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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To regret doing this? What should I do?

175 replies

uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 11:08

I've namechanged as I don't want to be outed.

Last night I went out for a drink with my friend. He's gay but he has a daughter from when he was denying that he was gay.

He had a pint and then he started flirting with me. Saying I was sexy etc.

He asked me if I would want to go to his place to watch a film because he didn't want to get drunk. I said yes and he carried on flirting with me. I don't know why but I kissed him and then we ended up sleeping together

I really regret this. And don't know what to do.

I'm going to see him later as im going to my works Christmas party and he said he would come with me if I wanted to go because I didn't want to go alone (im the only single person at work and they are going to bring their partners).

OP posts:
katewhinesalot · 07/12/2019 17:44

Tell him you'll put it down to a mad moment.

He's told you today he's not bisexual so he's not interested in taking it further.

Try and laugh about what a pair of fools you were. You can get over this with humour. If you make it a heavy conversation you are more likely to ruin the friendship.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2019 17:53

He's your ex's best friend? What do you mean he slept with you to show off to your ex? That's a really odd thing to think and you need to explain it, no one shags their best friend's ex to show off to them, that would be spiteful and not th actions of a friend.

Are you both adults? I am Hoping so, but the fact neither you nor him seem to know what gay actually means would indicate otherwise

AnniePankettonne · 07/12/2019 17:57

Does he normally reply quickly?

lyralalala · 07/12/2019 18:14

He's asked If we are still going out later and I said I don't know. He then said he wants to talk and that we don't have to go to the work thing we can go out on our own.

He might just be as confused as you, however him suggesting you don't go to your work do combined with being possessive/protective when you have a boyfriend jumped out at me

Be very careful here. You had sex and then he kicked you out. Be careful it's not a case of him not wanting you, but not wanting anyone else to have you either

AnniePankettonne · 07/12/2019 18:20

Can you go without him ?

lljkk · 07/12/2019 18:22

Do you want an ongoing romantic relationshp with this fellow, OP?

Original poster
uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 18:23

Yes he's my exs best friend. I don't think he slept with me to make my ex jealous someone else mentioned it up thread. My ex wouldn't even care.

He usually answers as soon as he sees the message. Or if he doesn't (if he replies the next day or later that day) he apologises.

OP posts:
Justaboy · 07/12/2019 18:30

MinervaSaidThat

Yes quite lucid but if you look at the post timings you'll see they pretty much crossed over!.

Sodamncaughtinthemiddle · 07/12/2019 18:33

He probably feels just as awkward as you
Meet him and chat

Onesnowballshort · 07/12/2019 18:45

He had more foreknowledge of what was coming though. He flirted, asked her home with him, which she would not have responded to in the same way with a straight man. He's really messing with her head.

Original poster
uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 18:46

I think I'll go to the works do for a bit and then meet him but not sure.

OP posts:
GameSetMatch · 07/12/2019 18:46

Go on your works night out with him if you want to keep the friendship, it will be too awkward if you don’t meet up again straight away, it’s like a plaster coming off do it quick or it hurts more. If your not bothered about the friendship go on your night out alone and forget him and have a great time.

Original poster
uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 19:04

I dont know if I'm going to go with him to the works night out or if I'm going to meet him after.

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 07/12/2019 19:14

Um, sorry if this is a bit personal, but I was just curious to know, did he “finish”? Blush

I’m struggling to understand how someone who claims to be a gay man is turned on enough by a woman to get a hard on in the first place, never mind climax. (Am going to assume anal wasn’t involved, but who knows....)

diddl · 07/12/2019 19:22

Why not just leave him for one night??

Go to the party, see him some other time.

Original poster
uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 19:26

Yes he did finish. He told me he was hard and said this is going to be a weird question but can we have sex.

OP posts:
Ferretyone · 07/12/2019 19:30

@ReanimatedSGB

Oh thank you - thank you!

Flowers
LilQueenie · 07/12/2019 19:32

HES NOT GAY! You dont 'turn' gay and he was with a women before so its obvious he is Bi. He possibly just favoured one sex over the other.

MrsAJ27 · 07/12/2019 19:41

You are both making this more awkward that it needs to be. Just go with your original plans

hallohallohallo · 07/12/2019 19:42

uahlyaday7 Sat 07-Dec-19 19:26:42 Yes he did finish. He told me he was hard and said this is going to be a weird question but can we have sex.

And then you said 'Ok' and dtd and then he said 'Now you may go' and then you were filled with regret?

Was contraception used?

Original poster
uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 19:44

He's always said being with his ex doesn't count as he was 16/17 and was trying to convince himself he wasn't gay (he thought his dad wouldn't accept him as his dad always tried to make him be violent etc).

OP posts:
Original poster
uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 19:48

For some reason I said yes and after he asked if I enjoyed it and then said 'can you go it's late'.

No we didn't use contraception because he didn't have a condom. But this morning I took the MAP.

OP posts:
hallohallohallo · 07/12/2019 19:57

If you feel up to it OP then have a chat with him tonight and talk it all over. Otherwise stay in tonight and have a think about how you feel and what you want and maybe try to chat with him tomorrow.

namina · 07/12/2019 20:04

Sounds very bizarre! You need to meet him and talk things through

TeachesOfPeaches · 07/12/2019 20:04

Oh Jesus OP. No contraception? You need to get yourself down to the clinic for a STD test.

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