AIBU?
Am I mean for not giving toddler a biscuit before bed?
BiscuitGate · 08/12/2019 20:09
So a huge row has erupted here, I definitely overreacted as I always tend to, but will give a back story first.
Toddler was over excited after coming back from seeing Santa, and probably tired as well. All of tea time he was throwing his food, drinks, cutlery anything he could get his hands on, onto the floor. Cue bath time its the same, throwing everything at me because he wont get in then throwing things because he doesn't want to get out. I said to him he won't be able to have a biscuit before bed if he carries on. I go down and explain this to my mum and she then proceeds to tell me "you don't punish children by not feeding them".
Maybe I was a bit mean but AIBU in thinking that that is a really weird/harsh way of putting it? Like if my kids are naughty I starve them? I don't know I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill
Am I being unreasonable?
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ActualHornist · 08/12/2019 20:13
What you’re doing is saying ‘you don’t get a treat before bedtime if you don’t eat your dinner’ not that you won’t feed him.
I tell mine if they don’t eat their dinner they can have toast. I’m not going to let them go hungry but I’ll be damned if I’m going to make two dinners because someone had a strop (although mine are long past the toddler stage).
Depending on his age though, does it even make any difference to him?
CloudyVanilla · 08/12/2019 20:15
Aw if he was tired and hes very little I would have given the biscuit myself.
Your mum was OTT in her delivery but I have to slightly agree that non treat food deprivation is not a form of discipline I would use.
Hope you both feel better and can relax now, I have a 4 year old and 2 year old and am heavily pregnant and with christmas excitement and bad weather they are being utter nightmares at the moment!!
Ragwort · 08/12/2019 20:15
Not sure why you give a toddler a biscuit before bed TBH, I know that’s not what you asked but why do that? Is your toddler genuinely hungry or is it just a habit?
But if he misbehaves then it is fine to say ‘no biscuit’ if that helps to get the message about his behaviour through. No need for your mum to comment at all, nothing to do with her.
delineateddelinquent · 08/12/2019 20:22
YANBU.
You’re not refusing to feed him which would be using food as a punishment. You didn’t give him a treat so he might think twice the next time.
Is it any wonder kids are as entitled as they are when adults are scared to say no to treats because they think it’s using food as a punishment and their children will end up scarred? 🙈
JennyBlueWren · 08/12/2019 20:37
Although I wouldn't give them a biscuit at bedtime I do use bedtime routine as a consequence for behaviour. If DS is being difficult at bedtime I question whether we'll have time for three stories or maybe itll have to be two quick stories? Have occasionally had to go through with it but it is difficult when it upsets him.
BiscuitGate · 08/12/2019 20:53
Thanks everyone for commenting 
he usually has half a rich tea finger type biscuit to go with his milk. Im just feeling like a shitty parent constantly and always feel alot of guilt. Mainly to do wuth personal circumstances to do with my own background, health and relationship breakdown. Thats a whole other thread though and i don't want to drip feed. Again thanks to those who commented x
Pinkblueberry · 08/12/2019 21:02
I don’t think using food as such is bad as a punishment as long as it’s a treat food so I disagree with your DM. But if it’s part of his bed routine then I wouldn’t - just like I wouldn’t not do DS’s story even if he was being a horrible pain, it’ll just cause more confusion and upset and there’s something sacred (for want of a better word) about those things I think because they need that comfort before bed. I wouldn’t feel guilty about it though, he’ll get over it. It’s not always easy to know what the right thing to do is when they’re in the middle of a tantrum. We learn as we go along.
HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 08/12/2019 21:20
I agree it’s not wise to use food as either a punishment or a reward so not something I would have done.
Regardless of that, it’s an odd punishment for a presumably small child who won’t be able to make the connection between “you three your cutlery/toys etc so no biscuit at bedtime which may be a good joy or two in the future”
Punishments need to happen in the moment and be relevant or he will just think you’re being mean for the sake of it so “you threw that toy so it’s going away now” is a better consequence for his actions and one he can better understand.
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