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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell dp to stop spoiling Christmas for our children.

106 replies

ElfByHimself · 04/12/2019 06:39

Dp cannot keep a secret.
We have got our dc a main present for Christmas and since we've had it in the house he's been a nightmare.

He started off dropping hints like
" wouldn't it be good if you had that for Christmas "

Then he's started openly discussing accessories he's seen online for it.

I've hid it in the wardrobe and last night he's said to the dc " don't look in there, unless you want to see something really exciting you have for Christmas "

I wouldn't have liked to see my face at that point as I was seething!

The dc know that Father Christmas doesn't bring all the presents but he then went on to say to them " it's a better present than all the plastic tat mummy has got you"

I felt like taping his mouth shut ( joking obviously).

When I point him out on it he just says " oops sorry"

I doubt dc will still believe in any Christmas magic by the time he's finished and it's really annoyed me.

Our youngest is only 3 so is he being selfish or am I just being stupid trying to keep it all a surprise?

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 04/12/2019 08:37

He can help it.

Trewser · 04/12/2019 08:38

I'd imagine he's a spoilt little boy who doesn't like the emphasis of Christmas being about anyone other than him.

Ellie56 · 04/12/2019 08:39

He sounds a right twat. I'd go shopping without him and hide everything away from him as well as the kids.Maybe a relative or friend would keep the presents at their house for you?

amusedbush · 04/12/2019 08:40

What an arsehole! It sounds like he's getting a kick out of this - does he want everyone to fawn over him and his gift buying skills??

averythinline · 04/12/2019 08:41

He sounds really mean, does he always put you down like this to teh kids? and also not nice for the kids.... are they his?
DH is not an xmas person - his family just never in to it - but even he understood presents were for hiding.....

PerkyPomPoms · 04/12/2019 08:44

What a dickhead

HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork · 04/12/2019 08:44

It’s controlling behaviour, or so I’m told by my counsellor when I told her about my (abusive) ex doing the same thing to me and our children. Makes sense though. Either way he’s a massive bawbag.

Serenity45 · 04/12/2019 08:44

Sorry OP but he sounds like a pure prick...he COULD help it if he wanted to. He's made a conscious decision not to and I'd be wondering why. Only you know him / your relationship in general but is this part of a wider pattern of selfish and undermining behaviour?

ReanimatedSGB · 04/12/2019 08:46

I bet there are lots of other ways in which this prick spoils things for you and DC. I bet he sulks if he doesn't get enough attention, or his own way all the time. I bet he undermines you to make himself look like the more lovable, fun, exciting parent. I bet you have spent a long time telling yourself to pick your battles and not sweat the small stuff, because every spiteful, selfish thing he does seems trivial on its own, but it all adds up to a picture of someone determined to be the most important person in the household no matter how upsetting this is for his partner and DC.

OrlandoInTheWilderness · 04/12/2019 08:53

What an arse. I'd tell him it's gone back and hide it at a friends.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 04/12/2019 08:59

I wouldn't refuse to let him help in future, that's just taking on more wifework. I'd make him solely responsible for all present buying, and see if he's so keen to blab then.

Borgen · 04/12/2019 09:05

What's wrong with him?

Is he an unpleasant person, immature, or not very bright?

Got to be one of three surely.

I feel annoyed just reading this.

midsomermurderess · 04/12/2019 09:11

He sounds as if he is a bit overexcited and being a bit of a prat but the usual posts appear suggesting his is up to something deliberately nasty. 4 pages in, I'm just surprised no one has yet said 'is he usually this controlling, 'OP'.

midsomermurderess · 04/12/2019 09:12

Oh, I'm wrong, it has already appeared.

HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork · 04/12/2019 09:14

But it is controlling behaviour. I was reading the OP and giving him the benefit of the doubt until the bit where he said “mummy’s got you a load of plastic tat” and that was when I decided he sounds more like a nasty fucker and not just an over excited idiot who can’t keep a secret.

00100001 · 04/12/2019 09:14

This would annoy me "it's a better present than all the plastic tat mummy has got you"

What a knob

Redwinestillfine · 04/12/2019 09:16

I would be tempted to let them have the present now, your DH clearly wants to play with it. If possible get the money for it back off him swing as it's no longer s Christmas present and just something he bought -for himself- them. Get them other stuff they'll like for Christmas and don't tell DH.

Themazeoflife · 04/12/2019 09:21

Move it to someone else's house if you can and wrap it ASAP.

bookmum08 · 04/12/2019 09:31

Would children understand what 'plastic tat' means? I don't even know what it really is other than an annoying mumsnet phrase.
Does it really matter if the children know in advance what they are getting? If they know they will still be excited as they have to wait for xmas day.
This could become a family joke about 'Daddy always getting too excited about xmas'.

ALLMYSmellySocks · 04/12/2019 09:32

I would be bloody furious. Like PP said he's trying to make it all about him.

Isitme13 · 04/12/2019 09:34

I agree with other posters - he is being an immature selfish idiot, making everything all about him. If you’ve had words several times, and he hasn’t listened/changed, and has escalated (saying the stuff he knows about is better than the rubbish mummy has got them), then it doesn’t bode well for the future, does it?

I’m sorry, OP, I’ve been in a similar position - he’s now my ex, and can no longer spoil everything or put me down (in my house at least!)

IdblowJonSnow · 04/12/2019 09:43

He's either a piece of work or a bit dim.
Or both.
I'm thinking both!
Is everything ok otherwise?

DappledThings · 04/12/2019 09:47

DC2's birthday is just before Christmas and DC1 has brought her his own present this year. He is really excited and twice tried to tell her what it is but after an explanation of why it's exciting to have birthdays as a surprise he has totally got it and not done it again.

He is 3 and he has managed to take this on board. An adult not being able to do so is just being a twat.

Howlovely · 04/12/2019 09:48

Reanimated has it exactly right I think. Excusing this mean behaviour by saying, he just can't keep a secret, is just giving him a pass to be a spiteful turd. Of course he can keep a secret, he is an adult. The fact is he chooses not to because he cares more about how that makes him feel than how the recipient of the surprise will feel when they see that surprise. It's deliberate and cruel and all about him. I'd be really, really fed up with him and I'd be letting him know loud and clear too.

SunshineCake · 04/12/2019 09:54

Tell him what his present is

Don't buy him anything as he clearly doesn't get the joy of Christmas.

Never tell him again what you buy for the children.

Tell him to grow the fuck up.

He doesn't care about upsetting his child as long as he exerts his dick over you. Horrible.

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