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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

R. E my 13yr old.

96 replies

RollOnNextYear · 04/12/2019 08:59

Myself and dd have a virus. Nothing bad just what's going around.
Ds started coughing last night. He's always been dramatic and makes all the right grumbling sounds to result in a day off school. Inevitably he ends up absolutely fine and sat in his games console. More so if I've gone out. ( he's 14 next month so happy. To leave him for things like that but wouldn't if was sick or tummy bug or whatever)
So a few times last nigh he coughed. And this morning. Resulting in the muuumm I feel so ill etc. He fooled me. And is now sat watching TV and asking what he can have for breakfast.. Wants a bacon roll or something and already grabbed a few Biscuits.
He could. Have gone to school but now dh has already left so can't take him.
I know full well hell try and go to his room. And sit on the console all day..

Aibu to Get dh to block it? He can do it from his phone.. That's how we time limit him. And I mean block until tomorrow. (, my dm reckons just until school finishes) Too ill for school too ill to play that right?

Then I know full well next week when he has brace tightened hell try to angle for the day off because it hurts..

OP posts:

happycamper11 · 04/12/2019 09:26

If your part of the route has been cut can't he walk part of the way then pick up a bus where it does run? Might be a trek but will certainly put him off doing this again. FWIW aside from D&V I always send mine in and tell them if they still feel ill later to get the office to call me - they've never come home yet as morning is usually when you feel the worst

mbosnz · 04/12/2019 09:26

I'd definitely block.

And he'd be back in bed, curtains closed and on the aptly named BRAT diet (Bananas, rice, apple, toast).

Naillig222 · 04/12/2019 09:27

Always a rule here if you're off school sick it's not an enjoyable day. No games etc. That way they don't bother to pull sickies. Unless it's a vomiting bug, then you are quarantined in your room with an ipad.

FizzyGreenWater · 04/12/2019 09:32

I'd give him some homework tasks to do, a couple of hours work at least.

The wifi/console is only switched back on when they're done.

lau888 · 04/12/2019 09:32

Block his console, for sure. Just be careful not to block all internet access if he uses apps for homework, etc. (Unless his school doesn't issue any homework online.)

FizzyGreenWater · 04/12/2019 09:33

To be clear - the console is off ALL day today during school hours, work or not - but until he completes his tasks, it doesn't go back on tomorrow

NotSorry · 04/12/2019 09:42

day off for brace tightening? seriously?

my DS had to have a tooth removed ready for braces - I managed to get him an emergency appointment, picked him up at start of lunch - got the tooth removed and got him back to school by the time afternoon lessons started - I didn't give him a choice (not that he asked and apparently the french teacher told him I was hard core )

seriously OP, you know he's trying to skive, stop letting him get away with it

fruitbrewhaha · 04/12/2019 09:42

OP you mentioned upthread about a truancy bus?

I would call the school for help in your circumstance. Mine aren't at secondary yet so I'm no expert but does the school have a welfare dept? I'd speak them and explain he told you he was ill but you doubt that now. They could send the truancy bus, or perhaps a welfare officer can come out to talk to him and pick him up? Schools are keen to help with attendance, you are obviously keen on it too, so hopefully they can help.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/12/2019 09:47

Oh FFS, the obedience bullies are out in force. Waaah, gaming, waaah, attendance is so important (not necessarily, the current obsession with school attendance is more about enforcing compliance than improving education) waaah, make a sick kid suffer...

I'd just roll with it, OP. No one's going to die if a teenager has a duvet day and you say he does it about once a term? If it was once a week it might be different - but even then, your focus should be on why he doesn't want to go to school, not on bullying him into compliance. Sometimes DC who don't want to go to school are being bullied, or really struggling with the schoolwork and simply not getting the help they need.

Wheredidigowrongggggg · 04/12/2019 09:52

Well I bet you’re just a fabulous employee reanimated. Hmm, don’t fancy work today, I’ll have a duvet day. Stuff responsibilities, colleagues, deadlines. What a great example for your children to follow.

SunshineCake · 04/12/2019 09:56

As a minimum get him to school by whatever means necessary. If you can't or won't then definitely block the console until the weekend. It's not his first time taking the piss out of you..

SunshineCake · 04/12/2019 09:59

Did you not say yes to the truancy bus picking him up.

Considermesometimes · 04/12/2019 10:06

Tell the school he has rallied enormously and is completely well, if the truancy bus could collect him that would be so helpful, as you can't drive him in.
Otherwise I would be getting his books out, TV off (no games, no wife and no bacon rolls!) and he would be ploughing through the work he is missing, or at the very least reading through what he will be doing next. We have all been played in the past, and being too nice is a very bad idea!!!!

Considermesometimes · 04/12/2019 10:11

I'd just roll with it, OP. No one's going to die if a teenager has a duvet day and you say he does it about once a term?

I would agree with you if it was a one off and the first day, because cutting children some slack helps their emotional and mental health no end, however he is now on his second day and is clearly completely healthy, so now you are simply reinforcing a lack of consequences, and worse still that school attendance and lessons are not important, and that is a very negative message in my view. Teens need to know where the boundaries are, they need to know that studying, turning up, being engaged, caring about their education is vital to their well being and to their future.

nokidshere · 04/12/2019 10:14

It's not the end of the world because a teenager has pulled a sickie. If he is obviously feeling better give him some jobs to do and make sure all current or outstanding homework is completed. And next time vow not to be taken in so easily.

catspyjamas123 · 04/12/2019 10:24

It’s not a good habit to get into but I’d agree a teenager having a duvet day is not the same as an employee not turning up to work. Generally people do make the effort to go to work because they get paid and they are depending on the money. That’s a whole different incentive.

SweetAsSpice · 04/12/2019 10:29

Oh no, if he’s too ill to go to school, then he needs a full day of bed rest. Some nice relaxing music to listen to, or books to read, nothing else. Simple plain food too. If he protests, tough.

Make it as boring as possible for him. Gaming, bacon etc is just a reward.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/12/2019 10:29

Our eternal rule is that if you are ill off school, then you are ill off school, and you either have to stay in bed or on the sofa. Your entertainment choices are napping, reading a book, or listening to Radio 4. No other options.

If you have perked up after school finishes then you may have a bit of telly with me, but otherwise no screens when you are off ill.

It's amazing how well it works.

Pinkypie86 · 04/12/2019 10:33

God, you're all going on like the OP let's her son have weeks on end off.
This is from a mother who is doing her absolute best, whilst holding down a demanding job and having a DS who has SEN and much, much more.
My son is genuinely sick today - head cold, flu like symptoms blah blah. We have all had it and now it's his turn :/
He is sat eating toast with a cuppa, doing a sticker book - he's allowed to watch his tablet for an hour later until, then its TV and books.
Cut this woman some slack.
I'll offer a little advice - if you notice a pattern of behaviour ie. Doesn't like school on a Tuesday or feels I'll the evening before he has a subject he dislikes or isn't particularly good at, speak to the school and get onto straight away.
Otherwise, he may well be feeling like crap - I know I do but, at that age they haven't learnt to get on with it!!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/12/2019 10:33

Yeah if he's not going to school he can sit on the sofa with a book. He can have chicken soup for lunch.

longtompot · 04/12/2019 10:39

When my kids were ill, they had to stay in bed all day. No telly or computers. This helped stop the "I feel too ill for school!!" as they couldn't be bothered to go, so weren't off very often. Once their siblings were back home from school, then they could get up and watch tv etc.

Greggers2017 · 04/12/2019 10:40

If you have a cold why can't you eat normally? We eat bacon sandwiches and biscuits in our house when you have a cold. It's comfort food. Bland food is for sickness bug recovery.
I also don't understand why no games consoles. My DD aged 12 is upstairs playing on her PS4. She has been off since Monday with a cough and temperature and feeling lethargic. She's poorly, she's not in prison.
The baby is poorly and in her jumperoo should I take her out and put her in her bouncer all day?
DP is in bed too watching television. Maybe I should just turn the electric off.
Just because somebody isn't well enough for school where you can pass on the germs, doesn't mean they are too ill to actually do normal life things and eat normal food.

PsychosonicCindy · 04/12/2019 10:40

My ds quote often blagged a day off, the evening before start feeling rough, the croaky ill voice in the morning...so I'd let him have the day off and as soon as school had been phoned and bus has been & gone..'what's there to eat?' and on the Xbox! One time he even cheerily said 'haha I blagged you didn't I mum?!' So my rule now is if you're off school you have to stay in bed!! No tv no Xbox no going outside! And no dodgy days off any more!

Dandelion1993 · 04/12/2019 10:45

Get him to walk the 4 miles. He'll then think twice before trying to fake it next time.

Mrsjayy · 04/12/2019 10:48

I think you should put him over your shoulder and carry him to school or maybe put him in the cupboard under the stairs till morning it is the only way he will learn that 3 times a year off school is far too much! Be a proper mumsnetter and woman up

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