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Original poster

To tell dp to stop spoiling Christmas for our children.

106 replies

ElfByHimself · 04/12/2019 06:39

Dp cannot keep a secret.
We have got our dc a main present for Christmas and since we've had it in the house he's been a nightmare.

He started off dropping hints like
" wouldn't it be good if you had that for Christmas "

Then he's started openly discussing accessories he's seen online for it.

I've hid it in the wardrobe and last night he's said to the dc " don't look in there, unless you want to see something really exciting you have for Christmas "

I wouldn't have liked to see my face at that point as I was seething!

The dc know that Father Christmas doesn't bring all the presents but he then went on to say to them " it's a better present than all the plastic tat mummy has got you"

I felt like taping his mouth shut ( joking obviously).

When I point him out on it he just says " oops sorry"

I doubt dc will still believe in any Christmas magic by the time he's finished and it's really annoyed me.

Our youngest is only 3 so is he being selfish or am I just being stupid trying to keep it all a surprise?

OP posts:
NearlyGranny · 04/12/2019 09:55

DC will not understand the reference to 'plastic tat' but OP certainly did!

That is textbook passive/aggressive behaviour, talking to a third party to get at the target.

Horehound · 04/12/2019 09:57

My blood pressure has risen just reading this!

He's a cunt.

Auradal · 04/12/2019 09:59

Knobhead.

I'd move the present to a friend or relative's house straightaway (and don't tell him where it is).

You don't tell us how long you've been with him. Is it his first Christmas with you and the children? Sometimes people have had weird experiences of their own Christmas and don't know how to handle things properly. My ex was like this - due to an abusive childhood and made to feel shit at Christmas, every Christmas brought up feelings he couldn't deal with.

However, if it's not his first Christmas with you then he should know how to behave. He's teasing the children (I hate teasing of any kind) and winding them up. It has to stop now - it's only the 4th December - you're going to have extremely wound up and stressed kids by the 25th Dec.

My plan for you would be:

  1. Move the present
  2. Have words with him and tell him to stop winding the kids up
  3. If he can't keep his mouth shut, in the future he won't be involved in choosing and purchasing the main presents and will get a surprise on the day when he sees what the kids get.
Goldenchildsmum · 04/12/2019 09:59

This could become a family joke about 'Daddy always getting too excited about xmas'.

Or more accurately 'Daddy not giving a shit about anyone else's feelings and being a total dick every Christmas'

MistyCloud · 04/12/2019 10:01

@ElfByHimself

OMG this would fuck me right off.

My ex used to do be a bit like this. Weird teasing and taunting. When we first met, he would spend LOADS on me at Christmas, and would say (every time I saw him from the 1st of November right up to Christmas week,) 'I can't wait to see your face at Christmas!' with this inane grin. Grin And 'bet you're excited about Christmas eh eh eh?' Grin And 'I bet you're wondering what I got ya aintcha? Grin

Hmm

And he sulked like a little child on the first Christmas we were dating, (and we had only been dating 4 months,) when I said I didn't want to stay at his house Christmas Eve and spend Christmas day with him and his mom and dad, and stay til Boxing day evening. I said I want to stay with my own family. I said I will see him Christmas Eve and we can swap gifts, and then I will see him 27th December. He said 'but I won't get to see you open your gifts.' Sad So I said 'I will open them Christmas Eve then! Hmm

God he was an annoying, whiny little shit. That's why he's an ex!

Back to your DP, tell him to shut the fuck up! He sounds so annoying, and as a few posters have said, he wants to big himself up and make out he is the big man with the big gifts. What a pillock.

And why is he even saying he has got anything, and that all YOU have got is 'plastic tat?' Hmm Surely the kids think Santa brings it? I would be soooo fucking pissed off with him. He sounds like a pain in the arse.

Original poster
ElfByHimself · 04/12/2019 10:08

We've been together 10 years and to be fair this is the first Christmas he has done this. I think he's excited about the present himself.

The part that's annoyed me most is the fact he's told dc where the present is so they will obviously want to snoop and will then find other bits wrapped up for them. Also basically saying the other presents they have will be shit compared to the main one.

Youngest dc who's 3 will like the tat more anyway as they have specifically asked for a few of the presents I have got them.

Hopefully I can still convince them Father Christmas gave them it.

OP posts:
Figgygal · 04/12/2019 10:10

What's his problem?
He's acting like a dick

TheOrigFV45 · 04/12/2019 10:11

I have a family member who does this. She just doesn't get that we like to wait until Christmas day to open gifts. As a PP said, it's all about them getting the glory.

Tedious and immature and once it's been said no amount of back tracking changes it - the surprise has gone.

christmassymcchristmas · 04/12/2019 10:12

What a selfish arsehole.

Move the presents, tell him if you hear him utter any words again about presents you'll be moving him. Out. I couldn't live with this

CurbsideProphet · 04/12/2019 10:20

He might be excited about the present, but he sounds like he's deliberately trying to spoil their surprise. Maybe you need to spell that out for him?

Notodontidae · 04/12/2019 10:25

What a dork, some people just cannot keep a secret, at least you know he cannot keep anything from you. Next year, dont tell him anything, keep it a secret. Next thing you know he will say santa doesn't exist, that would be the last straw, as we all know that he does.

DarlingNikita · 04/12/2019 10:35

It's thoughtless and irritating. But for me the bigger issue is the 'plastic tat mummy has got you' stuff. Why is he putting you down to your children? That's out of order. And 'oops, sorry' isn't a good enough response from an adult.

blackteasplease · 04/12/2019 10:43

My ex MIL always tells everyone what she’s got them! And doesn’t wrap them up either. I don’t know why you’d do this!

Auradal · 04/12/2019 12:15

We've been together 10 years and to be fair this is the first Christmas he has done this. I think he's excited about the present himself.

Ok then he has no excuse then. He should know how to behave.
I thought he was some slightly naive clown who was in a relatively new relationship with a woman with children and didn't know the etiquette of Christmas when you have a family.

So he's being a dick. The question is why?
What is this present?

bookmum08 · 04/12/2019 12:51

This still seems like an over reaction to me. Don't most children know in advance what their 'main' present is anyway - because they put it number 1 on their xmas list. Obviously if number 1 is a gift that will never happen then a quiet word to children then they know they aren't getting that. My daughter knows her present because this year we have got something more expensive than usual and we discussed it with her to make sure we have got the correct bits etc. Infact because she was aware we were getting it as a Black Friday deal she has actually been given this gift already. It actually means Christmas Day will not so much about her and her presents which will a nice change. Her best friend told me the other day what her and her little sister are getting because they always get to choose something in a specific price range and their parents get it (within reason).
If the 'plastic tat' are things the children have asked for so they will be happy. Is this surprise present something the children are expecting? If not why is it a big deal if they discover the surprise now or Christmas day?
Really? Why turn this this into such a thing? Have the children actually asked what this present is? If they were that curious they would be all "tell us tell us" and gone looking in the cupboard already.

Isitme13 · 04/12/2019 13:01

It sounds as though OP’s dc are quite small (based on the fact they still believe in Father Christmas).

I have 3 dc. Only 1 of them actually knows what she is getting for Christmas, and even then, there is still a (fairly large) surprise element. She is 12.

Her older sibling doesn’t particularly know, but probably trusts she will get what she has asked for.

Their younger sibling doesn’t know - he has asked for some things, sure, but I am confident that the majority of his presents will be a surprise.

They got a surprise joint present last year - a games console shared between them - and it was truly a huge surprise for all of them. I would have been annoyed if anyone had spoiled that surprise, tbh.

JoGose · 04/12/2019 13:06

He’s being a dick. He’s managed to contain himself before so he can now. I’d hide the present and tell him you got rid of it because he spoiled the surprise, or as a PP suggested, get a bigger and better present and say it’s from Santa

bookmum08 · 04/12/2019 13:12

I wouldn't have thought the children would be that young if this gift is something that the husband is so over excited by. It's either got to be a games console or a massive Hornby train set for him to be this way. Generally those items are for older children.

Isitme13 · 04/12/2019 13:48

OP says her youngest is 3. That’s pretty young.

There could be all sorts of things a parent gets excited about their dc receiving. Two of the absolute best presents (in terms of anticipation and excitement) my dc have received have cost £20 combined maximum (one of them I made myself). Both were only such massive successes because the dc believed in the magic of Father Christmas (both presents were supposedly unobtainable). I would have been extremely annoyed if that delight and surprise was spoiled for them - their sheer joy on Christmas morning was lovely, and they both remember the moment even now, years later.

3weemonkeys · 04/12/2019 14:31

He's not just spoiling it for them. He's spoiling it for you too. And undermining you and your choices. He wants to be the best parent. It's not supposed to be a competition.

lily2403 · 04/12/2019 14:32

sounds like an ass to me

bookmum08 · 04/12/2019 14:41

Unless the children are constantly going on and on and on about what this gift is then they probably aren't that fussed by a comment their dad made. Also I still think that the children wouldn't have a clue what 'plastic tat' means.
Tell husband to be quiet about it. If he doesn't then yes he is a bit of an arse but really this isn't a big deal.

Anotheruser02 · 04/12/2019 14:44

Show him the thread. He needs to know it's not a joke and other people think it makes him a selfish glory seeking prick. Your opinion means nothing to him.

LittleMissnotLittleMrs · 04/12/2019 17:41

I'm just here to find out what the present is! (I agree, he's a foolish twat or twatish fool)

spanglydangly · 04/12/2019 19:18

@Isitme13 did you read the OP?

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