To say no to son's party?

[HelpIcantfindaname]

So DS30 has asked me a "massive" favour. It's his birthday weekend before Christmas, he has asked me to go & stay at my boyfriends (DD11 will be at her dad's that weekend) so he can have a couple of friends here ....but then adds there will be fewer than 10 people!!!
That's a party!
He doesn't live with me, he lives with my parents nearby.
I appreciate it's really hard for him not having his own place to invite people to....but.....
It's right before Xmas....what if they make a mess ...what if tree or decs get spoiled....what if someone leaves door open & theif gets in & steals pressies?
What if kitten, hes promised to look after, escapes?
He might be sensible but friends might not be. He doesn't drink.
I know it will greatly upset him if I say no, & I dont want another fall out...(hes always felt hard done by as his older sisters had 18ths & he didn't. He didnt have live here then & didn't ask for a party. He has ASD & can find it difficult to see others points of view.)
If he lived here still I'd probs let him....although still have all the above reservations.
He's had friends here when I've been away in the summer before (he was living here then) & it's been ok, but right before Christmas just seems a bit much.

[Ginfordinner]

For the benefit of the posters who CBA to read the OP properly or the updates

[fishonabicycle]

I would say no.

[ClashCityRocker]

Fewer than ten sounds less like a party and more like a gathering. But it sounds like there are concerns about how your son would be able to handle things if things did get a bit out of hand?

Is there anyway you could have a birthday celebration at your house where he could invite his mates? Most of our big family birthdays are thrown at our parents/parents in law with a mix of family and the birthday persons friends.

[PassMeAnotherCoffee]

I've voted YABU as I'd like to hope I'd manage my autistic son having a party at home in ten years time. At the moment the idea of him wanting a party at all would have me dancing in the street, so it's partly wishful thinking!
Could you offer to 'host' it for him? As in get it ready, serve food, and just hover in the background? That would probably be enough to stop anybody getting out of hand.

[Thorilicious]

It would be a no for me.
Do you know his friends? Could they be trying to take advantage of him, and using him and his birthday as a way to have a party base for a night?

[Thorilicious]

Sorry, meant no if I wasn't there...

[OrangeZog]

I’d be inclined to offer to pay for the hire of a village hall or room in a pub as a birthday present.

If you do say yes, can you either stay with the kitten and presents in your room or else take the kitten and presents with you?

[Tinkerbell89]

I would either say he can have a couple of close friends over to celebrate but you're not vacating for the night and will be home or he has to go out to a local pub or somewhere instead. It's your home so it's up to you on what you say is ok or not and he needs to try and understand that. Has he said why he wants to be at yours and not go out somewhere as I'd probably try to encourage him to book a table somewhere and have a nice meal out with his mates.

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

pub.

[irregularegular]

Unless he and his friends have a recent track record of being messy, not clearing up, breaking things etc yes of course I would let my adult son borrow my house to invite fewer than ten friends around if he didn't have his own space. Just as I would for any good friend or close family member.

Totally different from a teenage party. It's a small group of 30 year olds!

[Whatsername177]

I'm 36. If I were in invited to someones house we'd have some drinks, giggle and go home. I'd let him. I'd give him a time for your return and tell him the house needs to be perfect by then.

[Cherrysoup]

Massive no from me. Too near Christmas to rectify potential damage, kitten is too little to risk, he’s 30, he can go to a pub with them or book a table somewhere.

[AlexaAmbidextra]

I’d say a big fat no just because of the kitten.

[2kids1mummy]

I'm 30 and I'd never disrespect my friends mums house, even if I was drinking. I also wouldn't expect her to have to go out. (But would find it weird if she was in the same rooms as friends)

[twoshedsjackson]

If he lives with your DP's, why isn't he planning the party there? Ask him what their reservations are - and I bet they'll be along the same lines....ten unknown quantities and the Christmas spirit?

[PixieDustt]

Erm no, he can rent a hall.

[Ragwort]

Can you compromise and say he can invite some friends round but you will be staying in to look after the kitten & generally keep an eye on things?

[carly2803]

hes 30!?! god no aboslutely not. Plus he does not even live with you? definitely no no no no no no

he needs to hire a room/hotel/go to spoons like other normal 30 year olds

[Singlenotsingle]

Never in a month of Sundays! (or Saturdays or any other day). Not only wanting to use your house, but for you to go out too?!

[Nanny0gg]

@carly2803

Could you not even be bothered to read the OP's posts? You should have.

He has asperger's.

[Yestermost]

I would say yes but I love a party. Just get him to pay for a cleaner afterwards.

[Waveysnail]

Nope but id offer to hire a room in a pub for him

[DartmoorChef]

Suggest he hire an air bnb for the night. Between 10 of them it needn't be expensive.

[Jarw]

It's your house at the end of the day, it's your decision. Personally I'd say no, or the other alternative would be you allow him to have it at your place but you'd stay there throughout.

[Christmaspug]

No ,I’ve 2 with asd
Friends take advantage,claim to be friends when they aren’t,
Is he desperate to impress them?
They are younger than him so not as responsible.
Definitely no