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Original poster

To be gutted the hospital sided with the doctor **Trigger warning - sexual abuse** [Title edited by MNHQ]

78 replies

Krazynights34 · 04/12/2019 19:13

I posted a while back in Chat about one of my DC’s doctors touching me in a sexual manner.
It took them months to investigate and they’ve written to tell me they believed him over me.
I feel properly gutted - they interviewed me and despite everything I said being true they believe him.
I’ve

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 04/12/2019 20:12

Have you been assaulted by a paediatrician and a chiropractor?

NoFucksImAQueen · 04/12/2019 20:13

Rocking that's a different op is it not?

iolaus · 04/12/2019 20:16

Different OP

This is the OPs original thread I believe www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3670512-Anyone-ever-made-a-formal-complaint-about-a-doctor-being-inappropriate

iolaus · 04/12/2019 20:19

I understand being gutted but from the original post I'm not that surprised (please note that isn't to say I don't believe you but you said in your first post that he's popular at the hospital so it's not really a shock they have taken the word of someone they know over someone else - I'm assuming there weren't any witnesses so it does come down to he said / she said - thats why so many abusers get away with things

Hooferdoofer37 · 04/12/2019 20:20

The current system we have for rape & sexual assault victims is horrific.

Look at the Alex Salmon case; 10 different women, all saying that he sexually assaulted them &/or attempted to rape them & he just says "I'm not guilty."

Wins his first court case & is now on his 2nd with the same defence.

Who on earth believes that 10 different women independently decided to lie & accuse a man of sexual assault, oh and that they all just happened to accuse the same man?

Why isn't the word of 10 women saying "he did" stronger than his one voice saying "I didn't."

OP, I am incredibly sorry for your experience and wish the system dealt with such cases very differently indeed.

I believe you.

KitKat1985 · 04/12/2019 20:21

It's probably not that they don't believe you OP, they probably just don't have enough evidence to follow it through.

NurseButtercup · 04/12/2019 20:26

Sadly it's what they do. NHS staff are above criticism sadly.

This is not true and I wish people would stop trotting out this statement. All healthcare professionals are obligated to uphold the ethical code of conduct to "do no harm". They are scrutinized if they break this code, for example Dr's and Nurses are investigated, suspended and struck off every month by the GMC and RCN . These decisions are public record that you can access here:

GMC
www.gmc-uk.org/concerns/hearings-and-decisions/ic-decisions

NMC
www.nmc.org.uk/concerns-nurses-midwives/hearings/hearings-sanctions/hearings-september-2019/

Op I'm so so sorry that you've had this experience, I'm relieved that you've already filed a complaint the GMC. I agree that you should go to the police and Health Service Ombudsman.

overnightangel · 04/12/2019 20:43

“NHS staff are above criticism sadly“

Is this a wind up @user1497207191Confused

Becca19962014 · 04/12/2019 20:46

I was sexually assaulted by a consultant as an outpatient. Though I reported it to everyone I could he was found innocent as was the nurse who helped. I was told by the trust I was making it up as I wanted attention because I was fat, lonely and out of work (yep that's what the letter said). None of the other agencies I went would do a thing BUT that was a long time ago.

Under operation yewtree (decades later) he was found guilty of more than ten sexual assaults, many severe. Him and the nurse were both struck off.

All happened after me and every day since they were found guilty I've felt it was all my fault for not being good enough to be believed.

I've had occasions when NHS staff have closed ranks BUT there's also been occasions when staff stood up for me, one person lost their job and still the staff concerned didn't get disciplined, they left shortly after by choice, supposedly. I'm grateful they stood up for me.

BlouseAndSkirt · 04/12/2019 20:56

Becca, that is horrific. I am so sorry.
I am glad he was eventually struck off, but no, none of it was your fault. It was the fault of those who disbelieved you in such a disgusting manner.

cabbageking · 04/12/2019 21:05

You reported it to the GMC. Was the reply from them?

What was the Police response?

PurpleFlower1983 · 04/12/2019 21:08

I believe you too and I’m so sorry this has happened Flowers

SleepWarrior · 04/12/2019 21:29

It's not always true about closing ranks after a complaint at all. It may be the case if colleagues think the patient is making things up (which does happen, although not for a second saying OP is) or they don't want the bother because they're a bit spineless.

But equally colleagues may sense that something is not quite right about a particular doctor/nurse and will happily back up a patient that has make an allegation about xyz because they've also seen them do something that seemed off.

Healthcare professionals have also been know to throw each other under the bus to protect their own careers. It's certainly not all about closing ranks, although utterly frustrating if youre on the receiving end of that.

Original poster
Krazynights34 · 04/12/2019 21:30

Thank you all!! I’d always thought I’d get flamed on AIBU.
Not sure how to link to my other thread... I will try later (just had to get out of the house for a bit as I’m so upset)

OP posts:
MistyCloud · 04/12/2019 21:30

@Krazynights34 WOW, I am so sorry for what happened, and it's dreadful that you have been made out to be some kind of a liar and a fantasist!

Let's home some other women come out of the woodwork.

I have no words.

SOOOOOO sorry. Flowers

Ginger1982 · 04/12/2019 21:31

"Why isn't the word of 10 women saying "he did" stronger than his one voice saying "I didn't.""

Because he needs to be proven guilty first by a testing of the evidence.

MistyCloud · 04/12/2019 21:36

Why are the 1 in 5 posters who think the OP is being unreasonable not commenting eh? Hmm

sonypony · 04/12/2019 21:40

I'm so sorry Sad it's horribly unfair.

YankeeDad · 04/12/2019 21:45

I believe you.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 04/12/2019 21:46

"Why isn't the word of 10 women saying "he did" stronger than his one voice saying "I didn't.""

Ever heard of the boy cry wolf... there has to be evidence, proof or argument establishing a fact or the truth of a statement.

That’s the simple explanation however in reality it’s astoundingly complex

MrsMaiselsMuff · 04/12/2019 22:03

Did they actually say that they believed him over you? Unfortunately these situations are incredibly hard to prove, even on the balance of probabilities (the civil burden of proof).

I believe you. It's quite possible that the investigating officer at the hospital does too, but they can't take any action due to a lack of proof.

OhTheRoses · 04/12/2019 22:10

The MHS does close ranks. NHS double speak apologies.

The paed cpnsultant who lied to me by saying I had given permission for a matter to be reported to social services. The A&E sister who told me she regularly complained to CAMHS, (and when oressed could only confirm she wrote up parents' concerns in notes and hadn't complained to anyone, refused to listen and then screamed down A&E that I was obstructing my child's care and creating a safeguarding issue - after a specualust nurse had said my dd was well enough to be discharged but said sister wasn't getting things moving to facilitate and was too incompetent to provide an explanation.

The reality was the paed consultant didn't know his arse from his elbow and the nurse was judgemental, refused to listen and a touch ignorant.

The CEO when I met him didnt want to touch on the abject dishonesty.

Epsom Hospital 2016. I believe you op. These people and their webs of lies are a disgrace to humanity and yet they retail that they care. They do not.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 04/12/2019 22:21

@Becca19962014 Don't blame yourself , you were ignored, its not that you didn't try to be heard .
I hold a great amount of guilt (displaced maybe, who knows) over something I saw some 40 odd years ago now and didn't inform any adult . I was only little myself though and others saw it too but the guilt of what if something was happening to those little girls ? is there and comes to haunt me now and then.

OP good luck with your case

goingtotown · 04/12/2019 22:25

OP so you’ve been touched in a sexual manner by your DC’s paediatrician & your chiropractor. Speak to your GP for advice?

Bluerussian · 04/12/2019 22:38

You're not at all unreasonable and I am so, so sorry. All I can say is now it is on file forever and he will do it again (if he hasn't already), and at that time you will be believed.

This is very hard for you. It's unfortunate you were not believed but not unusual at all.

I worked for the NHS and years ago a doctor was accused of the same. What is more he was known for it, not so much about patients but about members of staff; on this occasion it was a patient and he got away with it despite reputation.

Something also happened to me some years ago when I consulted a doctor, it was horrible. I didn't do anything about it because I had no proof and I was not in a good place at that time so felt sure I wouldn't have been believed.

It makes me sick that these people who are in positions almost of authority, having the upper hand over vulnerable sick people, can abuse with no consequences.

Flowers Wine