To regret doing this? What should I do?

[uahlyaday7]

I've namechanged as I don't want to be outed.

Last night I went out for a drink with my friend. He's gay but he has a daughter from when he was denying that he was gay.

He had a pint and then he started flirting with me. Saying I was sexy etc.

He asked me if I would want to go to his place to watch a film because he didn't want to get drunk. I said yes and he carried on flirting with me. I don't know why but I kissed him and then we ended up sleeping together

I really regret this. And don't know what to do.

I'm going to see him later as im going to my works Christmas party and he said he would come with me if I wanted to go because I didn't want to go alone (im the only single person at work and they are going to bring their partners).

[IdiotInDisguise]

STD test pronto!

[IdiotInDisguise]

How can he not have condoms?!?!?

(Sorry this is sounding more straight to me the more that you say!)

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I agree gum clinic.

[uahlyaday7]

I am going to get an Std test on Monday. He said he doesn't use them because he doesn't have sex with people because he hasn't been in a relationship for about 6 months.

[lyralalala]

OP do you know where you are in your cycle? MAP is only effective at certain times

The coil can be used as emergency contraception up to 5 days after sex

[uahlyaday7]

No im not sure where I am in my cycle. I'm not going to my works do im going to meet him so we can talk

[bobstersmum]

You both sound very young!

[uahlyaday7]

We are in our 20s

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Yes he did finish. He told me he was hard and said this is going to be a weird question but can we have sex

He does realise that him being hard doesn't mean he HAS to have sex, doesn't he? Bloody hell, he sounds like he's about fourteen and believes the myth of 'blue balls'.

He also doesn't seem very clued up about his own sexuality.

[DinoSn0re]

You sound really young OP. And he doesn’t sound like he’s gay!

[Jinxed2]

This is bizarre

[Aaarrgghhh]

Definitely get tested but that’s a given and you are planning to do that. Keep an eye out for your period or start testing in a few weeks just in case.

But on the awkwardness, the longer you leave it the more difficult it will be to talk about. It seems like you both like each other and the sex happened and now you both feel odd about it. No point speculating on him or being a predator until you have spoken and know more about how you both feel. Hope the talk goes well but don’t beat yourself up.

For what it’s worth I’ve had sex with a gay man, also had a kid to someone years before when he was trying to hide that he liked men. We were at mine talking about random crap and then how we would both like a farm and a huge house filled with children (not my dream now, would still love a farm but three children is more than enough compared to the ten I wanted when I was younger lol) anyway, we clearly connected and ended up having sex. We used protection though. It was weird, because he wasn’t meant to be attracted to women it was odd that he has sex with me but it’s one of those things and I seen him in passing a few times but I’ve never seen him since and we weren’t friends anyway like in ops situation. I think that’s whats making it all the more awkward.

He’s definitely not just gay though. He must have a preference for men but if he’s attracted to a woman he can clearly have sex with them.

[YouretheChristmasCarcass]

Take a deep breath and meet him. Sounds to me as if you both want to stay friends and don't want a repetition.

No one needs to apologize or 'explain'. Just a hug and a "Let's put this behind us, you're too good a friend to lose". Then make a pact never to talk about it again.

[RumpoleoftheBaileys]

Oh dear. He sounds awful. Gay/Bi aside, he has done a right number on you.

[Onesnowballshort]

Yeah I'm not sure if "you're too good a friend to lose" is entirely accurate in this case.

[uahlyaday7]

I met up with him and he said that he isn't bisexual but for some reason he thinks I'm sexy etc but he doesn't feel like it with any other female. But he doesn't know if he wants a relationship with me.

He's also invited me to his daughters birthday teaparty with just him and her tomorrow because she's been asking him for me to come but he did say if I don't have plans and want to.

[MinervaSaidThat]

Add message | Report | Message poster PicsInRed Sat 07-Dec-19 12:31:52
He's bisexual.

He likely took advantage of your drunken state.
He then booted you out "as it was late so protective. hmm

He's probably done the whole "I'm gay so I'm safe to drink with late at my house" routine on loads of women.

He's no friend. He's a predatory cunt.

-------

I agree.

[MinervaSaidThat]

@Justaboy

Yes quite lucid but if you look at the post timings you'll see they pretty much crossed over!.

Nope, she said in her thread title she regrets it.

[Huntlybyelection]

FWIW one of my dearest friends is gay. And he surprised a lot of us, and himself most of all, by having a relationship with a woman. He said once it was over that he had never imagined marrying a woman but they just had a connection. But by the end of it he did feel he was denying who he was. It didn't make him bisexual.

OP In your shoes I would have a think about what you want. Not necessarily a relationship but do you still think your friendship is Good? He asked you for sex and then pushed you out the house and has prevented you from going to your work night out. Make decisions based on what you want, not him.

And maybe don't have sex with him again unless you have contraception and an understanding about what is going on.

[uahlyaday7]

He usually is a good friend. He asked me if I'd ever have sex with him again and I said I don't know and he said he would if I wanted to.

He said he didn't even think his ex was sexy etc but he used to lie to her. And he said I'm the only female he's ever got hard for without him trying.

[lisag1969]

I think he is bisexual but is confused and not admitted it to himself yet.

[uahlyaday7]

I think he is confused but not sure as he said he only feels this way about me and he's only felt like this with men before.

[oabiti]

Him being 'gay' is a red herring. He's not confused. He's not gay. He's not v nice...

[lynzpynz]

The problem with continuing down this roads is:

He gets to have casual sex with you, you have some feelings for him and this leaves him able to use you and then crush you emotionally because he's 'gay' when he decides to either sleep with someone else or move on.

If you had zero feelings for him and were happy to just be FBs then fair enough you're both adults. Unfortunately this does not seem to be the case here and the one getting hurt will be you. If he won't even admit he's bisexual and not gay then this will 100% go nowhere except eventually ruining your friendship.

I vote go back to being friends and do not end up in any other alone situations with him and certainly not near alcohol!

[YouretheChristmasCarcass]

I met up with him and he said that he isn't bisexual but for some reason he thinks I'm sexy etc but he doesn't feel like it with any other female. But he doesn't know if he wants a relationship with me.

OK, that last bit gives me pause. At best it's innocently giving you a false hope, at worst it's horribly manipulative.

If he's gay, he shouldn't want a relationship with you because it wouldn't be being true to himself. And if he's not gay then he's playing with your feelings.

At this point I think you may want to step back and tell him to figure his shit out and then get back in touch. Then go live your life You do NOT want to be waiting around for him to 'make up his mind'.