I’ll start by saying this woman is a very dear friend, I have known her for years.. but she can be very hard work.
She has a lot of issues around money. She has plenty, her husband drunkenly mentioned her savings account with £40k in it one night we were out together as a group. She is notoriously tight, hates spending more than she has to. For her hen weekend a few years ago we travelled to a uk city a few hours away by train and spent every night in a cheap chain pub because she didn’t want to spend a lot, and chose a hotel 2miles outside the city centre and made us walk everywhere because it was cheaper (by about £10) and taxis were a waste of money. At times she has ended up on medication because she gets very anxious about spending money.
She also has a few issues around her weight, she has worked well in the last couple years doing strict diets and she goes to the gym 3/4 times a week. She is very image conscious and gets very anxious if she thinks she’s putting on weight.
On top of that she is very house proud in terms of cleanliness. If anything is out of place she gets very upset and plans her week around her cleaning schedule.
Everything in my head is screaming that why on earth does she want a baby?! I had my first 3 years ago and there were a lot of comments from her about everything that a baby brings e.g they are so expensive, they’ll make a mess, pregnancy changing her body. I honestly thought she had ruled out children. 6 months ago she announced she was 7 weeks pregnant, and on the same breath asked how I was getting on Ttc, unfortunately I had the previous week suffered a miscarriage at 6 weeks, so I told her this. I get that I might be feeling a little raw about this due to the circumstances, but she’s complaining to me about everything despite knowing I should be going through the same things she is, and I’m not.
Her latest thing is about towels. She’s had long serious discussions with me about blankets, how many does she need? Are they essential? Can she just use a throw she already has for the sofa? It’s ridiculous. She’s also got very upset about spending money on other “essentials” such as muslins (!!), bottles, steriliser, baby furniture and the pram. I remember the joy I had when I was preparing for my first and getting to choose all the things he would need. She has none of that, everything is about trying to save money. She’s already saved a lot by buying second hand, but it’s not enough! She’s kept a running total of it all and in her words “it’s made her feel sick”.
I can’t help but really worry about her, and her baby! I’ve encouraged her to go to baby groups to make mum friends and get out the house when she’s on mat leave, but it’s always about the cost and how she can’t afford it (when i know that she can). I’m hoping when baby is here she’ll relax about things and spend the money on what baby needs (and the things that will make her life easier!). I don’t want to distance myself from her, but I’m exhausted by it all and a little resentful that she’s having a baby and miserable about it when she knows my baby would have been almost due too.