Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gifts for grandchildren - different amount for each family

166 replies

SweetSally · 07/12/2019 14:50

Hi all,

My husband and I are a bit confused about a situation that has occurred in our family. My parents in law have 3 grandchildren in total.
One girl below 1y old
Two boys below 2y old

What we believe to be a bit confusing is - one child gets £100 and the other two kids get £50 each. Basically the brother and the sister have £50 each and the child without siblings receives double this amount because he has no siblings.

Everyone is on very good terms so this is very confusing for me and I am not sure what to make out of it. Are they being reasonable?

(To avoid drip feeding - 2 of the children are mine, and SIL has 1 boy). Please don't get me wrong, we are not jealous of her and we are financially comfortable and we appreciate the grandparents generosity... However, my side of the family doesn't operate like this and I am slightly confused why are the grandchildren being treated differently?

Last Christmas (before DD was born) each grandson received £50. Now, the child without a sibling is being topped up another £50.

Please share your comments (let's keep it civilized and avoiding turning this into a nasty threat)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Aragog · 07/12/2019 16:33

Its an odd way to buy gifts from a grandparent I think. Not how things work in our families - each grandchild has x amount, not per family.

It seems odd to choose to spend double the amount on one child than the other two. If they have £200 to spend in total they'd be better splitting 3 ways and treating all 3 grandchildren equally and fairly.

Children aren't daft. Whilst not noticeable to the children at this point, it wouldn't really be that long before the difference between a £100 gift and a £50 gift are apparent.

stickerqueen · 07/12/2019 16:34

My mum's crazy when it comes to birthdays and christmas.

This year for my dd she has got a new laptop but my son has £50 in his card. She says it's because dd is older.

Aragog · 07/12/2019 16:35

As the family with one child, I would hate it if my PILs spent double on dd, than on our two nieces. Infant I know for sure that DH would speak discreetly to them about it. We've already spoken to friends and family in the past to let them know they don't need to be spending more on dd just because we have two or more of their children to buy for.

Crankybitch · 07/12/2019 16:37

Every week on here there is a thread saying inheritance should be split equally between the children.

I’d imagine they are doing a version of this - £100 per family to be split between the grandchildren - be that one or 10 per family.

If they did it the other way and spent £50 per head then the family with less children would be on here saying it’s unfair 🤷🏼‍♀️ (Or to use the inheritance example divided their assets between all the grandchildren equally? )

BackforGood · 07/12/2019 16:37

I'm confused how you know this, as it isn't Christmas yet.

However, I think it is a very odd way of thinking, form the Grandparents.
Yes, it is their money and no-one has a "right" to expect anything and all the other phrases trotted out on here but , as you're asking, IMO, it is a very odd thing for them to do.

Notodontidae · 07/12/2019 16:38

I agree with Goawayquickly as well, stepchildren, are so prevalent in families today, it's not unusual to have two or three from different parents in one family. This concept is hard to take on board for GPs, but I agree with OP regardless of parentage they all receive similar presents that are age appropriate. NB If someone asks a genuine question of concern there is no reason for it to turn nasty. They ABU by being misguided.

Aragog · 07/12/2019 16:41

motherheroic Sat 07-Dec-19 15:19:36
It actually reminds me a bit of how my nan did her will. All the grandkids got the same amount of money, even if they had children.

Whilst I think the OP Christmas gifts is odd, I don't think the will is.
The will was gifts to the grandchildren, not to the great grandchildren. Just like some parents split their inheritance between their children and dont take grandchildren into account at all. I think that is fairly normal.
My own will, with dh's, leaves everything to dd but if she wasn't here anymore it is just split 50/50 between my family and DH's family - doesn't take into account how many siblings, nieces and nephews there are.

CherryPavlova · 07/12/2019 16:42

Generous grandparents. The children won’t have a clue so not sure why it’s even been raised.
Their money their choice as to how it’s divided.

SevenStones · 07/12/2019 16:44

I think this has happened via influence from the SIL. I think it's weird.

By all means set an approximate amount to spend on GC, then split it between them.

YANBU. I'd let them get on with it.

cptartapp · 07/12/2019 16:46

SIL DC always got more spent on them at Xmas over the years. Both have two each. They think I never noticed but my nephews gave the game away more than once. The thin end of the favouritism wedge.

OrangeZog · 07/12/2019 16:58

DB insists that I spend £50 on his one child whilst he spends £50 on each of my children. It really bothers me and makes me feel uncomfortable.

I think that you should be saying to your children that you get gifts as a family and because your family is bigger, it’s fewer gifts per person. As long as they grow up understanding that then it should prevent any ill feeling.

Wildorchidz · 07/12/2019 17:02

It isn't for parents. It is a present for the kids, spend it on what they want or save it.

The children are toddlers.

DaanSaaf · 07/12/2019 17:05

My il's have 12 grandchildren and my dp have 3. I've never known what they spend on each, nor has it occurred to me to find out. I say thank you for the gifts my dc receive and that's it. It's not the way I'd do things but £50 worth of presents is a good amount.

Rubyroost · 07/12/2019 17:07

let's keep it civilised and avoid turning it into a nasty threat

But you posted on AIBU?! Hmm

So yes you are... They spend 100 quid on your kids, stop moaning and accept the gifts.

OneDay10 · 07/12/2019 17:07

It's fair. They are doing it per family. So your DC gets what's fair.

Aragog · 07/12/2019 17:11

I've never known what they spend on each

The OP says they open the gifts altogether in front of one another. So it will be fairly obvious to all adults, and in a few years, the children too.

It's fair.

I don't think it is fair at all, not to the children. They should all get £50, not one get double. And I say that as the family who has the single child whilst others have more.

OddBoots · 07/12/2019 17:14

My inlaws have 5 children each with children of their own. It's hard for them to work out what to get each grandchild so they give each of their children the same as a cheque to get what they think their children would want. Each child gets the same regardless of how many children they have had. It's not really much different to your situation but it's never seemed odd to me.

TeacupDrama · 07/12/2019 17:16

my M&D have 4 children all adults, 2 unmarried, 1 married with 2 kids, 1 married with 1 kid for birthdays they spend the same on each family member including spouses
at christmas they spend the same on each grand child but those that are married get a joint present with their spouse or a smaller present each so the amount per couple is the same as the amount for single children
I would never expect my child to get a present double the cost of the ones her cousins get because she is an only child

Teateaandmoretea · 07/12/2019 17:21

It is really strange. I would understand it more if they were older, but SIL may have another baby meaning that her older child will have more money in the bank than her youngest. Did they give your oldest DC more before sibling was born?

Teateaandmoretea · 07/12/2019 17:24

Whilst I think the OP Christmas gifts is odd, I don't think the will is.

I agree so actually they are dividing Christmas money like a will 😆. Normal for a will, but not for the season of goodwill which is supposed to be a happy event

Teateaandmoretea · 07/12/2019 17:25

you come across as grabby

It is about her children and the deal they get Hmm

FrostythefeckinSnowman · 07/12/2019 17:28

Wow, we spend about £20 on our 8yr old DGS for Xmas so £50 each for a toddler, seems a bit excessive to me. Shock
.

Purpleartichoke · 07/12/2019 17:28

My parents budget per child, not per grand child. Most years, they just send a check of equal value to each child and tell us to divide it among our household as we see fit.

rookiemere · 07/12/2019 17:29

I think your ILs are entitled to gift their money as they see fit. It would be different if they gave your DCs £10 each and the other GC but from their perspective they are trying to be fair to each family.

Believe me as a parent to an only, it evens out. Meals out with friends with 2Dcs to our 1 yet bills split equally between families, ditto for holidays and presents . We desperately wanted another DC but it wasn't to be - but sometimes it feels like we're paying for one regardless.

Floralnomad · 07/12/2019 17:30

I can’t see the issue with it ,but then I’ve never price matched my own children’s presents .