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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my brother?

65 replies

Alte · 03/12/2019 23:16

My brother and his fiancée sent out invitations for their wedding next summer. They've said it's child free. Fine, personal preferences. They then asked if my DC could look after their cousins! My DC will be 15 and almost 13 at the time, cousins will be 5 and 3. Especially surprising since the 3 year old is brother's child so you'd think she'd be allowed to attend. The wedding is around an hour from our house and my DC are very responsible with their cousins, but AIBU to say we won't let the cousins come to our house for the 2 days (will be a late wedding with lots of alcohol so can't go home on the night)? DH and I will be going as leaving DC is not the issue here (we think at that age they shouldn't be excluded anyway, but that's another story), but surely there are other childcare options that don't involve a 15 year old essentially being in charge of 3 kids overnight? I'm sure my kids would be willing to do it, both sets of parents are happy to leave them, my eldest can cook etc, but something's telling me it's not right...

OP posts:
NearlyGranny · 04/12/2019 08:11

The younger ones ought to be at their parents' wedding! What do they think pageboy/flower girl outfits are made for?

How very strange to leave them out, even if only one of the parties is parent to each of them.

Oh, and it's an obvious no to a teenager minding three younger ones overnight. Anything could happen and it's not fair to expose her to the risk.

HugoSpritz · 04/12/2019 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jeezoh · 04/12/2019 08:36

So your DC are children for the purpose of being excluded from the wedding but adult enough to provide sole childcare for small children? It’d be a flat no from me, overnight responsibility with no adult back up around is too much to ask. I’m guessing he’s not offered to pay them either Hmm

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/12/2019 08:40

I wouldn't leave my teen overnight at that age so there is no way I would leave him in charge of two young children. They are being more than cheeky.

Obligatorync · 04/12/2019 08:44

The world has changed hasn't it? I regularly babysat other people's children overnight at that age. Now most posters wouldn't even leave their own 15yo overnight...and I probably wouldn't either.
But it's about your family and what you are comfortable with. You're not comfortable, and it's a bit CF of your brother too, so I'd say no, you've already made arrangements for your children.

SnuggyBuggy · 04/12/2019 08:49

At 15 I'd be OK leaving them overnight but it's a bit young for overnight childcare. Your brother is being a cheeky fucker with this one.

funnylittlefloozie · 04/12/2019 08:57

I have no issues leaving a 15/16 year old overnight. My DD was very sensible at that age and she was happy to stay for a night on her own.

I wouldnt want to leave her in sole charge of multiple under-5s though. I agree that your brother is a CF!!

OpportunityKnocks · 04/12/2019 09:02

Your db is a cf and deluded.
Unless your 15yo is used to children this age, its a pretty awful ask.

At 16 I had sole charge overnight of a 6 and 9 year old, but that was built up over time.

A 3yo and 5yo though without any experience, that's pure hell for your 15yo! Without even touching on the safety aspects

Drum2018 · 04/12/2019 09:08

Not a chance in hell I'd agree to this. I'd have no issue with my kids not being invited but I wouldn't have them minding the smaller kids overnight. Just tell your brother that your kids won't be available to babysit as they will probably stay with friends while you're away at the wedding.

Stuffingandsprouts · 04/12/2019 09:16

Guidelines are to not leave under 16 alone overnight so a 15 year old definately shouldn’t be left responsible for a 12,5 & 3 year old. Madness!

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

Perisoire · 04/12/2019 09:29

I would say no because exclusion of a 15yo and 13yo is horrible. I know they need to apply a blanket rule but still feels like exclusion.

Gatehouse77 · 04/12/2019 09:33

I think that's far too much responsibility to put on a 15 year old to include an overnight.

I also don't understand child free weddings. We had 25 at ours and it was fab.

cstaff · 04/12/2019 09:49

So your DC are children for the purpose of being excluded from the wedding but adult enough to provide sole childcare for small children? It’d be a flat no from me, overnight responsibility with no adult back up around is too much to ask. I’m guessing he’s not offered to pay them either hmm

Exactly what @Jeezoh said. Your brother is being a complete CF.

Basecamp65 · 04/12/2019 09:56

We have left my 15year old babysitting a 9 year old and a 3 year old until the early hours but not fully over night - and we always made specific arrangements to have a free sober car driver who could disappear from the event if needed.

I would leave the 15 and 13 year old alone though but if I knew the parents might both be under the influence - like they would be at a wedding I would have a local friend on emergency standby for them to contact if needed.

Original poster
Alte · 04/12/2019 12:38

To everyone that said 15 should be old enough to go - that's what I thought, but he said strictly 18+. I will never understand people like that - you don't want a toddler running around? Understandable. You don't want a 17 year old there? Bit weird if you ask me.

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