I'm married and my divorced boss kissed me on the cheek which felt electric

[Office9to5]

NC for this. I feel ashamed to say I can still feel his kiss on my cheek since Friday evening. Have worked for him in an open plan office for 6 years, there's always been a strong chemistry between us. We're both early 40's with teenage/university kids. I'm married to a difficult and controlling man, we married too young and stayed together for the sake of the kids. I've felt trapped for years and during that time my boss who's in the Legal profession has often given me good advice about my rights and how to get out of my situation. I never felt a magnetic draw with anyone in my life apart from him. I feel so happy being anywhere near him and love being at work. He walked me to the taxi rank on Friday night after Christmas party and we stood there talking for about 20 minutes and as I was about to go he gave me a hug and a kiss which he never did before, he turned his head towards me as if about to kiss me properly but I turned away in panic even though I wanted to kiss him too. It didn't seem awkward or maybe I got it wrong? He's been on annual leave this week and I don't know how to react when he's back on Monday. He'd usually text in the evenings or when he's off about work stuff or funny Instagram posts etc but the only text I got from his was last night asking if I was OK with him to which I replied of course as I couldn't think of anything else to say! Should I ring him to clear the air or chat on Monday morning or am I imagining the whole thing? He's my perfect soulmate, he sometimes jokes about wishing I wasn't married and he's fed up living on his own! I feel he's wanted more for a long time with other things he's said..... Just to add neither of us had much alcohol on Friday so we were lucid!

@BeatriceTheBeast Great advice.
I think OP is seeing it through rose tinted glasses. If he was genuinely in love with you I think he would have acted on it sooner. You're searching for an escape.
If your marriage needs to end with DC it needs to be a clean break.

I was in a marriage with a man for 5 years and we'd been together for 11. He was emotionally abusive. I didn't even realise it tbh. I thought we were happy. I was very wrong and lying to myself.
I met a man and had so much chemistry with him. We didn't act on it but one day we suddenly kissed. Very passionately. I felt such electricity that I knew I wouldn't be able to go the rest of my life without kissing him again. I knew he was my soul mate. I just knew.
Now we're married and have a toddler and one on the way. Life is pretty heavenly, despite recently losing a number of people close to me.
My sister has a very similar story and they've been married for 12 years.
Fairytales come true. Screw the haters on here. If you need out, get out. Maybe it works with this guy, maybe it doesn't. But it's definitely worth a try. Believe in soul mates. And true love. And fairy tales.

toddlersaresuchadelight

Did you have kids with the first husband? I think it makes a significant difference to the inevitable ensuing shitstorm after an affair ends a marriage, (even if the marriage was unofficially long dead). Have you ever seen the effect of this on children? It's far from a fairytale and it is small consolation to them that their mum has finally met her soulmate.

Not saying divorce is universally bad for children. Far from it. But affairs and then one of the parents moving straight in with the OW / OM can be very difficult for children to understand. If I needed to get rid of my DH, I would want to do so with minimal drama and minimal negative impact on my dcs.

Screw the haters on here. If you need out, get out. Maybe it works with this guy, maybe it doesn't. But it's definitely worth a try. Believe in soul mates. And true love. And fairy tales.

Haters is a very strong term for people simply advising that it's better to end a marriage before starting on another relationship. I believe in love. I don't believe in fairy tales or soulmates but I am with someone who is one of very, very few men who would suit me so extraordinarily well and I know I'm lucky to have met him. But I met him when we were both single and after I'd reflected for a long time (years) on my mistakes in previous relationships and realised how it was I'd chosen the wrong men in the past.

Christ, it’s not always so easy in real life is it?! You don’t just decide your marriage is unhappy and leave. I would like to do this. But we literally cannot afford to live apart. My DH is lovely but we’ve run out of steam. We’d both like to live apart but just can not afford to. The house is heavily mortgaged and we can’t afford two places on what we earn, unless it was two one bed flats which with two kids doesn’t really work. So it bugs me when people say leave like it’s that simple.

In the mean time if you are trapped like that what are you meant to do? I have a work crush. I’ve not acted on it in practice but in my head it’s all I do. These things happen.

To be realistic literally the only way I could leave was if I left our house and went straight to someone else’s! I’d love time and space to work it all out but life just doesn’t work like that all the time, does it......

Have you ever seen the effect of this on children? It's far from a fairytale

Oh yeah, Cinderella actually. But I'm sure that's not what you meant!

You could separate but still live together for a bit beancalledpickle? I know a couple who did this for a bit.

It isn't ideal, but sounds a lot better than staying together until you happen to run into the real soulmate, who conveniently lives close by and has his own home or who wants to move in with you immediately.

Or could you not find a flatmate to live with? Why does it have to be a new partner?

Is this seriously what people do when they aren't happy in a marriage? Move on to the next one? But what if that isn't a totally happy relationship? Shop around a bit more?

What if the new partners of posters who have gone on to wedded bliss and children with a new partner following an affair, suddenly decided they were shopping around and happened upon their TRUE soulmate. Would that be alright then, since...you know soulmate and true love and fairytales?

Ahh the electric boss.

Spending so much time together discussing interesting things because We Are Important People With Important Jobs.

Drawing together against a common enemy (or crappy upper mgmt decision) because We Are A Team And We Support Each Other!

Sorry OP but being sexually attracted to the boss is very normal. My boss is not even slightly attractive but my instincts clearly disagree given the number of explicit and frankly enjoyable sex dreams he's featured in not envy.

Anyway this boss thing is a distraction, a pleasant one, from the shitshow going on at home. Those emotions are a lot less pleasant and also require you to take (possibly unpleasant) action, which this crush certainly does not.

The most fun bit about this type of crush is NOT acting on it. The titillation, secrecy, the daydreams, the thrill of it all. None of the grim and disappointing tinge of reality. The dirty socks on the sofa, the hangovers, the stinginess, or whatever vices your boss has.

Ahh I do enjoy those lengthy one to ones with my electric boss talking about Important Things.

Hi op I really feel for you as what shines out of your post is that you have felt starved of love for years. This will have a terrible effect and make you really vulnerable. We all need to be seen and recognised and able to be ourselves- that’s what you’re getting from this man at work and it is hugely powerful.

For the moment I would take this as a wake up call to look at your marriage. Is it saveable? By which, I dont mean- is it bearable? I mean, can you bring joy and hope and friendship and great sex back into it?

If your conclusion is that you can’t, have a think about how the split would work in legal and financial terms - money, kids, house. Get a half hour advice from a solicitor outside your work (don’t rely on your colleague).

Then think about the realities of leaving- practical, emotional. What would be difficult? What support can you access? How would you feel being by yourself on a Saturday night? What might make you feel better, if this would be hard? Where would you like to live? What would you like your new life to look like?

I’d put this man to one side for the moment, because he’ll still be there in a year’s time. Maybe he’s the one for you, maybe he’s not, but if you get involved now you’ll be doing so from a position of great emotional vulnerability and handing him a lot of power. You can take a bit of time to build your strength.

It does happen- my father left my mother for a colleague, and they’ve been together for (ulp) over 40 years. I left my ex - I won’t lie, at times it was difficult and frightening and lonely, but now, years on, I’m happier than I’ve been for decades, and so very glad I managed to find the courage to go. Divorce doesn’t need to be frightening and bitter. Sometimes people just move apart, and then they need to find a way to end things with respect and kindness. Maybe your husband could even find a woman who wanted to be with him, as opposed to sadly enduring him for the sake of the kids!

You are unhappily married.
Sort that out. If it can’t be fixed , end it.

You and your boss fancy each other. He’s single .
Should you become single, go for it and good luck x

Screw the haters on here. If you need out, get out. Maybe it works with this guy, maybe it doesn't. But it's definitely worth a try. Believe in soul mates. And true love. And fairy tales
Wow I saw the tales of OTT fluffy wuffy on MN.
That was very bad advice.
There is a family to consider. I imagine DC need extra TLC after a break up, not a new male with DM.

The fairy godmother appeared and said "you shall go to the local race course, for the work party and shall have three course meal, (£5 extra for the salmon), plus glass of house wine ta da"! But when the clock struck midnight, the princess couldn't find the golden carriage, so made do with a hackney carriage and a smooch at the taxi rank I know you, I've walked with you once upon one of preggosaurus's filthy dreams.

My boss is not even slightly attractive but my instincts clearly disagree given the number of explicit and frankly enjoyable sex dreams he's featured in envy not envy
🤣😜 I laughed out loud.

Two minutes. Impressive.

Nothing's happened just isn't true.

Have you read 'the stages of a typical workplace affair'?

You are textbook.

His poor wife.

@Longfacenow He's divorced...

@Longfacenow he's divorced, no wife, lives on his own

I assume he is divorced because he cheated on her, with the one before OP.

It's a really bad idea to start sleeping with your boss, your marriage is a separate issue.

I think if there was a true fall in love soulmate connection it wouldn't take 6 years and a Christmas dinner to get a kiss on the cheek.
It'd be Romeo and juliet within weeks. You have had many professional lunches and dinners together.
OP I'm sorry but it sounds like he was horny.

You can still feel it? get down to the clinic

My god, there are some HORRIBLE people on here! OP, whether or not you could make a relationship with your boss work, you really need to leave your husband if you are not happy. You will regret it if you don't.