after just 30 minutes! If after many phone calls to parents and emergency contacts, if no one answers and it gets to 6pm, we involve local authorities but again to check that all is ok not to take the child away! I can think of this happening twice - one was in motorway traffic and had ran out of battery, the other it turns out had had an accident at home (she was fine)

We’d contact everyone on the contact list then probably ask the child to name a friend whose parents we’d then ask to look after him/her temporarily.

When I was 5 my dad didn't turn up to collect me so I walked home. He'd slipped a disc in his back and was lying in the hall.
This was in 1992. The school didn't even notice.
I assume security is a lot tighter these days.

I have no family here and at times DH has lived separately for significant time periods. You just have to go through your friends/acquaintances and pick the ones who you think would be the most reliable and trustworthy. Then hope it never happens. It’s still better than your ex being allowed contact.

Nobody's child is ever going to be left alone outside a locked and silent school building, though, rest assured.

It is awful when some poor little soul isn't picked up, but they are cared for and fussed over while frantic phone calls go on in the office. It is so important to let school have up-to-date contact numbers for back up. It's so worrying for little ones.

Once, my own two DD (then 7 and 4) were put off the school bus at their childminder's house on the wrong day, despite their protests. Luckily she was in! I was waiting anxiously at the usual bus stop but the driver took the wrong route for that day. This was when mobile phones were just coming in but we lived in a rural dead spot anyway.

And twice in my long career, a little girl was left waiting for a mummy who had been killed in a car crash on the way. 😢

So long as school are aware of the court order they have to follow it. Make sure there are no contact details for your ex listed. I went through this worry for years with my children’s father, but thankfully nothing ever happened. As previous posters have said get a friend or other mum to be next contact. If you worry about running late for collection or usual pick up time is changed for holidays etc try to set alarms on your phone to count down to pick up time.

And try not to worry about ex, kids are safe in school ❤️

I have had three times when DS wasn't picked up, the first time, there was a massive breakdown in communication between me and DP, I thought he was picking him up, turns out he was at work, the second time I thought DS had an afterschool club and he didn't and the third time I was hit by a car on my bike.

All 3 times the teacher has stayed with DS and waited for one of us to get there, the only odd time was the third time and they bought DS to the hospital (it was just over the road from the school and there was nothing seriously wrong with me)

After the London bombings.
Private nursery started to contact parents to collect their children so staff could all get home, if we couldnt get hold of both parents , within an hour, we got in contact with the emergency contact, and that was normally the grandparents, we had alot of them worried as there grown up children wasnt contractable.
Alot of children went home with their Emergency contacts and very sadly, afew went with social services that day

If everything happens as it should, social services would take the child before the school contacts the ex in a case with a no-contact order in place.

I would advise finding some backup. Really anyone. I wouldn’t want to agree to take any of my dd’s classmates to my home as a regular care routine, but I would certainly be willing to help out anyone in an emergency. I’d ask a neighbor or another parent to serve simply as emergency contact. Make it clear you don’t expect them to leave work to collect a sick child just because you miss a phone call from the school. This is for you getting in a minor car accident or somehow delayed in a way you can’t avoid.

It was outlined in our handbook the Garda would be contacted to report an abandoned DC.
I am not sure if they carried it out before, there are some late parent's would do it all the time, the teacher usually waits. It is a bit shit for the DC especially if teacher's fed up, you need a back up plan.

Our school would take the child to the on-site after school club (fee payable) while they try to establish contact. Social services would be contacted beyond that point.

I've had two instances of not being able to pick up on time. One involved a short-notice wild goose chase on the motorways and a couple of service stations to intercept DH with his passport on his way between a meeting and his flight. I phoned school and warned them and got there about 5-10 mins late and DS was still in his classroom.

The second time, my one hour round trip to a retail park at midday turned into a 5 1/2 hour ordeal through a grid-locked county after a murdering scumbag decided to let the motorway finish off his evil deeds for the day/his life. At 1:30, after well over an hour of failing to move an inch on a fully closed mororway, I rang another parent to arrange pick-up and notified school of the new arrangement, as there was clearly no way to get off the motorway and back home again in less than two hours. It was after 5pm by the time I made it back home.

It's common for parents running late to make an appeal on the class whatsapp and let school know. Handy if there isn't another reliable family member avaliable which is a common problem. It's only me and DH with any practical purpose, and he's often unattainable, which puts it back to just me for school to contact.

I once fell asleep when DS was a newborn. I was 45 minutes late.
I'm sure one of the DMs will help no problem, make sure they know the situation with your ex. The school will have that well covered.

Unbeknown to me a friend of ds1's parents had added me as a contact for their child.

When my mum collected my child (i was at work) she was just handed an extra child and told the school could not make any contact with the parents.

I took the child home and waited, increasingly worried, for contact. The parents phoned at 10pm to say they'd been to buy a PC and then realised they'd be late so decided to have a curry and did i mind dropping their child at school in the morning as they'd had a few drinks!

Strangely, their child (who was very bright) wasn't at all worried. As soon as i dropped the child at school i went to the office and said to remove my name from the child's contact list.

They then did it to someone else with no contact till 1am.

There is no moral to my tale, I'm rambling

Are you sure about removing your mum.
If you and her have had a falling out she might well still be available for DGC if required.

just for historical interest, anyone know when/how this system began? when I was at infant school children simply walked home, and the staff had no interest or involvement once the last bell went. their were no locked doors /gates either, until an hour or two later when the caretaker locked up. if some mothers came it would have been because they happened to be passing nearby, not a regular thing. I don't remember any waiting around or being collected. the final bell went and there was a mad rush for the exits, then dawdling, or ambling, running or rushing, to home or park or street, for play or just pass the time. there was much less over-looking of children then. I know things are done differently now, but perhaps too much so.

My friend and I have an agreement that we are the emergency contacts for each other’s nursery as neither of us have any local family. I also have another friend on my list who has loads of family, but I know would help me out if necessary.