Is this a red flag?

[goldencuttains]

Bizarre conversation with man last evening.He's not really interested in sex and says it's over rated yet he wants to pursue a romantic relationship.Cut and run?

My friend went 7 years without sex, it’s amazing how important it becomes to you when it’s not an option

My partner of 34 years (he is 52) went off sex in his late 30s, so we haven't had it off since I was 40. We still kiss and cuddle but no tongues!

He was at his most active from c. 18-25. It's completely true that some men just aren't that into sex. I had to wait for the menopause until I reached a simpatico with him but now we are extremely happy again.

TL;DR: it's possible he's not lying to you. Then again there are a lot of wankers playing games. I suggest you watch and wait.

Sacrifice part of yourself?

It is soul destroying being in a relationship with someone who you want, who doesn't want you back.

I would bet my bottom dollar that the cuddles and kissing is only to reel you in.

He sounds a bit like my ex. I don't know if he's a narc/ sociopath ( very very charming, effortless liar, no conscience), but I do know that although he pretended to love women, he actually hated them.

Plenty of red flags....

Wait wait I just read this:

"He absolutely hates makeup, dyed hair, comments on women's lack of clothes when
We are out.*"

This is a massive red flag. Step away!*

Do you like sex, and in past relationships have you wanted sex with your partner frequently?

If yes, then I'm afraid you'll have to say "thanks, but no thanks" and move on. The two of you are sexually incompatible, and if you like sex, this will eat away at you.

There's nothing wrong with being asexual, and he is being honest, which is good, but if he wants a romantic relationship he needs to pursue one with someone else with a similarly low libido.

I wouldn't even entertain the idea of a relationship with someone like this.

He sounds a bit like my ex. I don't know if he's a narc/ sociopath ( very very charming, effortless liar, no conscience), but I do know that although he pretended to love women, he actually hated them.

Yes - and the calculated way this man had sex makes that a possibility. Sex involves vulnerability, letting yourself go, an intimate connection with another human being. Those are all things narcs can’t do.

OP, I’d think very carefully. If he’s putting on an act, once you take that on board as a possibility you should start to see some clues. Perhaps he just has a low sex drive, but the comments about women are weird, as is his need to be in control when you have sex.

Thanks. I feel like there is a piece of the jigsaw missing but it's not coming together for Me.He is kind, funny and caring.He has passed comments about women looking slutty before based on their hair, make up,low cut tops but yet will say he enjoys breasts( just not mine obviously ) and admires many females bodies.
He is in awe of his mother like she is a queen and many women in his circle.
Sometimes it feels like he is moulding
Me to be what he wants me to be and I am
Doing it without even realising. His friends are all married with children.
Another thing that bothers me is that he talks about himself ALOT and can be insensitive without meaning to be.
I'm trying not to overthink which is why I'm trying to keep it fact based thanks.My boundaries are skewed after a damaging relationship.

Comments about women looking slutty?

This man hates women. Run like the wind.

While it's not a red flag as such, over time, it's hard not to take it personally if you really want sex with this man and he just doesn't.

If you choose to pursue a relationship with him, you need to have his feelings absolutely clear in your mind, as you can't throw them back in his face later when he was honest from the start.

Run run and run!
Major red flags
Sounds like a narcissist.

But that's the thing, he loves his mother, his sisters his cousins and his friends who are women.Get on great with women.
Loves them! Cannot spend enough time with them.Thinks they are the best things ever but women who like to express themselves differently to how he sees what acceptable is , he has called slutty.
I find myself wearing high collared dresses and below knee dresses when we socialise.He doesn't painted nails, dyed hair. The list is ongoing .

Even if its not a 'red flag' you can reject someone for any reason and no reason. It doesn't have to be a red flag.

Madonna/whore complex op

He is kind, funny and caring. He has passed comments about women looking slutty before based on their hair, make up,low cut tops

The second sentence contradicts the first OP. He is not kind. How dare he comment on women's clothes and hair?! He sounds repulsive.

This is also particularly weird for a 35 year old- he sounds like he's an old relic.

The stuff amount his mother and you feeling "moulded" is a massive red flag!!! OP, listen to your gut on this and walk away now. Do you have history of tolerating unacceptable behaviour or low self worth? Otherwise, I can't think how you haven't left already.

What you're not doing here is centring yourself and your needs.
You're willing to sacrifice sex even though you like sex.
You're changing how you dress to please him.
This guy may be lovely ( although I think the slut-shaming aspect would make me suspect he actually isn't!) but he may not be the man who's good for you

He is in awe of his mother like she is a queen and many women in his circle

Yes, Madonna/Whore thinking.

Yes I have a history of abusive relationships and low self worth. Thought I'd finally
Met a good'un

The more you’re saying the more red flags are flying.
Walk away. There’s something odd about him. What do you mean, he will only have sex at certain times? What times?
He doesn’t like make up or hair or certain clothes. How long before he starts controlling you and what you wear and when?
The idolising his mother is another thing. 🏃‍♀️ run 🏃‍♀️

It’s certainly unusual and if he’s like this now it doesn’t bode well. Sounds like it’s going be an issue and that you’ll end up in a loveless relationship. I’d walk away. Definite red flags. Controlling too to only want sex under certain conditions.

He likes sex at night in the dark.

That's why I thought he may have had trauma in his early life. He cannot let himself
Go.He won't be vulnerable.

Sorry but he sounds weird esp comments about women. I wear what I want and don’t expect to be judged. He doesn’t like sex and you have a high sex drive he will never satisfy you. It’s a new relationship you shouldn’t be sexually frustrated already. I’d say YES it’s a massive red flag 🚩

I should have phrased that sentence correctly. When we have had sex it HAD to be at night and in the dark.

I don't think that anyone should be dictating lists of things that they won't " let" the other person do. I can understand one thing, maybe but ' the list goes on and on'? No thank you. Yes a red flag.

OP do you have a list of things DP must dress like/ do to please you? I think the answer will be no.

As another pp said, put your needs in the centre.

Sounds like a very odd man and worth getting away from.