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AIBU?

To leave my son with childminder while on Mat leave with number 2

32 replies

Justasconfusedwithnumber2 · 05/12/2019 14:20

Just that really. My son is with childminder 3 days per week atm. I intend to carry this on while on Mat leave. He has just turned two. My reasons are that he's settled into a routine, he will have some freedom away from mum and latched baby, he's due to go to nursery next year and he's made good little friends so I don't want to separate him before a big step in his life, I also get to spend 121 time with the baby.

MIL and my sisters think I should save the money and look after him. Admittedly it is tight having to still pay childcare fees but I think that I have my sons best interests at heart.

It's been made worse that I have been signed off work sick during the last few months of this pregnancy so I am 'at home doing nothing' whilst still dropping him off down the road those three days. I have been to a christmas toddler group with childminder and DS but didn't want to attend groups all the time to throw him off his routine.

Now that it's been pointed out to me, mum guilt has set in. So AIBU?

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 05/12/2019 14:21

It’s fine!

hammeringinmyhead · 05/12/2019 14:23

It's fine, if you can make the money side work. My 13 month old is going to nursery 2 days a week while I work and he loves the change. He's become a lot more confident since he started.

thereplycamefromanchorage · 05/12/2019 14:23

It's totally fine. Don't let anyone guilt trip you into thinking otherwise - they are not you, and you know what's best for you and your ds.

DowntonCrabby · 05/12/2019 14:24

You do want works best for your family and everyone else’s opinion can quite frankly feck off

Justasconfusedwithnumber2 · 05/12/2019 14:25

Aargh I can't stand the mum guilt. I just remember being so God damn tired with DS1 whilst cluster feeding, I cant imagine being much fun for my toddler.

OP posts:
embarassednewname · 05/12/2019 14:27

Honestly, most mums I know did the same, at least in my family. It’s both in his and the baby’s best interest. Ignore the stupid guilt trip that serves no purpose other than to make them feel smug.

ememem84 · 05/12/2019 14:30

Yep do it. I’m on mat leave at present and apart from the odd day ds (2) has been continuing his three day a week nursery routine. Means I can focus on Dd and he’s having a great time. Also meant we’ve still got his place when I go back to work.

Embracelife · 05/12/2019 14:31

Of course
Keep his routine

Marellaspirit · 05/12/2019 14:31

Speaking as a childminder I agree there is absolutely nothing wrong with this so long as you can afford to do it. Many children I have looked after have come to me while mum was in maternity. It keeps their routine steady when things can be changing at home with a new baby on the scene, and also if you intend to use a childminder when you go back to work then it means that you won't lose the space by taking them out and then it not being there when you go back in 9 months.

waggydog21 · 05/12/2019 14:32

I used to work at a childminders and this is very common so please don’t feel guilty! Winners all round; you get a bit of peace and one to one with the new baby and your child gets entertained and kept busy!

mummymummymummummum · 05/12/2019 14:33

My eldest was at childcare 3-4 days a week right through my maternity leave! In fact she remained full time for the first month. The days I had both girls were by far the hardest. Though I loved seeing their relationship develop.

No regrets! YANBU.

Cremebrule · 05/12/2019 14:34

It is very sensible. My 3yo would have been devastated if we had stopped her going. We’ve tried to keep her routine exactly the same. Obviously if you can’t afford it, you can’t sustain it but it made life significantly easier for me.

Redcarandthebluecarhadarace · 05/12/2019 14:36

I've just sent my son for the past year while I'm on mat leave with my daughter.

Practically, I needed to keep the space for him when I return to work and I need a space for my daughter.

Its also good for him to maintain his friendships and relationship with the childminder, as I'm quite sure he would hate going back after spending a year at home with me.

It's also been a godsend for me when the baby has been up all night

icantbecani · 05/12/2019 14:36

If you can afford it it's fine. I cut down on nursery as I wanted to have more money to do fun things and that worked for me but I understand your point of view too.

Wheredidigowrongggggg · 05/12/2019 14:38

We kept our part time nanny! You need to to preserve your childcare for when you go back to work but it’s also good for bonding with number 2, consistency for number 1 (he’ll get his normal high level attention from CM, mine got her 121 with nanny and loads of trips out etc) and for your own sanity. The juggle from 1 to 2 is really hard, esp if your older one is still a baby or toddler. If you can afford it, it’s a total no brainer.

Sleepthiefsmum18 · 05/12/2019 14:38

I did this! 2 days at nursery meant I got time with new baby, toddler got to do fun things, and he really flourished. Plus it kept the space open for when I returned to work. Don't feel guilty

RCC18 · 05/12/2019 14:38

I'm on mat leave and my DD goes to nursery 2 days and is with family for an additional day some weeks. She loves the variety, I really value what she gets out of nursery, and i get some 121 time with the baby. If you can afford it I think its hugely helpful, especially those days when you're exhausted as the older child will still be entertained rather than the guilt of not having the energy to do so. Do what works for you!

WhenYouCantRunYouCrawl · 05/12/2019 14:41

I did the same. It worked brilliantly because it meant that DS kept his routine and had lots of attention from the childminder whilst I dealt with the baby. I would say however to make sure you still get some 1-1 time with your eldest in the early days to reassure them about their place in your family.

Nowthereistwo · 05/12/2019 14:42

I think it's good if you can as he keeps a bit of normality and you get to give baby the 1-on-1 attention that your first born got

LynnMa2 · 05/12/2019 14:43

I did the same and so did most of my friends. It's fine don't stress!

Nousernameforme · 05/12/2019 14:47

Ds keeps his routine at a time when everything else will be a bit wonky. You keep your place at childminders. Ds will have some baby free time. You will have some DS free time with baby everyone wins.
The only thing I would caution would be to make sure ds gets some baby free mummy time as well. but then you have to be careful of that whether he was at a childminders or not

Sweetooth92 · 05/12/2019 14:48

I’m 36 weeks with our second and my almost two year old is staying in nursery when I’m on maternity leave. I am dropping a day so he goes three days not four, but he adores it too much to stop him.
He has his friends, routine and structure and for me he has enough change coming without taking his nursery time off him too

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 05/12/2019 14:50

I kept my 2.5 year old in nursery and I'm glad I did

I had a non sleeping baby who had feeding issues and needed breastfeeding frequently. The only time she slept was 2 hours in the afternoon and I napped with her, I honestly dont know how I'd have coped looking after a toddler as well

Less change in routine and didnt have to resettle her at nursery or pre school when I went back to work.

It was nice to have the one on one time to bond with the new baby. I found when I had both of them, unleas the baby was really screaming to be fed, the older childs needs ended up being priority (as they need the toilet NOW or something and have the ability to whinge or tantrum that a baby doesnt have) so it was nice to be able to put the baby first.

I think the eldest did get a but upset at first knowing I was at home with the baby though

Cremebrule · 05/12/2019 14:50

Also other reasons (aside from the eldest enjoying it) why i found it really useful

  • taking the baby to baby classes
  • getting stuff done with just the baby like food shopping
  • making sure the baby has some days where they can revolve around his or her schedule and sleep rather than the toddlers
  • if someone is ill (likely to happen at some point) it is much easier to have the option of childcare
  • giving you a chance to catchup on sleep or jobs when the baby naps
  • focusing on the toddler on other days without feeling guilty that the baby isn’t getting 1:1 time.

    Also I’m hoping nursing transition will be easier as the baby has been in to the nursery at pick-up and has met the staff over a long period of time (time will tell for this one though...)
Echobelly · 05/12/2019 15:01

Absolutely - DD stayed at nursery 3 days a week while I was on leave with DS. She liked it and was benefitting from it, plus was on the run up to starting primary school so it made sense.

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