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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my brother?

65 replies

Alte · 03/12/2019 23:16

My brother and his fiancée sent out invitations for their wedding next summer. They've said it's child free. Fine, personal preferences. They then asked if my DC could look after their cousins! My DC will be 15 and almost 13 at the time, cousins will be 5 and 3. Especially surprising since the 3 year old is brother's child so you'd think she'd be allowed to attend. The wedding is around an hour from our house and my DC are very responsible with their cousins, but AIBU to say we won't let the cousins come to our house for the 2 days (will be a late wedding with lots of alcohol so can't go home on the night)? DH and I will be going as leaving DC is not the issue here (we think at that age they shouldn't be excluded anyway, but that's another story), but surely there are other childcare options that don't involve a 15 year old essentially being in charge of 3 kids overnight? I'm sure my kids would be willing to do it, both sets of parents are happy to leave them, my eldest can cook etc, but something's telling me it's not right...

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/12/2019 23:17

Say no.

maddy68 · 03/12/2019 23:20

Are you leaving your 15 year old alone overnight? I wouldn't

Just say that you have made arrangements for your children to be looked after elsewhere while you attend the wedding so they will be unable to look after their children

ivykaty44 · 03/12/2019 23:26

Cf

Say your children might want to visit friends for sleep overs and in any case it’s to much responsibility for a 15 year old to look after a 3 year old over night, therefore they’ll need to make other arrangements for children or they won’t be able to attend

Winterdaysarehere · 03/12/2019 23:28

My ds is 15. He babysits siblings but no way overnight.
Too much responsibility imo.
Your db is a cf.
Tell him you have arranged overnight care for your dc with an adult and suggests he does the same.

Chocolateandchats · 03/12/2019 23:29

No chance. My 16 year old would never be left alone overnight, let alone looking after more children. Say no, it’s unfair to put that on your DC.

mummmy2017 · 03/12/2019 23:31

Tell him it is not legal to do this.
So your saying no.
That your children are going to relatives on your other half a side.

saraclara · 03/12/2019 23:31

No. Way too much responsibility.

The groom's child isn't allowed at the wedding? WTF?

changeforprivacy · 03/12/2019 23:32

Neither of you are BU

He has asked, you can say no.

sauvignonblancplz · 03/12/2019 23:32

I think that’s too much and really rude.

blackteasplease · 03/12/2019 23:34

No way! 15 is too young for that.

Feelingstupid123456789101112 · 03/12/2019 23:34

Wtf. If you’re attending overnight, you’ll need childcare for your own children but he expects your children to look after his? Overnight? Tell him to bugger off. My two are the same age as yours, almost 15 and 13. Both are responsible, sensible, can cook etc. Wouldn’t dream of leaving them overnight, especially in charge of other young children.

Shesalittlemadam · 03/12/2019 23:34

@Chocolateandchats Crikey! I lived alone at 16!

converseandjeans · 03/12/2019 23:35

YANBU - a 3 yo and 5 yo would be far too much responsibility overnight for a 15 yo. An afternoon perhaps?

2019user44 · 03/12/2019 23:37

Under no circumstances agree. If something went wrong and one of the children was accidentally hurt or became unwell unexpectedly there could be all kinds of ramifications (including legal ramifications). It is irresponsible for them to have asked.

PhoenixReincarnated · 03/12/2019 23:37

YANBU It's unfair to your 15yr old to put that responsibility on them.

Monty27 · 03/12/2019 23:39

Absolutely no way. Shock

GoodDogBellaBoo · 03/12/2019 23:43

Are you even considering this? You must be, since you’re asking.

Original poster
Alte · 03/12/2019 23:43

I didn't think I was BU. My youngest will probably end up going to a friend's house, eldest will have to be alone as she has no friends locally. The only family I've ever had childcare from are my parents and brothers who will obviously be at the wedding, DH's family live the other side of the country so not really possible for them to help so again not an option, but we live in a safe area so she'll be fine for 1 night.

OP posts:
Betterversionofme · 03/12/2019 23:44

No! Unexpected things happen. That will be night when 3 years old will pee bed and 5 years old will vomit. Children will be a bit more stressed/excited as a lot will be happening just before wedding.
I wouldn't even leave 15 and 13 years old together by themselves. 15 years old might feel burdened.
Your brother just doesn't have a deep experience with 13/15 years old and thinks they are way more mature than they really are. They ( teens) are just struggling with learning how to take care of themselves. I suppose they seem very grown up to someone used to a toddler.

plightofthealbatross · 03/12/2019 23:46

I would say no, absolutely not. Completely inappropriate request, especially as it's not an emergency. The have plenty of time to make proper arrangements for their children.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/12/2019 23:48

That is a very cheeky request!

Obviously say no. 15 is too young to care for a very young dc overnight.

Chocolateandchats · 03/12/2019 23:51

@Shesalittlemadam I realise I’m very overprotective 😂 I could justify it but the fact remains.

whyamidoingthis · 03/12/2019 23:51

I would consider you to be irresponsible leaving your 15 year old, and possibly your 12 year old, alone overnight, never mind throwing a 3 and a 5 year old into the mix.

Why don't you take your older child with you? I know she can't go to the wedding but if you're staying in a hotel, I'm sure she'll be able to amuse herself.

Chocolateandchats · 03/12/2019 23:54

If I lived in an area where crime wasn’t high and I felt safe and comfortable the entire time then I might feel differently. I’m sure your 16 year old will be fine but stick to your guns about the childcare.

Seeingadistance · 04/12/2019 00:03

Yeah, just say no.

Do the small children belong to the bride and groom?