AIBU?
To say no to son's party?
HelpIcantfindaname · 08/12/2019 17:15
So DS30 has asked me a "massive" favour. It's his birthday weekend before Christmas, he has asked me to go & stay at my boyfriends (DD11 will be at her dad's that weekend) so he can have a couple of friends here ....but then adds there will be fewer than 10 people!!!
That's a party!
He doesn't live with me, he lives with my parents nearby.
I appreciate it's really hard for him not having his own place to invite people to....but.....
It's right before Xmas....what if they make a mess ...what if tree or decs get spoiled....what if someone leaves door open & theif gets in & steals pressies?
What if kitten, hes promised to look after, escapes?
He might be sensible but friends might not be. He doesn't drink.
I know it will greatly upset him if I say no, & I dont want another fall out...(hes always felt hard done by as his older sisters had 18ths & he didn't. He didnt have live here then & didn't ask for a party. He has ASD & can find it difficult to see others points of view.)
If he lived here still I'd probs let him....although still have all the above reservations.
He's had friends here when I've been away in the summer before (he was living here then) & it's been ok, but right before Christmas just seems a bit much.
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
DeathStare · 08/12/2019 17:23
The concerns you have about him make him sound really immature. Most people would have those sort of worries about their 18 year old having a party, not their 30 year old.
Then again the fact that he's 30 and is asking his mum to borrow her house for a party also sounds really immature. Can he not just go to a pub or restaurant? Or if he wants a party could he not hire a function room somewhere?
If he is really that immature I wouldn't say yes
NailsNeedDoing · 08/12/2019 17:28
He can’t help that his birthday is right before Christmas, so if you’d say yes at a different time of year then I can see why it would upset him if you said no now. He’s 30, presumably his friends will be roughly the same age so old enough not to be silly. I’d let him.
HelpIcantfindaname · 08/12/2019 17:29
Thanks for advice.
Yeah, he can be immature....but that's largely the aspergers....which is also the reason he lives with my parents. Hes had his own place a couple of times, but it has never worked out. Hes doing a degree & not working, so money is tight for him. He has massive social anxiety so working is difficult. His friends are a bit younger than him.
Lysianthus · 08/12/2019 17:49
I agree with @Wellmet. You said he was asking for a massive favour which implies he knows it’s a big ask. He probably anticipates that some of his mates might get out of hand, so perhaps a bigger gathering which includes you, DP and other adults he knows well might be the compromise you can all live with.
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