Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gifts for grandchildren - different amount for each family

166 replies

SweetSally · 07/12/2019 14:50

Hi all,

My husband and I are a bit confused about a situation that has occurred in our family. My parents in law have 3 grandchildren in total.
One girl below 1y old
Two boys below 2y old

What we believe to be a bit confusing is - one child gets £100 and the other two kids get £50 each. Basically the brother and the sister have £50 each and the child without siblings receives double this amount because he has no siblings.

Everyone is on very good terms so this is very confusing for me and I am not sure what to make out of it. Are they being reasonable?

(To avoid drip feeding - 2 of the children are mine, and SIL has 1 boy). Please don't get me wrong, we are not jealous of her and we are financially comfortable and we appreciate the grandparents generosity... However, my side of the family doesn't operate like this and I am slightly confused why are the grandchildren being treated differently?

Last Christmas (before DD was born) each grandson received £50. Now, the child without a sibling is being topped up another £50.

Please share your comments (let's keep it civilized and avoiding turning this into a nasty threat)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
MistyCloud · 07/12/2019 15:46

@RightYesButNo

OMG I am officially terrified now! Shock

That pink and white kittie looks like it means business! Grin

Or is it a teddy? (Or a mouse?!) Grin

Gifts for grandchildren - different amount for each family
ConstanceL · 07/12/2019 15:52

OP, it's not really that confusing - they are clearly giving equitably between their children's families. I imagine if your SiL has another child they will split it between the two children.

Waveysnail · 07/12/2019 15:55

Is sil struggling for money?

Wonkybanana · 07/12/2019 15:56

I have 5 kids and my sister has 2. Should my mum spend the same on my kids that she does on my sisters kids? No. Because it’s too expensive for her.

But it's not the children's fault that one family has more DCs than another. Surely the fair thing to do is decide how much you can afford to spend and divide that amount by the number of GCs? Then each child is treated the same. Children do notice and as PPs have said, take it to mean they're not loved as much.

Winterdaysarehere · 07/12/2019 15:56

Ils omitted to buy for 1 dgc altogether. 3 non biological dc got presents. The biological one didn't. Repeatedly until we went nc.
Nowt as queer as folk.
Ex ils did £1 each pocket money for 2 dc. Had to spread 3 ways when dc3 came along. Bonkers.
I am a tight cow and dgc gets no pocket money and nominal amount spent at birthday and Xmas.

ChristmasConcert · 07/12/2019 15:57

It can be tricky - nothing is ever totally 'fair'. My siblings and I spend the same amount on each niece and nephew - an agreed figure for Christmas and birthdays. This means each child gets the same - but it's not fair on the parents as some have more DCs than others, and one only has one DC, so you could argue that's not right, as well.

It's a bit like wills - Martin Lewis recommends leaving your assets to your DGCs not your DCs to reduce inheritance tax (I think) - but again - working out the split for that could cause issues whichever way you went. All these things are minefields.......

The best thing I think is to talk it through with all family members, and aim for some sort of consensus - or at least understanding.

Pipstelle · 07/12/2019 16:00

Nope. This wouldn't bother me. It's their money to gift as they see fit. I can't believe people have gone NC over this issue!? It's a gift. It doesn't matter what they've given someone else or how they've allocated it. Per family is hardly an odd way of doing it anyway.

doritosdip · 07/12/2019 16:06

It's not a choice I'd make (I'd do £50 each) but does the one child family have a smaller income? Are the parents of the other family more sensitive to perceived favoritism to the other sibling?

The good news is kids don't know how much things cost so as long as the number of gifts are the same, they might be oblivious for now?

RightYesButNo · 07/12/2019 16:07

@MistyCloud I think it’s a teddy? Err... not sure Xmas Confused Look, the point is, whatever it is, it’s civilized, dammit! I was instructed to keep it civilized and if this dancing bear isn’t civilized, I just don’t know what is anymore.

Gifts for grandchildren - different amount for each family
Jaxhog · 07/12/2019 16:10

My guess is that SiL kicked up that 'she' only got one share, while you got two.

DeadSouth · 07/12/2019 16:12

My stepdads just spent about £150 on my DD, his biological GC get about £30.

He based his spending on incomes as I couldn’t afford as many presents.. still completely mortified by the generosity of it, but grateful.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/12/2019 16:13

This is setting up the families for a world of grief. It will be ok if your sil has children within the next 5 years then stops. But what if she has another when her child is 8 or a third when the 8 yo is 11?

Do you intend to have any more children op?

Hagbeth · 07/12/2019 16:17

I got 5 children and six grandchildren. If I were to give each child £50 that would be £300! Three of my own children are under 15 so I put them first. I just give to the grand children if they really need something and then I could help pay for this. I don’t give any presents to anyone other than my own young children and my husband. We don’t expect or get presents either.

Yarboosucks · 07/12/2019 16:19

Money! It is always about how much money is spent and what is fair.

It is Christmas, not a bloody financial transaction and life is not fair. Your parents money, their choice how they spend it.

cstaff · 07/12/2019 16:20

I have 2 nieces from different families who are also friends. If they were getting different amounts from their gps this would definitely be talked about and questioned and rightly so. Kids would not understand why their nana was giving one 50 and the other 100.

MinervaSaidThat · 07/12/2019 16:21

I think this is fine because it’s cash

Let’s face it, cash for DC is cash for parents at that age. (Yes I know some will save cash for DC)

So I can see their logic that their children’s families should get equal cash.

If they move to presents then they should give the same value gift to each child.

BlouseAndSkirt · 07/12/2019 16:22

My brother has twice as many kids as I do.

I would be very upset if my nieces and nephews got less as presents than my children. I would rather the grandparents set a budget to be divided equally amongst the grandchildren.

OP: your ILs have a weird outlook.

BlouseAndSkirt · 07/12/2019 16:24

Let’s face it, cash for DC is cash for parents at that age. (Yes I know some will save cash for DC)

It isn't for parents. It is a present for the kids, spend it on what they want or save it.

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/12/2019 16:24

I think it should be the same per child. The gift is for them, not for the family. They would be better just giving each of their own children £100 to spend on the family if that's how they want to play it.

OctoberLovers · 07/12/2019 16:25

I have a nephew and niece and i spend an equal amount on them at Christmas and birthday, roughly £150/ £200
If one of them had a sibling in the future, that child would also have the same amount of money spent on them...

I think doing it per family is mean

AdriannaP · 07/12/2019 16:26

The children won’t understand for years to come.
It’s their money - they can spend how they want, doesn’t need to be “fair”. £50 per child is a lot, you come across as grabby.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 07/12/2019 16:27

My grandmother approached gift giving this way. I think it was probably not right. She meant no harm though.

DreamingofSunshine · 07/12/2019 16:28

That is weird.

We have 1 DC, SIL has 3. I'd rather ILs did £25 per child than £50 on ours and split £50 between the other three, it's not the children's fault that they are an only child or have siblings.

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/12/2019 16:29

My mum used to give my DC a little more than other grandchildren (i told her not to) on the basis that all her other grandchildren were older and also had other grandparents which mine didn't. we are an easy going family and she was quite open about it and no-one was bothered. She died when mine were still teenagers so in effect if we are being mercenary, overall my DC had a lot less , both of her time and love and gifts. No 18th presents etc. There is 25 year age gap from oldest to youngest grandchildren. However, we are still talking about them maybe getting £25 and the others getting £20.

JavaQ · 07/12/2019 16:31

The children are too young to notice. Only you are noticing. But you say it doesn't bother you, really.

So that is all good.

Move along now people. Nothing more to see. Anyone want some Pom Bears? Bear

Swipe left for the next trending thread