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AIBU?

To regret doing this? What should I do?

175 replies

uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 11:08

I've namechanged as I don't want to be outed.

Last night I went out for a drink with my friend. He's gay but he has a daughter from when he was denying that he was gay.

He had a pint and then he started flirting with me. Saying I was sexy etc.

He asked me if I would want to go to his place to watch a film because he didn't want to get drunk. I said yes and he carried on flirting with me. I don't know why but I kissed him and then we ended up sleeping together

I really regret this. And don't know what to do.

I'm going to see him later as im going to my works Christmas party and he said he would come with me if I wanted to go because I didn't want to go alone (im the only single person at work and they are going to bring their partners).

OP posts:

Report

Drum2018 · 07/12/2019 15:22

He likely took advantage of your drunken state

Did you miss the part where op said she kissed him? Why is he being painted as the one to take advantage? Looks like it was a drunken mistake on both sides @uahlyaday7. Hopefully you can both laugh it off and get past it without too much awkwardness. He's probably feeling the same way today.

JadeDragon23 · 07/12/2019 15:27

I asked him if he's bisexual and he said no

I don’t understand why you even asked. He is.

Him saying he’s not is either him lying to you to try and keep you confused because he’s a predatory arsehole OR evidence that he’s confused himself and best avoided.

Gay men don’t fuck women anymore than lesbians like giving blow jobs. He’s NOT gay.

uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 15:32

He said he doesn't know why it happened he just wanted to. And he's asked if we are still going out later.

OP posts:

FizzyGreenWater · 07/12/2019 15:32

Hmm.

I don't like your 'friend' very much, I think. Nice of him to ask you to leave like that...

Chalk this one up to experience, forget about it - but don't take him to your works do.

And definitely just text back the crying laughing emoji in reply to his 'not bisexual' text.

BuildBuildings · 07/12/2019 15:34

Asking you to leave after sex isn't very protective or friendly.

AFairlyHardAvocado · 07/12/2019 15:40

Aside from anything else he's being a shitty friend to you.

Imagine if one of the guys you dated (who apparently made him feel protective) kicked you out after sex then took ages to reply to a message the next day, knowing you felt confused. Would he have thought they were a nice guy? Nah. Coz they'd be a dick.

uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 15:50

He's asked If we are still going out later and I said I don't know. He then said he wants to talk and that we don't have to go to the work thing we can go out on our own.

OP posts:

KnitFastDieWarm · 07/12/2019 16:21

Nearly everyone is at least potentially bisexual TBH. (Please, all of you, don't waste your bandwidth bellowing that you are not. No one cares.

I am loudly and proudly bisexual. I don’t think everyone is ‘potentially bisexual’ - some people are very much gay, or very much straight. Their sexuality is as valid as anything else along the Kinsey scale and deserves respect.

Onesnowballshort · 07/12/2019 16:23

Go to your bloody work night out OP, why should you cancel so you and he can have an awkward evening together. You aren't just there for his amusement, you are busy tonight so stick to your own plans.

Raspberrytruffle · 07/12/2019 16:28

OP he is certainly not a freind at all, ges completely used you! Freinds do not treat upi this way what ever his sexuality he has behaved like a complete shit, ignore him he isnt your freind.

Raspberrytruffle · 07/12/2019 16:29

Sorry can you tell I've had a glass if wine

AFairlyHardAvocadoHoHo · 07/12/2019 16:32

I am loudly and proudly bisexual. I don’t think everyone is ‘potentially bisexual’ - some people are very much gay, or very much straight. Their sexuality is as valid as anything else along the Kinsey scale and deserves respect.

Same here. Thank you. I typed something similar earlier but couldn't word it correctly so didn't post. Thank you for articulating my feelings. Being bisexual woman isn't snogging a girl in a club, it's a legitimate sexuality.

lljkk · 07/12/2019 16:37

You need to talk to him about how you both proceed to stay friends.
You won't stay friends if you don't talk it thru.
So talk it thru.

Drum2018 · 07/12/2019 16:45

Why is everyone slating the ops friend? Perhaps he's also freaked out today questioning what the hell happened.

Turn it around - op invites her friend back to her house, he ends up kissing her and they continue to have sex, op realises she made a mistake and is struggling to know what to do so asks her friend to leave.

Everyone would agree that op was within her rights to ask her friend to leave and not berate her for doing so. It appears op was a willing participant in the sex last night, she kissed her friend and he responded. They are both consenting adults, nobody was raped, and both parties probably feel mortified and confused today.

@uahlyaday7 you both need to chat about what happened, face to face.

Notodontidae · 07/12/2019 16:52

Its not much of a big deal, you were both consenting adults, maybe a bit merry, and it happened. If you dont want to continue the relationship go to the works party as normal, and stick with a group of friends, or better still ask a male friend to join you.

MinervaSaidThat · 07/12/2019 17:00

This is a bit squicky because you don’t expect a gay man to come on to you as a woman. It messes with boundaries.

LoonyLunaLoo · 07/12/2019 17:00

I’d see what he has to say for sure!

uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 17:02

I do want to talk to him but it will probably be awkward. I don't know if I'm going to the works do because I don't know if To go with him. I don't have any other male friends only him And my ex.

OP posts:

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 07/12/2019 17:05

If his cock got hard for you a woman, he isn’t gay! Bi probably, gay no

He was turned on by you!

Why regret it? You wanted sex, two consenting adults had sex 🤷🏻‍♀️

LigPatin · 07/12/2019 17:07

He may or may not be gay, but he sounds like a bit of a dick

lljkk · 07/12/2019 17:15

2 people had a consensual good time.
Okay maybe not so good, but they both hoped it would be good.
Casual sex is not my thing but many people manage it successfully.
Just talk to him.

ferrier · 07/12/2019 17:17

He sounds fine but confused to me. You also sound confused.
Why can you not just carry on being friends? (I can understand that you may prefer not to if you want more than that, now the possibility has been dangled in front of you).

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IdiotInDisguise · 07/12/2019 17:21

Don’t go, the last thing you want us to be there feeling awkward in front of everyone. No need. Go on your own or don’t go. Simples

IdiotInDisguise · 07/12/2019 17:23

Is, not us... I will not be, obviously, at your work do 😁

ysmaem · 07/12/2019 17:43

He's bisexual. Text him to clear the air, say it shouldn't happen again and that you regret it

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