To leave my son with childminder while on Mat leave with number 2

[Justasconfusedwithnumber2]

Just that really. My son is with childminder 3 days per week atm. I intend to carry this on while on Mat leave. He has just turned two. My reasons are that he's settled into a routine, he will have some freedom away from mum and latched baby, he's due to go to nursery next year and he's made good little friends so I don't want to separate him before a big step in his life, I also get to spend 121 time with the baby.

MIL and my sisters think I should save the money and look after him. Admittedly it is tight having to still pay childcare fees but I think that I have my sons best interests at heart.

It's been made worse that I have been signed off work sick during the last few months of this pregnancy so I am 'at home doing nothing' whilst still dropping him off down the road those three days. I have been to a christmas toddler group with childminder and DS but didn't want to attend groups all the time to throw him off his routine.

Now that it's been pointed out to me, mum guilt has set in. So AIBU?

[Justasconfusedwithnumber2]

Thanks all its nice to see its a unanimous NBU as I was starting to feel like a crap mum which on top of all the other second time mum to be guilt I could do without!

[userabcname]

Do it! I'm doing it this year. We kept DS1 home for the first couple of weeks and he was miserable as sin. He is back with the cm now and loving it - they do lots of fun stuff I don't have energy for and I get to spend time bonding with DS2. If you can afford it then why not. Also I thought I'd feel guilty but it's actually worked out so well I don't feel bad at all.

[KarmaStar]

Hi,
Firstly,you are not doing nothing,you are unwell so get plenty of rest and stop worrying what other people think or say.
Secondly,if your d's is happy with the child minder,why take him away?if you can cope financially,allow him to remain ,all your points make sense.
Enjoy this time with the anticipation of your new baby and getting everything ready.
If people make any further negative comments say "we as a family are happy and that's all that matters to me" and change the subject.
Good luck with everything🌻🌻🌻

[raspberrymolakoff]

My daughter left number one at nursery which was only 3 half days a week as she wanted the new baby to disrupt his routine as little as possible though she felt guilty at first. It worked so well and meant she could still do the baby things she had enjoyed with number one with number two. I was also relieved as I had a chance to have cuddles with the new baby without upsetting the older sibling. Win win.

[FLOrenze]

You are not at ‘ home doing nothing’. You are doing your best for the new baby by concentrating on your health. You are giving your son a chance to enjoy his friends and keeping him in his routine.

[ActualHornist]

I did. Never regretted the time I had one to one with my youngest son. Never had mum guilt either.

Think of it in those terms rather than money spent or saved.

[Ineedcoffee2345]

My dd2 use to go to creche 3 days a week while I worked. Just had a bby and dropped her down to 1 and half days. She enjoys it to much. The routine is good and toddlers get bored being at home in my opinion

[Echobelly]

Absolutely - DD stayed at nursery 3 days a week while I was on leave with DS. She liked it and was benefitting from it, plus was on the run up to starting primary school so it made sense.

[Cremebrule]

Also other reasons (aside from the eldest enjoying it) why i found it really useful

• taking the baby to baby classes
  
• getting stuff done with just the baby like food shopping
  
• making sure the baby has some days where they can revolve around his or her schedule and sleep rather than the toddlers
  
• if someone is ill (likely to happen at some point) it is much easier to have the option of childcare
  
• giving you a chance to catchup on sleep or jobs when the baby naps
  
• focusing on the toddler on other days without feeling guilty that the baby isn’t getting 1:1 time.
  
  Also I’m hoping nursing transition will be easier as the baby has been in to the nursery at pick-up and has met the staff over a long period of time (time will tell for this one though...)

[OoohTheStatsDontLie]

I kept my 2.5 year old in nursery and I'm glad I did

I had a non sleeping baby who had feeding issues and needed breastfeeding frequently. The only time she slept was 2 hours in the afternoon and I napped with her, I honestly dont know how I'd have coped looking after a toddler as well

Less change in routine and didnt have to resettle her at nursery or pre school when I went back to work.

It was nice to have the one on one time to bond with the new baby. I found when I had both of them, unleas the baby was really screaming to be fed, the older childs needs ended up being priority (as they need the toilet NOW or something and have the ability to whinge or tantrum that a baby doesnt have) so it was nice to be able to put the baby first.

I think the eldest did get a but upset at first knowing I was at home with the baby though

[Sweetooth92]

I’m 36 weeks with our second and my almost two year old is staying in nursery when I’m on maternity leave. I am dropping a day so he goes three days not four, but he adores it too much to stop him.
He has his friends, routine and structure and for me he has enough change coming without taking his nursery time off him too

[Nousernameforme]

Ds keeps his routine at a time when everything else will be a bit wonky. You keep your place at childminders. Ds will have some baby free time. You will have some DS free time with baby everyone wins.
The only thing I would caution would be to make sure ds gets some baby free mummy time as well. but then you have to be careful of that whether he was at a childminders or not

[LynnMa2]

I did the same and so did most of my friends. It's fine don't stress!

[Nowthereistwo]

I think it's good if you can as he keeps a bit of normality and you get to give baby the 1-on-1 attention that your first born got

[WhenYouCantRunYouCrawl]

I did the same. It worked brilliantly because it meant that DS kept his routine and had lots of attention from the childminder whilst I dealt with the baby. I would say however to make sure you still get some 1-1 time with your eldest in the early days to reassure them about their place in your family.

[RCC18]

I'm on mat leave and my DD goes to nursery 2 days and is with family for an additional day some weeks. She loves the variety, I really value what she gets out of nursery, and i get some 121 time with the baby. If you can afford it I think its hugely helpful, especially those days when you're exhausted as the older child will still be entertained rather than the guilt of not having the energy to do so. Do what works for you!

[Sleepthiefsmum18]

I did this! 2 days at nursery meant I got time with new baby, toddler got to do fun things, and he really flourished. Plus it kept the space open for when I returned to work. Don't feel guilty

[Wheredidigowrongggggg]

We kept our part time nanny! You need to to preserve your childcare for when you go back to work but it’s also good for bonding with number 2, consistency for number 1 (he’ll get his normal high level attention from CM, mine got her 121 with nanny and loads of trips out etc) and for your own sanity. The juggle from 1 to 2 is really hard, esp if your older one is still a baby or toddler. If you can afford it, it’s a total no brainer.

[icantbecani]

If you can afford it it's fine. I cut down on nursery as I wanted to have more money to do fun things and that worked for me but I understand your point of view too.

[Redcarandthebluecarhadarace]

I've just sent my son for the past year while I'm on mat leave with my daughter.

Practically, I needed to keep the space for him when I return to work and I need a space for my daughter.

Its also good for him to maintain his friendships and relationship with the childminder, as I'm quite sure he would hate going back after spending a year at home with me.

It's also been a godsend for me when the baby has been up all night

[Cremebrule]

It is very sensible. My 3yo would have been devastated if we had stopped her going. We’ve tried to keep her routine exactly the same. Obviously if you can’t afford it, you can’t sustain it but it made life significantly easier for me.

[mummymummymummummum]

My eldest was at childcare 3-4 days a week right through my maternity leave! In fact she remained full time for the first month. The days I had both girls were by far the hardest. Though I loved seeing their relationship develop.

No regrets! YANBU.

[waggydog21]

I used to work at a childminders and this is very common so please don’t feel guilty! Winners all round; you get a bit of peace and one to one with the new baby and your child gets entertained and kept busy!

[Marellaspirit]

Speaking as a childminder I agree there is absolutely nothing wrong with this so long as you can afford to do it. Many children I have looked after have come to me while mum was in maternity. It keeps their routine steady when things can be changing at home with a new baby on the scene, and also if you intend to use a childminder when you go back to work then it means that you won't lose the space by taking them out and then it not being there when you go back in 9 months.

[Embracelife]

Of course
Keep his routine