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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gutted the hospital sided with the doctor **Trigger warning - sexual abuse** [Title edited by MNHQ]

78 replies

Krazynights34 · 04/12/2019 19:13

I posted a while back in Chat about one of my DC’s doctors touching me in a sexual manner.
It took them months to investigate and they’ve written to tell me they believed him over me.
I feel properly gutted - they interviewed me and despite everything I said being true they believe him.
I’ve

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 04/12/2019 22:46

Thank you for speaking up. If nothing else, you have created a paper trail that may help the next woman. It can be so hard to prove any individual case do that paper trail may prove to be invaluable.

PanicAndRun · 04/12/2019 23:12

@goingtotown she's not the OP of the chiropractor thread.

DianaT1969 · 04/12/2019 23:19

Well done for reporting it. You were brave.

Becca19962014 · 04/12/2019 23:25

OP I suggest you also get a copy of all your notes. Unbeknown to me my situation was put in my notes "to prevent accusations being made about another innocent dr".

Get yourself some support, I'd advise against any on the NHS, mine worsened things for me a lot, because he was The Consultant at that hospital.

I suffer with severe PTSD and medic phobia now. You don't want what I'm going through to happen to you.

Thanks for the messages on thread. I'm going to hide the thread now. It's upsetting for me, but i think it's important you see these things can happen and justice isn't always forthcoming when people do speak up; at the time I raged a lot at organisations who were pushing for people assaulted to report it and claiming they'd always be believed because that wasn't the case for me. I wasn't prepared at all for the consequences of speaking out.

goingtotown · 04/12/2019 23:25

OP/PanicAndRun. apologies.

TotalRecall · 04/12/2019 23:34

I believe you.

Original poster
Krazynights34 · 05/12/2019 00:00

Thank you all so much. I’m crying getting these responses.
Do he didn’t touch the obvious sexual bits.. but he put his leg firmly against my leg, put both his hands on mine, then stroked one of my hands with his and then put his arm on my leg.
This was all while I had my seriously disabled daughter on my lap while he was supposed to be doing a chest exam on.
He’d been my daughter’s consultant for two years.
A relatively good looking, younger than me consultant (I’m not horrendous looking, though I feel I am and look about ten years younger than I am if that makes any difference).
But he’s a truly lying cunt
He admitted taking a photo of me and my daughter on the train, Sharing that picture with someone I don’t know l, inappropriate jokes and comments which the Trust describes as “clumsy”.
They said categorically they believe there was no sexual intent,
Which I’d believe if I wasn’t completely stupid.
Everything he did was perfectly considered and controlled.
I know I sound mental because it wasn’t a boobs or butt contact but he’s too clever to do that.
Anyway, thank you all who believe me . It wouldn’t occur to me to lie.
Though I am probably a twat a lot of times

OP posts:
Original poster
Krazynights34 · 05/12/2019 00:13

I told my GP, she laughed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Krazynights34 · 05/12/2019 00:29

Thank you all, and apologies if this had brought stuff up for some of you.
It wasn’t the first time he’d touched me , but I think I should leave it there. Maybe there’s justice with the GMC.

OP posts:
Original poster
Krazynights34 · 05/12/2019 00:33

To those who asked, they did say he admitted everything except the extent and purpose of his touching.
I owe the NHS my life (literally) and there’s no way I’d intentionally make someone uncomfortable, let alone possibly lose their job by misinterpreting things.
I’m an annoying but rational person.
But for those of you who believe me, thank you, from the bottom of my heart

OP posts:
Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 05/12/2019 00:37

I believe you OP and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. And then afterwards to hear you haven't been believed is awful.

Unfortunately my late mum worked for the NHS and reported an incident by another (more senior) member of staff. She lost her job, was given a (huge) payout and was told she'd be threatened with legal action should she ever speak to anyone about what happened. A gagging order which cost them thousands just to save a more senior member of staff...

Original poster
Krazynights34 · 05/12/2019 00:45

I’m so sad for everyone who’s had something like this in their lives.
I’m so alone and in despair,

OP posts:
Rockingdahorse · 05/12/2019 01:02

It sounds like his behaviour wasn’t professional at all, but I don’t think you’ve been sexually assaulted. Sorry.

I would call this ‘overfamiliar’ rather than sexual. I don’t think it’s a police matter.

Original poster
Krazynights34 · 05/12/2019 07:52

MNHQ perhaps this should be taken down as it’s upsetting for some people

OP posts:
AlexanderHalexander · 05/12/2019 12:04

What were the inappropriate jokes?

Bluerussian · 05/12/2019 18:41

Krazy, no need for the thread to be taken down. Lots of threads bring back bad memories for other posters but it helps to talk about things.

Rainwilds · 05/12/2019 18:51

Inappropriate yes. Sexual assault, I don’t think so. I’m sorry that it made you feel uncomfortable and yes, you were right to report it but I don’t think it falls in the category of sexual assault.

MatildaTheCat · 05/12/2019 18:55

Krazynights34, so sorry this has happened but you did the right thing because the doctor will have had an extremely uncomfortable experience being questioned about this and yes, it will be on the radar of the Trust should any other issues arise.

I have made a GMC complaint fairly recently. I warn you that they are pretty poor at actually doing anything. My own case had been upheld in the high court but still didn’t translate into any action by the GMC. However, I’m still glad I complained because he did undergo an investigation which he hated and it will remain on his record.

Just expect a result of he further action, unfortunately.

LagunaBubbles · 05/12/2019 18:59

You haven't said if you went to the Police or not?

Original poster
Krazynights34 · 05/12/2019 19:02

Thank you again. I think I meant it’s sexual misconduct not necessarily assault.
Having said that, I think in the law if someone thinks that non consensual touching was sexual then it is considered to be. Not sure if the wording.
Anyway I suppose I couldn’t really expect much.
At the very least he was being extremely intimidating and touched me in several places for a period of time.
I can’t think of how stroking my hand or putting his arm on my leg was anything other than sexual but...maybe he was just asserting his power.
Matilda - that’s exactly what I expected too but I guess it is about stopping him from doing something like this again.
A huge part of me wishes I’d never said anything.
Pp who asked about the jokes, just because it’s very outing I cannot give the specific worst joke but it essentially was a direct suggestion that my DC wasn’t gathered by my husband.

OP posts:
Original poster
Krazynights34 · 05/12/2019 19:03

Laguna... no I haven’t been to the police. I literally can’t face being interviewed again and not believed.
Unfortunately this has sparked a big mental health crisis for me. I’m seeing the GP in the morning and have had to double my Sertraline.

OP posts:
Original poster
Krazynights34 · 05/12/2019 19:04

Fathered not gathered

OP posts:
Original poster
Krazynights34 · 05/12/2019 19:05

Hello... I’m so sorry your poor mum had to go through that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Krazynights34 · 05/12/2019 19:11

And Becca I’m sorry to hear what happened to you.

Just to clarify I need I’m not the OP who was touched by a chiropractor though I did respond to her post.

OP posts:
PositiveVibez · 05/12/2019 19:11

I was sexually assaulted by a teacher when I was 14. He touched my breast for what felt like a lifetime but must have been a matter of seconds.

After staying off school my mum knew something was up and I told her. She went up the school and it was investigated.

All of a sudden a teacher said he was there (he wasn't) and he saw everything and no such thing happened.

Luckily my tutor had the measure of him and privately told me that he had 'had words' with him.

It may have been over 25 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday and it still makes me feel angry now that I was not only not believed, but that I was conspired against.