Things your DP says that drives you mad

[Butterflyflower1234]

We can't be the only couple that argue over little things that are said but they drive you bonkers.

Last night my DP told me to 'chill out' which drives me insane. I am chilled!! I just give a damn about things.

Also he has a habit of asking when I'm 'due on' if I'm being a bit moody.

He's generally pretty awesome so these are just silly things that drive me bonkers. Do you have any things like this to share?

Mine says Weetabick instead of Weetabix . Drives me mad.

Ooh mine too! Insist it's the singular form.

Also, instead of "cheers" he says "all the Georgie" [Best] which for no good reason has irritated me since our first date more than 20 years ago.

My DH says anythink or everythink and it makes me want to scream that there's no K at the end!! He also says shall we go to the pictures instead of the cinema and pronounces days the same way as a previous poster - Mondee, Tuesdee etc. Plus holidee. He's bloody annoying.

instead of parenting mine says it like p-renting. Also ‘do you think we should do x or y?’ ‘Yes.’

Most annoying thing, although I’ll probably think of something just as annoying in a second, she’ll say something and I didn’t hear it so i’ll say ‘what?’ Then she’ll just carry on with what she’s saying, sometimes for ages. I get increasingly annoyed. ‘What are you on about? I didn’t hear the first thing you said, that’s why I said what.’ We get this ten times a day.

Or, I told you I’d think of something, she’ll suddenly change the subject without warning, and in directions that are unfathemable. ‘Tesco was really busy earlier, it‘s going to be next week now.’ ‘what, didn’t you do the shopping then?’ ‘no, my work trip to Manchester.’ WTF?

Oh, and starting a conversation with absolutely no context whatsoever. ‘They said they can’t do it until tomorrow.’ ‘What? Who can’t do what until tomorrow?’ ‘They rang me earlier and said it would be tomorrow now because they’re busy.’ ‘Who, what?’ ‘The woman was off today apparently.’ ‘WHAT WOMAN? WHO ARE THEY AND WHAT CAN’T THEY DO UNTIL TOMORROW? I’M NOT A BLOODY MIND READER.’ Honestly, I think she’s having her own conversation in her own head half the time, it drives me batty.

Mines favourite saying is “that’ll take me 3 hours!” In relation for absolutely any household task.. tonight it was emptying two tiny bins.. last week it was a basket of washing to go past (not ironed just in the drawers/wardrobe).

Or “oh snappy” yes I’m snappy because there’s no way in the land of fuck that it takes 3 hours to empty two teeny bins.

I also don’t do the 3 hour task when he moans.. I refuse to be a skivvy because he can’t be arsed.. just say ah fuck I’ll get it later.

‘What are they having for dinner?’ In reference to our kids on the very rare occasion I ask him cook get their dinner. I don’t know, look in the fridge/freezer?! Ask them what they might like? Go to a shop?!

‘What are you going on about now?’ Said when I’ve been trying to say something for ages and he’s switched off.

Basically any sentence with ‘we’ in it when really he means ‘you’, eg, ‘what are we getting my mum for Christmas?’ ‘What are we doing about the car service?’ Etc

I don't know.

The fucking knob mumbles, whispers and lets words trail away. If you ask him to repeat it, he starts speaking like a normal human being, but just at the bit where you lost it, he trails away again (or adopts a pitch higher than that of most bats).

He's worst at doing this when wherever we are is quite noisy, he's got the TV, radio and his phone going at once or when it's late at night and very quiet, so I would be able to hear him if he actually spoke.

The last time we had this, it didn't go how he planned.

'Mitz? I was thinking that if we did...mumble...then what would happen is that there would be...mutter, mutter, silent mouth moving and face pulling...'

I'm half asleep at this point and wake up, turn around in bed and ask him 'Hmmm? Sorry, I couldn't quite hear you'.

'Well, what I thought and maybe it's a bad idea, but you know when it happened and the result was something, well, maybe we could...mumble mumble, pulls a face in the dark'.

'Huh? You want us to what?'

(pulls face in the dark) 'Ah, well if you feel like that, I won't say anymore about it'.

'Anymore about what? Babe, you know I've got Tinnitus, right?'

'Yes'

'You know that means my entire left side is constantly filled with a hiss like a powered up amplifier with no signal?'

'Yes'

'So I wear a headphone to try and block the noise out so I can go to sleep?'

'Yes'

'And I lie on my right side because you wanted that side of the bed?'

'Yes'

'The right side being the one where I can actually hear you?'

'And not only do I need glasses to see the pillow properly and I don't wear them when I'm sleeping, it's dark so I can't lipread when you stop making sounds?'

'Yeah. Where are we going with this, because if I'm in.....mumble mumble facepull'

'You have to use words or I can't hear you.'

'Am I in trouble, because you know that, mumble mumble facepull and all I said was that maybe, possible we could, but if you're mad we won't and that's fine, I just thought that well, mumble mumble (turns head away and makes deep muttering noise that is precisely the right frequency to be completely obliterated by the fucking hissing noise in my head)'

'I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU. USE YOUR FUCKING WORDS OR SEND ME A FUCKING TEXT MESSAGE. I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS FUCKING MUMBLING SHIT. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT AND I'LL SAY YES OR NO BUT FOR LOVE OF GOD STOP FUCKING WHISPERING AND MUMBLING INTO THE ONE EAR I HAVE THAT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK ANYMORE'

There is absolutely nothing wrong with my other ear. The hearing isn't just great, it's exceptional. The fucking hiss can't be fixed, as it's autoimmune in nature. Hearing aids would do nothing but amplify sounds to a level that would cause me actual hearing loss in that ear. JUST STOP FUCKING MUMBLING IN THE SHIT ONE. SPEAK TO THE WORKING ONE OR TURN ON THE FUCKING LIGHT AND FACE ME SO I HAVE A FUCKING FIGHTING CHANCE OF LIPREADING. Or we can go on a BSL course together SO I CAN SIGN TO YOU STOP FUCKING MUMBLING WHEN YOU TRY TO SIGN WITH YOUR ARMS UNDERNEATH THE FUCKING DUVET.

‘Relax’

DH knows after 19 years together never, ever to say this to me again. It only took him about 16 years . DO NOT tell me to re fucking lax when I’m stressed of you genuinely care about my stress levels. Just don’t.

"You choose"...No, I just asked you, please just make a fucking decision!!!

Or when I am anything less than loudly and enthusiastically ecstatic about something, "are you due on?"

@rosegoldivy ugh that would give me the rage.

DH likes to shout from another room. When I shout back “I can’t hear what you’re saying” he just shouts again, at the same volume.

Also, “irregardless.”

MitziK, I think you win the thread.

It is what it is

I know. You’re basically saying “that’s that” stop stating the obvious you cock womble!

DS coined the phrase 'wizard speak' to describe DH's dialogue on a bad day - a mixture of Catweazle, Yoda and Worzle Gummage. Vowels at the end of sentences, archaic phrases, generally gibberish. And then gets upset as we try to decipher what on Earth he's talking about. Drives us mad.

Oh god @MitziK I’m annoyed with him for you

Him: "Yeah that's what I said"
Me: "No, you didn't say that at all"
Him: "Well, you know that's what I meant"

Why can't you just say what you mean in the first place?!

'It's not rocket surgery.'

I think it's a deliberate mixed metaphor for humour, rather than accidental, but I daren't ask. It pisses me off either way.

Use your fucking words or send me a fucking text message

Management speak - current favourite is ‘you need to deliver a solution’

Aargh!

Oh, and starting a conversation with absolutely no context whatsoever.

My husband does that, drives me fucking MENTAL. It’s like he’s bringing you into a conversation he’s having in his head halfway through.

"I should be able to." I don't give a flying fuck if you should be able to, I want to know if you will.

Also, will mumble something, or walk away as he's speaking, so it goes like this:

Him: "I spoke to mum about the weekend and blah blah mumble mumble...

Me: Sorry, what?

Him: it means Saturday and Sunday I'll be away.

Me: don't explain, fuckwit, REPEAT. It's not that I don't understand, I can't hear you.

MitziK apparently it's National Disability Week this week and our work have a 'try to get round this building in a wheelchair' challenge and a 'see how life looks with this visual impairment' challenge - but nothing for the hearing impaired.

I think some clever clogs should design headphones that distort normal hearing to what ours is like unaided, and we should force our respective OH's to wear them for a day or two to see what we go through. I'm sick of DH making jokes about potatoes when I have to ask him to repeat stuff.

TheQueen, what I do in that situation is repeat exactly what I heard, including the mumbles and gibberish and mfmuljgygfprrrts. Tends to annoy and amuse in equal measure.

When my dh tells our dd how I'm feeling:

"Let's leave mummy alone, she's just being grumpy"

Well I fucking well am grumpy now, you twat!

"Calm down" sets my teeth on edge.

Admittedly, I have a temper and can be a bit emotional at times (especially compared to "Mr. Cool, Calm, and Collected"), but that phrase (or any variation of it) has the exact opposite of a calming effect!

Thought of another. Whenever I offer him two options, he'll often answer "yes" or "no"! I think he usually is answering in the affirmative or negative to the first option, but it's so frustrating, because I feel I have to follow up with another question to be sure! Why can't he just listen to both options and answer back properly?! It's not that difficult, surely!