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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a lot of the hard luck stories on here are people hoping to be sent money and goods?

148 replies

silverpurplegold · 08/12/2019 10:36

It used to happen a LOT more. I was reading some old threads this morning looking for something I remembered and came across a lot of tales of woe and hardship.

Have you ever sent money or goods to anybody? Were they genuine?

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/12/2019 13:44

YABU. Some people have no one they can talk to IRL. They may have a family network but Not all families are supportive.
A lot of the time people just want some emotional support.

Northernlurker · 08/12/2019 13:46

I've sent stuff twice. Once was a lady who took in a pregnant cat. She was pregnant herself and the thread was lovely about the kittens, but it was also clear that it was a stretch financially. So we twisted her arm to accept Tesco gift cards for shopping and cat stuff. She really didn't want to take it because she was scared of being accused of scamming. I think we had about £150 in the end. Can't remember tbh. Anyway I'm sure she was genuine but if she wasn't it didn't matter, the thought was there. The second time was a lady who mentioned a redundancy situation in passing on somebody else's thread. I sent her a birthday present for her son. She hadn't asked for anything and was similarly reluctant.

Shesalittlemadam · 08/12/2019 13:48

I was once asking advice (different forum) and it came across as begging and I was mortified as I wasn't asking for anything, just advice on thrify ideas!
I wasn't ripped apart thankfully but did get people offering money. I politely declined.

Sometimes people are genuine! Just think before you accuse. They really could be a single mum with no money because CMS have let them down. I try to weigh it up; I'd rather give to a scammer than accuse an innocent person of being one

TheBigFatMermaid · 08/12/2019 13:50

I am involved in a group chat on FB where someone we all know has been outed as being a scrounging CF!

She is claiming as a single mum to her 4 DC, when in fact her DP does live with her. She has borrowed money from friends, claiming she couldn't feed her kids. I have seen her ask for a new Samsung on a particular network on Freecycle and to top it all off, she has set up go fund me pages in both her and her DPs names, as 'my poor kids will get nuffing for Christmas'.

Lulualla · 08/12/2019 13:51

@Shesalittlemadam

But those arent the only options. You've just said you've got a choice of either giving them money or accusing them of being a scammer. How about dont do anything. Dont give money but also dont accuse them of being a scammer. Just leave it alone. Offer advice if you wish but nothing further.

Shesalittlemadam · 08/12/2019 13:52

@LoseLooseLucy To be fair, if I was in a situation like that, I genuinely wouldn't have a friend or neighbour to borrow from 🤷🏼‍♀️ My neighbours don't speak to anyone and my ex got rid of all of my friends!! A lot of people are isolated. Just because you aren't, doesn't mean nobody is Hmm

Nice to know I'd be disbelieved (not that I'd post on MN about it) due to my lack of friends Hmm

Velveteenfruitbowl · 08/12/2019 13:53

I once had a very kind mner send me some jeans she didn’t use after readings thread I’d put up looking for recommendations. Apparently someone from MN has done the same with wellies before. Definitely not a begging thread though, but much appreciated all the same. I sent her a bottle of wine back as a thank you.

Dogsaresomucheasier · 08/12/2019 13:53

Long before the internet and the welfare state my father was off work for a month with pneumonia. My older brother was a newborn so mum wasn’t working either. The greasy, stained bit of paper that had been passed round his factory colleagues on pay day inviting them to sign up to make a contribution to a hardship fund for him was still in his possession when he died sixty or so years later. Sometimes good people need a hand. I’ve given baby/child stuff/money before. As far as I know I’ve not been had.

hofuckinghoho · 08/12/2019 13:54

If someone is reluctant don’t press them.

Pipandmum · 08/12/2019 13:54

Goodness I've read thise stories and I must ne very naive but it never occurred to me that they were actually thinking people on here would send money! I give to food bank and charities by direct debit I would not trust an anonymous poster on a public forum.

LoseLooseLucy · 08/12/2019 13:56

My point was more about the ignoring good advice Shesalittlemadam, you can keep your little eye roll.

nrpmum · 08/12/2019 13:56

On another forum I sent a week's worth of shopping for a lady and her twins. She hadn't asked, but her ex had just left her and emptied her bank account and it was 2 weeks before Christmas. I had the money, and had been there so helped. If I was taken for a ride I'm not too upset.

VenusClapTrap · 08/12/2019 14:00

Different forum, but years and years ago I sent a beautiful Christmas wreath to someone who was bemoaning the fact she couldn’t afford any Christmas decs and their previous stuff had been lost in a house move. Husband was useless and she was having a generally bad time with a new baby and no money. She was a regular poster and it was a genuine moaning post rather than begging. She was massively grateful and posted photos of her front door. It was a nice thing to do.

Except that we became friends on FB and some time later I challenged one of her many Britain First memes, with the result that she unfriended me. Oh well.

AllergicToAMop · 08/12/2019 14:04

@VenusClapTrap I did not expect that twist 😂

VenusClapTrap · 08/12/2019 14:08

Neither did I Grin

KatherineJaneway · 08/12/2019 14:10

They're easy to spot though. Every suggestion is shot down and giving them cash is the only answer to help them. I report the posts and walk away but am sure some people are gullible.

isseywith4vampirecats · 08/12/2019 14:10

about 6 years ago when MN used to do secret santa, there was a what is poverty thread and i just went on there and did one post a breakdown of my finances at the time which despite working left me with £15 a week for food, due to circumstances at the time, and to this day i will never know who it was but someone on here sent me a £25 shopping voucher for asda, with a note saying buy yourself something nice, it was a total surprise and im sad that i will never be able to tell whoever it was how much that gesture made my day, totally different now and i give back where i can as pay forward for that kind gesture

astralweaks · 08/12/2019 14:11

You can only send jeans or whatever to someone who releases their address to you. Surely no one gives that to a stranger on the internet?

I honestly think the majority of those who come online to spin a sob story are not to be trusted. Life makes us cynical.

SouthWestmom · 08/12/2019 14:16

Wasn't there a time when there was loads of stuff going on for a couple of posters? Seemed to be a whole movement behind them.

WhereverIMayRoam · 08/12/2019 14:19

I don’t think it’s anywhere near as bad as it used to be a few years ago. I think posters are a bit more clued in so they get reported and MN take them down but dear god there were years when it seemed like one in five threads was a not very well disguised begging thread.

It was a bit shocking to see how many posters would swallow these tales of Dickensian hardship hook, line and sinker despite some very obvious holes in stories, unanswered questions and even in some cases advanced searches showing the poster had done the same thread the year before eg I have 3 under 5 and and I’m 23 weeks pregnant and dp has just walked out, two years in a row Hmm.

It is unfortunate though if people worry that they can’t come on just to vent for fear of being accused of looking for money and I do think some posters can be very quick to throw snarling accusations. Saying that I think how you word your OP and which topic you post in makes a world of difference!

LivingDeadGirlUK · 08/12/2019 14:23

I've never really used facebook groups pre kids but now I'm on quite a few and see the same posts being put on multiple groups. Admins are quite quick to investigate but it somehow seems even worse in a local group where you could bump into the people you are scamming!

Longtalljosie · 08/12/2019 14:26

I gave money for Trinity’s dishwasher and surprise oil bill but that’s it.

CurlsandCurves · 08/12/2019 14:29

There is an account on Instagram I’m aware of that is just blatant in her begging. In the last 2 weeks alone I’ve seen stories of she's got no Christmas decorations she’s no money to top up her gas, no food in the cupboards, is taking the kids to see Santa but can’t afford to go out for lunch after, is feeling poorly and would love to order a pizza but got no money. And today she posts a story saying oooh how much bad timing is this, right before Christmas and both the kids have had a growth spurt and need new shoes.

She’s at home with kids currently but her partner has a good full time job. So there is money coming in, but you’d not think it from her stories.

Thing is, there is one lady I know of who falls for all this from her and other accounts and she send money, gifts, etc. It’s just crazy.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 08/12/2019 14:34

There was a scammer here for a while who milked and milked and milked this place
She even had someone with a special mobile set up for her and who commandeered other posters to help
It was batshit
I often conclude that you can't cure stupid

PineappleDanish · 08/12/2019 14:38

Of course they are!

But you'll always get the gullible fools trotting out "well I can afford to lose a fiver, I would hate to think it was someone in genuine need..."

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