Utterly furious with friend - child sickness bug

[Dontpaintitgrey]

I posted on here previously about this bad got a mixed response but we have had another incidence. I need to know what to do!

Good Mum friend and my DC go to same childminder. Back in Oct I went to do drop off and C minder tells me ‘oh no friend’s DC this morn, they have a sickness bug, I had to say I’m flexible on coughs and colds not sickness’ well of course. Messages friend to say hope DC feeling better soon and she gave me a run down of bug and told me she was still retching up but nothings in tummy so this was just bile, loose nappies but didn’t know if that was teething (to be fair my DC has lots of loose nappies generally too due to teething).

Didn’t expect to see her that week but lo and behold she was there at drop off the following day. I must have looked suprised so friend said to me of no C minder said I could bring her as she hadn’t been sick since the early early hours of the previous night. Ermmm well that’s not what you told me she was still being sick at 9:30am apparently. So barely 24hrs and she was back in.

Lo and behold my DC was sick the following day with a temp and lo and behold I came down the following day, pretty convinced it was Noro V as I had the shivers and ached all over like with flu. DC recovered pretty quickly but I was vomiting and bum ill for well over 48 hrs, and knocked for 6 for 7 days. I’ve only just started a new job as well.

We decided to say something to the C minder, chickened our abs did it via txt, but in a roundabout way told her that Friend poss stretched the truth and would it be better to stick to the 48hr rule as we’d been so ill and it was more difficult for us to take time off - I’ve just started a new job and DH is self employed. I know where not allowed to make assumptions about other people’s circumstances on here. But friend’s DP is a salaried employee at the family firm - he can well take a few days of to look after his sick child!!!!!!! Anyway C minder said she would ‘keep all this in mind’ we couldn’t decided whether that was a brush off or not.

Anyway fast forward to this week I met friend for a wander round the Xmas markets last night and she tells me what a rough wk they’ve had as DC was being sick again on Sun night and early Mon morning, had a bit of a raised temp but they called doctors triage and they said it was teething but then our c minder had called her on Weds morning to ask of this was a normal nappy for her (c minder obviously didn’t think it was normal) as it looked like tail end of a tummy bug!!!!!! Yeah no shit! Excuse the pun!

Lo and behold my DC has been sick in the night and again this morning. Raised temp. And before anyone says he could have picked it up anywhere he’s not been anywhere but home, the car and the childminders since last Sat so given the incubation period is 48 hrs I think we know where he got it from!!!!

I am so, so pissed off! I mean does my friend really not see it’s a bug (supposed being told that by triage didn’t help) but why would you rung triage about a tummy bug and slightly raised temp and otherwise ok child. Is she really that daft!! She was in complete denial it was a bug last time - stood talking to me saying ‘oh just one of those things, I don’t think it’s a bug’.

What do I say to the childminder to get her be tougher on this?

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland there’s only one other baby there and they’re in Tenerife at the mo. Nah sorry sickness bugs don’t tend to have an incubation period of nearly a week. He’s been nowhere else that’s the only place he could have got, it’s such a massive coincidence. Friends DC goes to nursery on a Fri for some reason so that’s clearly where she picked it up from in time for being sick on Sunday night.

I can see your point of view but unless you have an immuno-compromised child it’s fine and inevitable for the to get these bugs quite quickly and deal with them. There’s no way of stopping it. This is how a child’s natural immunity builds up. I want my ds to get Chicken pox before he’s at school so will be exposing him to any that comes his way! It’s normal.

If your friend is lying (or withholding the truth) from your childminder then the issue is your friend. A CM cannot know a child has been sick unless they are told.

It really angers me when parents don’t follow the 48 hour rule. It’s really selfish.

First time - yes she was being totally unreasonable. But the second time she was told by the doctors it was teething so she was not being at all unreasonable for believing medical professionals.

You are also being unreasonable because you cannot get the childminder to be tougher. You can move childminders over it, but I suspect most will have at least one parent that lies and ignores the rules.

This is really annoying. Your friend needs to be keeping her child home and your childminder needs to be making sure she follows her own policies. Unfortunately it is something that happens in many settings.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland and they’re being seriously condemned for it, it’s not because the rule is irrelevant it’s because schools are so protective over their attendance levels - that’s a whole other thread though.

Child minder needs to be stricter.

Your friend is one of these moronic parents who will keep on insisting sending their sick child at school, because they don't give a shit about others and are "too busy" to look after their own child when they are unwell.

So YANBU to be pissed off, but sadly, you have YEARS of that coming to you. These people just don't care, and don't realise that the more germs go round, the more time off THEY will have to take off anyway when the kids keep be sent back to school.

Birthday parties are a good one too, children could not possibly miss them, however contagious they are.

Surely the thing is with small children that of you are not sure whether it is a bug then you should observe the 48 hour rule "just in case" so that you do not infect anyone else. If it turns out to have been teething then no harm done but if it is a big and everyone else gets it just isn't fair!

She’s a lovely woman and I don’t want to spoil the friendship so don’t want to go all guns blazing!

You want to avoid a difficult conversation with your friend so you want the childminder to challenge her instead. If your "lovely" friend is misleading the CM about the extent of her child's illness then it's not the CM's fault is it?

@RebornFlame I know and DC was fine in 36 hours less really it was me and DH who weren’t!! DH is self emp - doesn’t work doesn’t get paid and I’m still in my trial period so it’s a hell of a lot more than just inconvenient for us at the mo.

I completely understand. I’m self employed too. That’s rough for you.

Not entirely @MinisterforCheekyFuckery but the first time she was prepared to let her DC come back, well, well under the 48 hours.

Exactly @meercat23

I can remember (excm) a dc being brought to me who vomited just after parents left (who had just told me they could be contacted that day -before mobile phones were common) when they collected the dc they then told me that he had been sick in the night. Next day, both I & my young ds were violently ill & I couldn't look after other minded dc ... believe me its more than possible she lied to the cm & you need to tell your friend that she shouldn't bring her dc to the minders & than have a talk to your cm to find out exactly what she was told & to ask her for her sickness policy. But I will say this - the novovirus is doing the rounds - however I would ask your cm if she can do a deep clean of her food prep & serving area, high chairs etc & toilets because of this dc & she needs to do bleach! ( I was like Lady Macbeth when I was cm - the cleaning bit I mean! To paraphrase will not all the oils of Arabia wash the - muck- from my fair hands)

Yanbu at all. Selfish and inconsiderate. Whilst I know people have to work, of you have a child you sign up to the fact they will be ill and you need to keep them home and care for them. Sadly it goes on all the time and this is why it spreads.

The issues it causes People with it taking you down for several days is a nightmare. If I get it for example who would take care of my toddler. If my DD gets it then I get it, who will take her to school. People only seem to care while it affects them. I have alot of anxiety around this time of the year. I'm not sure how DD has made it this far without it but I hope we dodge it x

If your friend lied to your childminder, why do you believe her when she claims the childminder allowed her back early?

And why are you blaming the childminder? It’s infuriating when parents slip sick kids in - we get ill, too, and I once had my baby DD hospitalised thanks to a selfish parent like this.

Your friend is not lovely - she slips her sick child in to childcare and lies about it. You know she does this: if it impacts you, then you should be telling her.

It is selfish but she probably has no choice.
Is the CM washing the place properly with anti bac? Does she regularly wash the babies hands and toys.
My DC picked up everything the first 6 months in a childcare setting.

she was prepared to let her DC come back, well, well under the 48 hours.

From your last thread I remember there was doubt over whether your friend had told the childminder the truth about when her DC was last sick, I think there was a high probability the childminder thought it had been 48hrs.

The childminder cannot enact her policies if she doesn't have the full facts. Your friend is a liar, she is the one you need to be cross with.

I'm so gonna start using "bum ill"

Yanbu. Your friend is taking the piss ino

This is always a contentious issue TBH! Many people seem to take a selfish attitude and feel they can"get away with it", which is not fair on the other children and their families .When I worked in a Nursery, it was clearly stated that children must be kept off for 48 hours ,and no exceptions !However sometimes children would be brought in and be sick or we would be unable to reach the parents.Sadly tummy bugs are a fact of life with young children and are difficult to avoid completely Im afraid!

Lo and behold this is fuckeries they are both in the wrong tbh.

Many people seem to take a selfish attitude and feel they can"get away with it", which is not fair on the other children and their families

It’s also a false economy, because when everyone else is taking in sick kids, you’re far more likely to take your kids in when sick, and everyone gets more sick. The 48 hour exclusion period reduces the amount of sickness absence for everyone, including those who send their kids back too soon! I think this is the cycle our nursery have gotten into.

@Emeraldshamrock she blinking well does that’s why I have 0 sympathy. Her DP works for family business and just goes in as when he chooses. Can damn we’ll take the day off to look after his child!

You need to say something to your friend, not rely on childminder, who may not be getting all of the facts. Can’t you message friend and tell her your child is now ill, and you think it’s the second time they’ve caught it from her dc. Just say she really needs to stick to the 48 hour rule.

Lots of people do - because they are selfish twats and they don’t feel they can take time off work

It's not selfish to want to keep your job. People should direct their anger at inflexible employers (and don't vote Tory next Thursday for more attacks on employment rights).

Your kid is going to catch stuff, you have to accept that and stop looking for someone to blame This.