More of a what should I do?
My mum died while I was pregnant and I was just 21. A few weeks later I had my little boy, every week since he was born we’ve visited the graveyard, every Christmas Day we’ve gone after we’ve opened presents.
He’s been brilliant, he openly talks about her and has always wanted to go see ‘ his granny ‘
He started reception in September, this week he asked me about Christmas Day, I said we will do the same as normal open presents and then go see granny with grandad. I was so so so shocked when he said he didn’t want to go anymore. I didn’t want to pressure him into questions so I kind of just brushed over it, were due to go tomorrow and I don’t know wether to or to leave it ?
What is the best way to approach this?
Obviously going to the graveyard gives me so much comfort- I can’t go on my own as I’m a single mum so finding someone to sit in with 2 little ones so I can go isn’t an option.
But I completely understand if it isn’t appealing for a 4 year old. But do I ask why? Do I encourage him to keep going or do I just leave it and take a break?
AIBU?
Son has told me he doesn’t want to visit the graveyard anymore
eastmeanswestmum · 07/12/2019 17:38
Am I being unreasonable?
900 votes. Final results.
POLLI’m sorry about your mum, OP, and also that you now feel conflicted about visiting her grave with your children. 
My daughter died not that long ago and I do take my other children to church over the Christmas period so we can light a candle (she was cremated so we don’t have a grave to visit). Do you go to church services? If so, you could do something similar so that you still get to feel close to your mum whilst your children enjoy the singing in the service and then get spend Christmas Day with their toys.
eastmeansestmum sending you .
AIBU is a horrible arena for anything sensitive and emotional.
I can’t imagine how shocking it was for you to lose your Mum like that when pregnant. Wanting my parents to live myDc was a huge part of my emotion when I had my babies, the sense of generations...
You haven’t been ‘doing it wrong ‘, you have done what was right for the time.
You sound like a really lovely Mum.
Don’t make a big deal of your Ds’s request. Still go through the graveyard on your way to the park, let him check the little dog, make your thoughts go your Mum private, and proceed to the park. Maybe at Christmas pop to the park if he has an outdoor toy to play with, pause to check dog and tell your Mum, silently in your head, that you are in your way to let Ds play with his toy.
Or as a Pp suggested, light a special candle for your Mum at home, but don’t make a thing of it for Ds.
And as for the pursed lipped folk with their rules about graveyards... no one is saying use the place as a BMX track, but where I grew up the graveyard / churchyard was a place in the community, that people did walk through, with dogs on leads, and small kids in whatever they were on.
More 
for you, OP.
Thankyou again for the replies. Obviously some of them are quite hard to read. It’s scary that people think I’m damaging him. I never ever wanted that noone wants that.
Today we set off as normal to walk the dog, he’s always happy to go he’s the out doorsy type. He took his scooter, I walked a different way to the park and he asked me why we are going a new way, I said because we never go this way it’s a nice change isn’t it. He said yeah it’s like an adventure mummy but let’s go the normal way home otherwise we don’t see granny.
So on the way home we went the normal way, passed through as normal and he was absolutely fine and said nothing of it. He commented on the lovely Christmas flowers people have put down for loved ones and seemed very normal.
I’m definitely going to take everyone’s points on board, I’m going to not mention going again and just see if he does, I get he’s growing up. I will say to him that we will call around Christmas time to leave flowers, but I’ll keep it open and see when he wants to go.
He made me so proud this morning
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