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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend can't meet up before Xmas because she has a 3 month old baby ...aibu ?

82 replies

happydappyzoo · 05/12/2019 15:28

My friend has a baby who is 3 months and a 4 year old.
We normally go for a meal and do the exchange of gifts but the baby is still very young and she's breastfeeding.
She hasn't left the house in two weeks now.
So I had a idea of suggesting to take the "party" to her.
One tea time /early evening heading over here with some party food (m&s have lots of nice bits in) a couple of nice desserts.
Do you think that's a good idea?
She was a bit upset yesterday that she has no adult company and is lonely.
Obviously I would cook the things and wash up etc

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 05/12/2019 16:03

And only go round if you are also going to do some housework and help with the dc's.

I would hate someone else doing my housework. Asking is fine, as is talking some easy meals for the freezer.

Drum2018 · 05/12/2019 16:04

Ask her first. She may not want to have to tidy or clean for visitors. Could you not do it at your house instead and tell her to bring the kids?

northerngirl2012 · 05/12/2019 16:11

I think that's a really good idea.

Napmum · 05/12/2019 16:12

It's a great suggestion although depending on where she lives maybe an afternoon tea at a very local café might also be an option. It depends on why she's not leaving the house and if she'll be stressed by wanting to clean for visitors.

However she definitely needs company if she hasn't left the house for two weeks. You mention she's breastfeeding I personally was out all the time going to local cafés and for walks but I appreciate that she might not want to breastfeed in public or outside when it's not nice weather. It sounds like encouraging her to attend a local mum's and baby group might be a good idea. But take this with a pinch of salt as you'll know more about the situation and why she's staying in.

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/12/2019 16:13

That sounds lovely. You are a very nice friend.

Whattodoabout · 05/12/2019 16:16

Is her four year old not in school? It doesn’t sound healthy to not leave the house for two weeks, especially for the four year old.

Original poster
happydappyzoo · 05/12/2019 16:18

Sorry didn't explain properly ..
She has taken her eldest to school but hasn't been into town or the shops or anything Like that.
Her partner has done all of that.
Her baby has colic and has had a cold then the 4 year old caught the winter vomiting bug so she's been lonely.
Yes il suggest lunch time as that would be better for me too as well as her.
Good idea about the cold party food too or I could cook it first then take everything over ready.

OP posts:
Considermesometimes · 05/12/2019 16:21

I didn't leave the house either, I found breastfeeding in public mortifying. It is a lovely idea going to her instead, I would suggest it and see what she says. Make it very short and sweet, hour tops, she will be exhausted.

Drum2018 · 05/12/2019 16:32

If it's lunchtime then get a couple of sandwiches made up. I'd hate anyone coming into my kitchen expecting to cook something. I'd love a nice bulky sandwich though, with a couple of bags of crisps.

20viona · 05/12/2019 16:35

That's a lovely idea. Iv got a 4 Month old and I'd welcome that.

Also I'd be worried she hasn't left the house in 2 weeks.

bonbonours · 05/12/2019 16:47

Great idea just make it very clear you want to help her and spoil her a bit not expecting to be waited on. And as others have said, ask what time is good for her and tell her you don't care if the house is a mess and the baby feeds constantly. Otherwise she may feel the need to clean /be the hostess which will stress her out.

speakout · 05/12/2019 16:50

It''s a lovely idea, but I would have hated it.

My babies were very fussy in the evening,cluster feeding I was glued to the sofa from 6pm onwards.

gingergittable · 05/12/2019 16:54

Lovely idea. That time of day would have been awful for me though. Why nosecco? Confused

EpcotForever · 05/12/2019 17:09

You sound like a lovely friend Star

Whoops75 · 05/12/2019 17:12

That a very sweet , even if all ye manage is a cuppa and mince pie.

Seaweed42 · 05/12/2019 17:29

I doubt she has bought you a present this year so you may have to expect a box of chocs that her husband bought for you.
It's a nice idea to throw her a small lunch, but expect that she will put the baby first before you... simply because she has to. So keep an open mind on how the event will be and do not take it personally if she appears to not have much time for you this year.
Next year may well be different as her baby will be older and she will have more time for seeing people.

Bluerussian · 05/12/2019 17:32

Do suggest it to her. I think it's a good idea especially if it is only you her and the children.

Straycatstrut · 05/12/2019 17:40

Very lovely of you, very thoughtful friend - wish I had one!

Definitely ask first though.

RollOnNextYear · 05/12/2019 17:41

Yeah definitely. Plenty of cake too.
I prefer evenings like this with young dc.

SickNotes · 05/12/2019 17:46

She has taken her eldest to school but hasn't been into town or the shops or anything Like that.

Well, for some of us, that's a delegatable chore rather than something done out of enjoyment, so if she and/or the baby have been ill and someone else is picking up groceries, I wouldn't interpret her not going to the shops as a sign of stress or trouble...? When DS was three months I was living in a tiny village where the nearest shop was a lengthy drive. I got groceries delivered and I don't think I set foot in a shop again until he needed his first shoes!

I think yours is a lovely suggestion, if you are flexible about what time of day you do it.

Clymene · 05/12/2019 17:53

I had some friends come round to my house with M&S picnic food, lay it all out, we chatted and ate and held the baby. Afterwards, they tidied everything away and left easy to pick up leftovers in my fridge.

It was bloody brilliantly.

Freshprincess · 05/12/2019 18:01

It’s a nice idea but definitely check the timings, it’s called the witching hour for a reason. And you need to stress that you’re bringing everything with you and she doesn’t need to do anything except provide a kettle.

Original poster
happydappyzoo · 05/12/2019 18:52

She loves the idea and has said after 3pm is best for her.
She is very excited and says it's just what she needs.
I'm going to take round all her favs.
Trying to find the perfect present for her,no idea this year.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2019 19:00

And only go round if you are also going to do some housework and help with the dc's
Erm, no. I'd be mortified if my friends only came to see me to do all the housework I hadn't done. She wants adult company not a cleaner!!

rumandbiscuits · 05/12/2019 19:01

Yes very good idea Smile

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