To regret doing this? What should I do?

[uahlyaday7]

I've namechanged as I don't want to be outed.

Last night I went out for a drink with my friend. He's gay but he has a daughter from when he was denying that he was gay.

He had a pint and then he started flirting with me. Saying I was sexy etc.

He asked me if I would want to go to his place to watch a film because he didn't want to get drunk. I said yes and he carried on flirting with me. I don't know why but I kissed him and then we ended up sleeping together

I really regret this. And don't know what to do.

I'm going to see him later as im going to my works Christmas party and he said he would come with me if I wanted to go because I didn't want to go alone (im the only single person at work and they are going to bring their partners).

[KnitFastDieWarm]

His sexual orientation is almost an irrelevance here; it’s distracting from the fact that he:

• has sex without a condom and with no regard for his or your sexual health or you getting pregnant
  
• kicked you out of his house after sex
  
• didn’t answer messages afterwards
  
• met up with you and proceeded to a) say stuff to fuck with your head and b) invite you to his daughter’s party, thus putting you an awkward position of looking like the ‘bad guy’ if you refuse to go.
  

I don’t think he’s a good a person as you think he is. He may not be a bad person exactly, but I think he certainly has the potential to be, at best, very emotionally draining for you. Be careful.

[Lightkeeper]

This all sounds like that movie ”The Next Best Thing” minus the child...

[Motoko]

Exactly what KnitFast said ^.

He's sounding manipulative.

Make sure you DO go and get tested, and for god's sake, carry some condoms with you in your bag, so if you have sex with any man, you're always protected. Don't have sex without one. They're not just for preventing pregnancy.

How come you don't know where you are in your cycle? When was your last period?

[diddl]

" He asked me if I'd ever have sex with him again and I said I don't know and he said he would if I wanted to."

"he only feels this way about me"

What a load of shit he spouts all designed to keep you on side & available.

Don't fall for this shit, Op.

He's treating you horribly.

[uahlyaday7]

I dont know my cycle because I haven't been tracking my last period etc.

He messaged this morning saying he has decided he wants a relationship with me. But I'm not sure if I do with him.

[lljkk]

Is he a nice guy? Would you recommend him as relationship material to anyone?

Doesn't sound like you can handle this as something casual & he can't be sure he'll be consistent.

:( if these events have ruined your friendship.

[diddl]

"But I'm not sure if I do with him."

Then DON'T!!!

[Bluerussian]

katewhinesalot Sat 07-Dec-19 17:44:01
Tell him you'll put it down to a mad moment.

He's told you today he's not bisexual so he's not interested in taking it further.

Try and laugh about what a pair of fools you were. You can get over this with humour. If you make it a heavy conversation you are more likely to ruin the friendship.
.........
What Kate said above.

I think you would be unwise to be anything other than just friends with him, uahiyaday. It would only end in hurt. There are countless stories of women marrying gay men, even having children, but the man's 'gayness' will out in the end. What's the point? You're young, there are more fish in the sea.

Gay people will sometimes be attracted to the opposite sex (and visa versa), it doesn't mean they are bisexual.

Please don't get involved with him, it was just one of those things that happens sometimes, nothing more.

Take care .

[JorisBonson]

OP you sound really young and naive. Have you sorted MAP?

[Rosepetals30]

Urgh this sounds like my ex best friend when I was younger. I was naive, I fell for it, somehow I was an exception to his gay rule 🙈

This isn’t a friend. And he just expected you to go unprotected and you deal with the MAP the next day? He got what he wanted and chucked ya out? Come on, this is not what friends do.

I’ve been there with another friend. We took it too far. We laughed it off the next day. We don’t speak of it and if something does come up we just giggle and leave it there. It shouldn’t be this hard OP.

[uahlyaday7]

I took the MAP yesterday. I've not replied to him as I don't know what to say.

He is a nice guy most of the time.

[AFairlyHardAvocadoHoHo]

He's decided?

It sounds like he's summoned you and is expecting you to go along with his "decision".

Shagged you without a condom because there wasn't one immediately to hand, sent you home after sex, left you hanging the next day when you text him. You were expected to go along with what he said at each of these stages.

But now he's done an about turn and he wants you to be in a relationship. You're again expected to go along with what he wants.

Relationships can be tough at the best of times. There are so many layers of complication and potential for you to feel insecure in this relationship.

You have doubts. Listen to them.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

He messaged this morning saying he has decided he wants a relationship with me

But he's also told you he's gay. Not bisexual. Gay.

Does he want a relationship with you because he thinks you will be cool about him also sleeping with men?

He very very clearly doesn't know what he wants, and I think you should stay well away from a relationship from him. He's already giving off the signals that mean he would mess you about.

[Sparklybaublefest]

Its just sex surely

[Sparklybaublefest]

Sex with a man who sleeps with men, condoms should have been worn op.

[Sparklybaublefest]

You are not sure if you want a relationship?
There is no hurry op.

[AnniePankettonne]

Are you going to the tea?

[Zaphodsotherhead]

And all the gay men I know have plenty of condoms around, even those in a current 'dry spell' never know when they might get lucky!

So his 'I don't have a condom' but still expecting you to go through with sex... fishy, at best.

[FizzyGreenWater]

You sound very flat, OP.

I can't help thinking that it's partly because you must feel very much on the back foot and you're not sure how or why you got here.

FWIW, I think you've been well and truly manipulated here by a pretty shifty character. You were ok with the sex, fine. But you were definitely manipulated into this situation. 'Oh I'm gay. Oh come back to mine. Oh this is going to sound weird but can we have sex? Right-o, hope you were ok with that, could you leave now? Oh no I'm not bisexual. Hang on, I think I want a relationship' (this last only when you've been probably a lot more flat and unresponsive than he was expecting).

The bottom line is that he doesn't sound particularly truthful, he sounds like he's out for himself and is a potential selfish head fuck.

I think you know that but you keep thinking 'But he's a friend and he hasn't done anything actually wrong.'

I would detach from this, and him. And no way on earth would I consider a relationship with someone so shifty.

And please get an STI test, having unprotected sex with a man who sleeps with men is risky.

[diddl]

"He is a nice guy most of the time."

Are you sure??

Well, even if he is, is that good enough?

He's already treated you horribly & now wants a relationship?

Honestly, why aren't you telling him to fuck off with that?

[AnniePankettonne]

You must be feeling really confused right now.
Get yourself tested .
As previous posters have said carry condoms .
It is weird he did not have any .
It is weird he told you to go .
It is all weird.
I think you have to not see him for a while or not ever again.

[Honeyroar]

He fancies you. He has all along. He was flirting with you, letting you drink more. Invited you back to his house, slept with you unprotected, practically threw you out afterwards and left you wondering for 24hrs. Said he was gay then created some story about you. Doesn’t want a relationship then he does. Too hard! Step away from the head fuck and upset that would follow if you continue down this path. You don’t even sound that bothered anyway. Go back to friends.

[IdiotInDisguise]

Believe me, it is not exactly a compliment that you are the only one who can get him hard, you are not helping him to rediscover his straightness... he is just a bisexual guy who prefers men but has been in a sex drought for far too long. Don’t be gullible, he cannot decide he wants an heterosexual relationship overnight, he is not your friend either if he finds no problem in manipulating you in this way for his own sexual gratification.

[lljkk]

I wonder if OP is a wuss... or if she's in love with him.

But sometimes Love is irrelevant, anyway.

My hunch is..he's not going to give you what you want, OP. Put him firmly back in the friend-only box (even if you need to avoid him completely for 6m to do that) & move on.

"That did my head in & I need to not see you for a while" is all you need to say to him for now.

[Tistheseason17]

He doesn;t want to be with you.
He wants a mother figure for his daughter when he's with her and he hopes it can be you.

To say he is NOT bisexual but has the hots for you and wants a relationship with you is very odd. His treatment of you on that night should be enough to make you run a mile. You are the presentable face for his life as a family unit but he will cheat on you.

You need to friend zone him asap.