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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh working boxing day

61 replies

Mumma12345 · 06/12/2019 20:15

Nc just incase
A bit of a back story
Dh has the option to work boxing day at the rate of £15 an hour, he's normally on £11 so it's not much more then usual, plus time he pays for taxis (we don't drive and it's not walking distance and no buses that day) which are fare and half, he wouldn't be much better off
The shift is 11 till 4/5 depending on how busy they are (he works in a cafe), he is the only cook who has agreed to work (other 2 want the day off) So if he doesn't work they won't open which means the other members of staff who are getting £15 an hour won't get it (they are normally on £9 odd an hour).
He agreed to work it with out even asking me if I thought it would be OK, I have the week off work so we don't have to worry about childcare and for the 1st time in years I actually thought we could have a nice chilled Xmas day and visit family on boxing day as Thursday is his normal day off so I assumed he would be off. He only informed me yesterday that he is working now
He is saying I am being unreasonable with him in asking him not to work it as we need the extra money but can't see that time he forks out for taxis (unless he could get a lift somehow) payed tax on the extra pay we wouldn't be any better off plus it would mean the other members of staff not getting the extra shift and money. He's literally just sent me a really snotty text saying I'm making him the bad guy at work
Aibu in wanting him to have the day off

OP posts:
Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 06/12/2019 21:17

have you discussed visiting family Boxing Day and have you already accepted an invitation? Or is it you just thought it would be a nice thing to do?
You say you need the extra money so I don’t think he is being unreasonable to say he would work if you haven’t already accepted an invitation for Boxing Day.

Kungfupanda67 · 06/12/2019 21:19

If I were him I’d ask for taxi to be paid for. I’ve worked in hospitality and you’re lucky he has Christmas Day off. In his position I’d have offered to work and assumed you’d be alright about it. How are you going to see family if you don’t drive and there’s no public transport? If he finishes at 4 he could join you by 5, it’s not like the whole day is a write off

KitKat1985 · 06/12/2019 21:30

I get why you are a bit miffed, but presumably if he's working 11-5 you can all still have a lie-in and chilled morning, and he will be in home in time to join in with seeing family for dinner etc. He's only really gone a few hours.

DieSchottin93 · 06/12/2019 21:32

I agree with @Disfordarkchocolate it's always good to volunteer for these things every now and then - next year he can maybe get it off because he's worked it this year? I also work in hospitality and I volunteered to work Christmas so I'm doing late Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day with similar hours to what your DP is doing on Boxing Day. 11-4 isn't really that long. Can family come to you on Boxing Day instead?

Swimtobreathe · 06/12/2019 21:32

I doubt it'll be as simple as 'choosing to work'. There's usually unwritten expectation/pressure from management about people working; he may have known that colleagues have specific reasons for not being in and wanted to help them out, he may have been aware that some colleagues are really relying on the money, he may be banking a favour for the next time he needs a bit of emergency leave, or thinking he'll work it this year so it's someone else's turn next year.

I'm 'choosing' to work Xmas Eve and NYE, but trust me it doesn't feel like much of a choice! I know I've got colleagues with young kids or family who the have to travel to, I had more time off last year and ive got minimal hosting this year so I'm 'choosing'' to work so someone else can get a break and I save a bit of annual leave for when I need it. Someone's got to work and that's what you expect in certain industries.

ShamefulBlanket · 06/12/2019 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VenusTiger · 06/12/2019 21:45

You say DH has the “option to work Boxing Day” but then later on you say “he is the only cook who has agreed to work (other 2 want the day off)”

I’m presuming therefore that the other cooks want the day off so he kind of had no choice?
Were you expecting him to say no to his manager? Who has priority over days off or is it first come first served?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 06/12/2019 21:54

Does everyone share tips ?

He will (hopefully) get some extra there .

Can he share a taxi with anyone ?

My DS has just started working in food retail, he'll be working the 24+26 , he says they get more £ (and he gets the chance to escape a Family Christmas Xmas Wink )

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 06/12/2019 21:54

To be completely honest, it sounds like the sort of thing I would and have done😳

I am a nurse so slightly different but I've always just told DH what I am working. This year is my year to have Christmas off but we've someone off so I may have to work Boxing Day which I dropped on DH at quite short notice. He accepts it because he knows the job and the stress I am under.

I can see it could be a bit crap though. I guess your DH felt some obligation to his colleagues who could earn extra money.

Bunnyfuller · 06/12/2019 21:58

Meh. We’re both in the police, extra money is extra money.

Boxing Day is soooooo boring!

Melroses · 06/12/2019 22:00

you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/give-next-plc-staff-boxing-day-off

I found this on Facebook. Next just pay minimum wage for a sale that starts at silly o'clock with no public transport around on Boxing day morning.

funnylittlefloozie · 06/12/2019 22:06

My DP is a prison officer. He is working Christmas Day, but managed to get Boxing Day off. I think your DH should at least ask if they would pay for his taxi.

Pateontheback · 06/12/2019 22:08

Can he try to negotiate a higher rate ? It seems the people on time and 2/3 and he’s only on approx time and 1/3

Pateontheback · 06/12/2019 22:13

The people on 9 ph on time 2/3 and your dh on time 1/3 that was meant to say

SheOfManyNames · 06/12/2019 22:29

Given that he normally works boxing day, he probably didn't see the problem? Are you sure there's no buses? Public transport is crap in my area but there's still some running on boxing day.
None in my area, and its Sunday service on the 27th and 28th too which I think is really cheeky.

dontcallmeduck · 06/12/2019 22:39

YABU. I don’t consult DH about my working pattern over Christmas, I look at what needs covering at work and what I want off and compromise thinking of the family and work. You can’t make him cancel and let down his colleagues and company. Boxing days always a bit of a downer anyway after a certain time.

Ginfordinner · 06/12/2019 22:44

Just how busy will this cafe be on Boxing Day? Is it in a shopping centre? If it isn't is it even worth opening?

BlouseAndSkirt · 06/12/2019 23:32

None of the other staff that he could get a lift with it share a taxi with?

grisen · 07/12/2019 00:48

Just because it’s a opt in doesn’t mean it’s an opt in, he might be pressured into working by management and the other staff who want/need the hours.

snowybaubles · 07/12/2019 00:59

He hasn't done anything you haven't tbh

He has agreed to work without talking to you

You thought you would visit family without talking to him.

Communication is lacking between you. So that's something to work on in future.

I am a bit baffled by your logic that he won't be any better off by the time he pays for taxi's because he absolutely will be. Even if he only earns his usual hourly rate after taxis are paid, he is getting paid. If he took the day off surely he would have no pay?

Butterymuffin · 07/12/2019 01:07

If other staff want to work Boxing Day for the money, can't one of them pick him up if they drive, or share a taxi if they don't? Then everyone saves. Plus they can't work without him.

maddening · 07/12/2019 02:47

The owner of the cafe could give him lifts If they are not prepared to pay a sufficiently enhanced wage for bank holiday work Imo especially as there is no public transport.

MzPumpkinPie · 07/12/2019 03:02

My H is a police officer.
I've only spent one full Christmas Day and Boxing Day with him in 14 years.
They draw straws on his block !
This year he's off and cooking because I have been very unwell and he's cooking.
At least your H is home on Christmas Day

hawaiianturtle · 07/12/2019 03:08

Lots of people have to work all the way through Christmas unfortunately. I'm working 8 hours on Xmas eve. A lot of my friends are working Xmas day too. I have 3 kids so it sucks but that's retail for you.

Butterflycookie · 07/12/2019 03:15

You should’ve discussed with him that you wanted to visit family on Boxing Day. Also as everyone else is saying, at least he gets Xmas off. I am working on Boxing Day this year as I did last year. I’ve also worked Xmas eve and Xmas day.