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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

R. E my 13yr old.

96 replies

RollOnNextYear · 04/12/2019 08:59

Myself and dd have a virus. Nothing bad just what's going around.
Ds started coughing last night. He's always been dramatic and makes all the right grumbling sounds to result in a day off school. Inevitably he ends up absolutely fine and sat in his games console. More so if I've gone out. ( he's 14 next month so happy. To leave him for things like that but wouldn't if was sick or tummy bug or whatever)
So a few times last nigh he coughed. And this morning. Resulting in the muuumm I feel so ill etc. He fooled me. And is now sat watching TV and asking what he can have for breakfast.. Wants a bacon roll or something and already grabbed a few Biscuits.
He could. Have gone to school but now dh has already left so can't take him.
I know full well hell try and go to his room. And sit on the console all day..

Aibu to Get dh to block it? He can do it from his phone.. That's how we time limit him. And I mean block until tomorrow. (, my dm reckons just until school finishes) Too ill for school too ill to play that right?

Then I know full well next week when he has brace tightened hell try to angle for the day off because it hurts..

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 04/12/2019 10:51

If you have a cold why can't you eat normally? We eat bacon sandwiches and biscuits in our house when you have a cold

Cos OP’s son is putting it on. Presumably your daughter isn’t.

MatildaTheCat · 04/12/2019 10:52

When my DC were at school and felt ill with colds etc I would always say that yes, when you have a virus you always feel worst first thing so have a bit of breakfast and a paracetamol and go to school. If you feel awful later you will have to go to the nurse and I will have to fetch you.

That never happened. They had very, very few days off sick.

theemmadilemma · 04/12/2019 10:54

YANBU to block the console. But brace tightening does really hurt!

Lovemusic33 · 04/12/2019 10:56

When dd is home I’ll she’s not allowed on her console or tablet. She stays in bed in her room and will eat toast if hungry. I send her in with a cold unless she has a high temperature or is really unwell.

I remember doing the same as your ds, my mum would then go to work and I would watch supermarket sweep and stuff my face with food 🤣. I think all teenagers try it on, even more so when they know they are going to get the house to themselves.

Beautiful3 · 04/12/2019 10:58

I would be making him go into school. Why cant he walk/cycle/catch a bus. Even if he has to walk for an hour! You have to take him in. Just say he seems alot better now when you drop him off. This will embarrass him as his mates and teacher will ask alot of questions. If he is sick, then no electronics. He stays in bed all day. When mine are ill, they arent allowed their iPads nor phone. I make it as boring as I can for them.

happycamper11 · 04/12/2019 11:08

God, you're all going on like the OP let's her son have weeks on end off.

Cut this woman some slack.

But 'this woman' (OP) is thinking the same as all of us and is looking for ways to prevent her ds from doing this again. She wants him to either go to school or if not have a boring day... no one is giving her a hard time just supporting her ideas

Makinganewthinghappen · 04/12/2019 11:12

Personally if I couldn’t get him to school and I was so sure he was faking - I would fill his day with chores. If he’s not in school working he can do work at home. I’m guessing after a day of cleaning he wouldn’t bother faking an illness again.

BlueJava · 04/12/2019 11:13

I'd set him some.school work and turn off the router and take his phone so he cant use data.

greenlobster · 04/12/2019 11:20

We've always had a rule thats there's 3 options on schooldays

You go to school
Mum's agreed you're ill so you stay at home
Mum hasn't agreed you're ill so you'll be helping her with the housework and whatever else she needs you to do all day

Oddly enough option 3 hasn't been used very much at all

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2019 11:22

Why would you need to contact your DH at work and ask him to block your son's console?

Surely you'd just unplug it and tell him he's not having it?

You're the parent in control.

Caledoniahasmyheartforever · 04/12/2019 11:26

I would invite the school to bring the truancy mini bus to collect him if he has genuinely pulled the wool over your eyes.

But I would be having a chat about why he has done this, especially if it’s out of character. I was a school refuser when in Secondary school, but it was crippling anxiety and fear that made me feel physically unwell, as I was being physically and verbally bullied (tormented) horrendously. I have since learned that I am on the autism spectrum, which explains the serious difficulties I had both with executive functioning and why I was targeted by bullies so much.

If your son just can’t be bothered going to school and fancies a day on his xbox, then by all means ask the school to bring the truancy minibus to collect him. But if there is a chance that your ds may be struggling at school, or is anxious because of bullying then I would tread carefully and look into getting support from the school.

ActualHornist · 04/12/2019 11:28

Just as an FYI you can just remove the power cable and take it out with you....

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/12/2019 11:28

To be fair, on the rare occasions my DSs were off, I would let them eat what they felt up to and watch tv/play computer games, but that's because they were genuinely unwell.

They are both lucky enough not to have any significant illnesses/chronic health problems but did go to school all through bullying issues and MH issues. They left school after 13 years with about a week of absence each over the entire time. Not forced to go, just chose to. Both at Uni now and don't miss things there either.

Hopefully OP is happy with the action she's been able to take.

MrsFogi · 04/12/2019 11:41

Put your foot down - anyone who stays home ill here is only allowed to lie in bed in a darkened room all day (if they are well enough to watch tv/go on a phone they are well enough to go to school).

umberellaonesie · 04/12/2019 11:43

@theemmadilemma brace tightening does not warrant a day off school, paracetamol and off you go. I had braces for 5 years as an adult and would have got sacked if I needed a day off every 6 weeks.

ClinkyMonkey · 04/12/2019 11:44

My 2 are off sick. Very high temperature, bad cough, generally feeling really lousy. I have it too, so I know. Eldest has spent his time in bed sleeping, no appetite. Very grumpy and feeling sorry for himself, poor boy. Youngest has been bouncing about like a space hopper and eating fairly well, despite a temperature of almost 39 degrees. So, clearly I know he's ill and not pulling a fast one, but the difference between how my two are reacting to this bug is unbelievable!! The only reason I knew youngest wasn't well was when he started telling me he loved me over and over again and not letting me out of his sight. So I took his temperature....!!

mummyway · 04/12/2019 12:02

It's on you. You knew he was pulling a fast one and let him stay home now wasting public and school money to get the truancy bus. Really. My kids are always sent to school. If they are too unwell then school can call me and I will go collect.

bobstersmum · 04/12/2019 12:04

Right so none of you have just been unwell enough to want to stay in the comfort of your own home for the day? And when you are full of a cold with a cough and banging head you don't eat? Or watch TV? Or play on your phone etc?
Op unless your son is off every five minutes then I think yabu!

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/12/2019 12:40

Right so none of you have just been unwell enough to want to stay in the comfort of your own home for the day?

Yes, loads but if it's a day I'm supposed to be at work, then unless I'm actually unable to work, I go in. If it's just that i'm unable to travel to work or infectious, then I work at home instead.

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/12/2019 12:41

I think the OP has said that her DS isn't ill so the strategy is around that. If he was genuinely unwell then I personally don't have an issue with tv/gaming and eating what they fancy. There is a difference.

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2019 12:43

Op unless your son is off every five minutes then I think yabu!

The OP knows her own child and she says he's pulling a fast one.

SweetAsSpice · 04/12/2019 13:04

@bobstersmum no, but feigning illness to get out of going to school is a common issue for many parents of teenagers, particularly boys. And it will escalate if it is tolerated and allowed to continue.

I taught many students who unfortunately became school refusers. This is one of the (many) routes towards that.

catspyjamas123 · 04/12/2019 13:09

I had to take a duvet day myself last month because a lot of stressful things piled up and I couldn’t face it. I was annoyed with myself for doing it. It hasn’t made me a serial work refuser. Sometimes people need a day off.

alexeiisamum · 04/12/2019 13:11

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Kezebel · 04/12/2019 13:32

It hasn’t made me a serial work refuser

presumably you aren’t a teenager. There’s a difference between genuinely needing a day off and trying to get a day off school.

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