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Dh working boxing day

61 replies

Mumma12345 · 06/12/2019 20:15

Nc just incase
A bit of a back story
Dh has the option to work boxing day at the rate of £15 an hour, he's normally on £11 so it's not much more then usual, plus time he pays for taxis (we don't drive and it's not walking distance and no buses that day) which are fare and half, he wouldn't be much better off
The shift is 11 till 4/5 depending on how busy they are (he works in a cafe), he is the only cook who has agreed to work (other 2 want the day off) So if he doesn't work they won't open which means the other members of staff who are getting £15 an hour won't get it (they are normally on £9 odd an hour).
He agreed to work it with out even asking me if I thought it would be OK, I have the week off work so we don't have to worry about childcare and for the 1st time in years I actually thought we could have a nice chilled Xmas day and visit family on boxing day as Thursday is his normal day off so I assumed he would be off. He only informed me yesterday that he is working now
He is saying I am being unreasonable with him in asking him not to work it as we need the extra money but can't see that time he forks out for taxis (unless he could get a lift somehow) payed tax on the extra pay we wouldn't be any better off plus it would mean the other members of staff not getting the extra shift and money. He's literally just sent me a really snotty text saying I'm making him the bad guy at work
Aibu in wanting him to have the day off

OP posts:

EskewedBeef · 06/12/2019 20:20

He obviously didn't think about the logistics of it, or do the maths.

What's likely to happen if he says he can't actually get there because there's no public transport? Would his employer contribute to the cost of the taxis?


Sn0tnose · 06/12/2019 20:22

It was a shit thing for him to agree to without discussing it with you first and I’d be furious in your position, but will you really want him at home with you now? Knowing that you’ve essentially forced him to be there?


Sirzy · 06/12/2019 20:24

I would ask about work paying for taxis for him if they want to open they may.

But ultimately sometimes people need to work not ideal but that’s life!


OddshoesOddsocks · 06/12/2019 20:25

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable, it’s only Boxing Day and I bet the several other people would be really grateful of the extra money.
I’m working Xmas eve and Boxing Day, it’s just part of working in hospitality isn’t it?


Jasonh · 06/12/2019 20:27

Hi, rough on calculations it sounds like after tax and taxis he’d be taking home about 65/70 quid. Not much compensation for missing part of Christmas with family.
But from a mans point of view - if you need the money he thinks you o appreciate his sacrifice.
I’d say he is doing something but not fully considering the loss/compensation. But Don’t be harsh on him tho he is doing it for the right reasons.
Hopefully he can get out of it


Weescot · 06/12/2019 20:27

In hospitality, I’d expect him to work Boxing Day as standard


Mumma12345 · 06/12/2019 20:32

They won't pay for taxis as every bank Holiday we have the same transport issue and I normally just suck up the extra cost as its his normal work day but he has every Thursday off, has for years and years

Boxing day and new years are opt in, if they get enough staff they open of they don't they stay shut.
Normally he asks me what I think and we decide together depending on what childcare we can get if I'm already working but he's assumed as I'm off it didn't matter, think that's pissed me off more then anything

OP posts:

Pippa12 · 06/12/2019 20:36

My DH is in hospitality management, we celebrated Christmas as a couple on Wednesday as I doubt I’ll see him much now till the new year.


CoffeeRunner · 06/12/2019 20:37

Be happy he’s got Christmas Day off! Plenty of chefs won’t.

Working Boxing Day seems completely reasonable. And of course his employer won’t cover his travel expenses! He applied for & took the job knowing that some sort of Bank Holiday working was involved. It’s not their fault he doesn’t drive!


bridgetreilly · 06/12/2019 20:38

YABU, I think. You can still have a nice relaxed day at home while he goes off to work.

I do think that he should have negotiated a better rate, though. At least time and a half. Everyone else is getting time and 2/3.


Nicole12325 · 06/12/2019 20:42

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/12/2019 20:51

@Mumma12345 - I hear what you are saying about them not paying for taxis on Bank Holidays - but this time, your dh has some leverage - if he doesn’t work, they can’t open - so he needs to say he won’t work unless they pay for taxis.

I do also understand why you are cross that he didn’t discuss it with you before agreeing - it used to piss me off when dh made decisions that impacted the whole family without any consultation. He still does it although it has got better over the years - and the impact is less now the dses are grown up and don’t live here any more.

I think you have every right to tell him that decisions that have an impact on the family need to be discussed, in the future, and hopefully this will improve.


LoveNote · 06/12/2019 20:52

It’s just Boxing Day. Can’t see what the fuss is about

Can’t you see family alone? They will understand


3luckystars · 06/12/2019 20:53

He is choosing to work instead of spending the time with his family.

A lot of people dont have a choice but he did and he chose work. Tell him you feel hurt and move on. That's my advice.


BoomBoomsCousin · 06/12/2019 20:59


If you have this discussion most years and the answer is always predicated on whether you have childcare options or not I think you're being a bit harsh to suddenly be more concerned about having family time. I can see why it's disappointing but I can also see why your DH would think he was just following your family priorities and be a bit put out that you're now having a go at him for that.


ilovesooty · 06/12/2019 21:01

Whose family did you plan to visit on Boxing day? His or yours?


MistyCloud · 06/12/2019 21:02


It seems to me (although I am a bit of a negative person sometimes,) that he is doing it to avoid spending time with other family on Boxing Day. Happy to be with you and your DC but probably doesn't want to do he extended family bolleaux on Boxing Day.

It is hospitality though, so it's not that surprising...... Although if he CHOSE it, that does further confirm (to me) that he wanted to do it, and wanted to avoid extended family on Boxing Day.

YANBU to be pissed off though. Most people (in your situation) would be I reckon.


Gemma2019 · 06/12/2019 21:03

Can he ask one of the other staff members to give him a lift to and from work that day?


Biancadelrioisback · 06/12/2019 21:03

But what if he wants to work? Surely that counts?


MistyCloud · 06/12/2019 21:03

but probably doesn't want to do THE extended family bolleaux on Boxing Day. (Not HE extended family bolleaux!)


CentralPerkMug · 06/12/2019 21:08

Given that he normally works boxing day, he probably didn't see the problem? Are you sure there's no buses? Public transport is crap in my area but there's still some running on boxing day.


Inferiorbeing · 06/12/2019 21:11

I get the frustration but it is extra money and it could be worse. My DP is working nights all over christmas so I dont actually see him until the 28th. I would be annoyed he didnt mention it first before accepting it!


Chilledout11 · 06/12/2019 21:12

He obviously wants to spend time at work rather than home but he's making money too so I would just go with it. Put movies on and relax.


ForalltheSaints · 06/12/2019 21:13

I think you should have at least been consulted a lot earlier. Not good planning on any business to have not made all such arrangements a few weeks ago.

I'd personally like to see all large shops closed on Boxing Day, at least for one year, to give those who have probably been working harder than usual in the last couple of weeks before Christmas a longer break. Probably then the cafe would not open.


Disfordarkchocolate · 06/12/2019 21:14

Could the other staff give him a lift?

I generally think it's best to volunteer for these things every now and then so they don't end up being made to work at some point.

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