Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my brother?

65 replies

Alte · 03/12/2019 23:16

My brother and his fiancée sent out invitations for their wedding next summer. They've said it's child free. Fine, personal preferences. They then asked if my DC could look after their cousins! My DC will be 15 and almost 13 at the time, cousins will be 5 and 3. Especially surprising since the 3 year old is brother's child so you'd think she'd be allowed to attend. The wedding is around an hour from our house and my DC are very responsible with their cousins, but AIBU to say we won't let the cousins come to our house for the 2 days (will be a late wedding with lots of alcohol so can't go home on the night)? DH and I will be going as leaving DC is not the issue here (we think at that age they shouldn't be excluded anyway, but that's another story), but surely there are other childcare options that don't involve a 15 year old essentially being in charge of 3 kids overnight? I'm sure my kids would be willing to do it, both sets of parents are happy to leave them, my eldest can cook etc, but something's telling me it's not right...

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 04/12/2019 00:05

I would leave my 15 and 14 year olds alone over night. I trust them. Thos who are saying they wouldnt, well thats your choice and your children, dont judge the OP.

No way would I leave them in charge of their own 8 year old SISTER overnight though, never mind someone elses kids!

pallisers · 04/12/2019 00:05

Just say

Oh sorry that wouldn't work at all. DC will be staying at their friends' houses for the weekend.

Who leaves a 15 and 13 year old home alone in charge of younger children???? (Well apart from my in laws but in fairness it was the 1970s)

Original poster
Alte · 04/12/2019 00:19

I think brother might be basing it off what it was like when we were their age in the 80s and looked after our brother who would've been 4 at the time. The 5 year old was a really ridiculous request - her parents aren't together so she can very easily stay with her dad! I understand that the 3 year old would be easier as her biological dad's family aren't from the UK and everyone who would usually look after her will be at the wedding, but there must be some way...

OP posts:
Original poster
Alte · 04/12/2019 00:19

*harder not easier!

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 04/12/2019 00:26

15-year-old babysitting 2 under-5s OVERNIGHT with any back-up family support because they're all pissed at a wedding?

Nuh-uh.

That would be a hard no from me.

And yes, the "some way" would be for the bride and groom to sort childcare another way. Really irresponsible of them to even think this was OK.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/12/2019 00:27

I have never been to a wedding where the couples own kids arent there, regardless of whether it is child free for everyone else (always a mistake imo, the couples kids get bored!) Especially if its a blended family, surely they are as much a part of the day as the parents?!

Unless they are more interested in having a big party and looking swanky than making their kids feel included and cared about.........

cordeliavorkosigan · 04/12/2019 00:31

Surely a 15-year-old can come to a no-children wedding? Then you don't even have to leave her overnight alone either. It's a definite no from me too and I think I'm a very laid-back parent, have left 11yo DD with 8yo DD for a couple of hours (with screens on, in touch with us, daytime, we were not far away etc etc).

trumpstoupeefluffer · 04/12/2019 00:34

there are other childcare options that don't involve a 15 year old essentially being in charge of 3 kids overnight?

I happily live in an alternative universe - at 14/15 I was regularly babysitting for family/friends and this was the norm?

VanyaHargreeves · 04/12/2019 00:36

Huge and lengthy responsibility on the 15 yo shoulders and very risky/dangerous in terms of illness or injury if all trusted adults are 1 hr away pissed.

NoSquirrels · 04/12/2019 00:37

at 14/15 I was regularly babysitting for family/friends and this was the norm?

Sole charge overnight? When all your back-up adults are away? For multiple under 5s for 24 hours or so?

trumpstoupeefluffer · 04/12/2019 00:42

Who leaves a 15 and 13 year old home alone in charge of younger children???? (Well apart from my in laws but in fairness it was the 1970s)

What bollix - As said at 15 I was in charge of younger kids as were most of my friends - I certainly didn't come from a 'disadvantaged family'

This places is bloody nuts [gives first biscuit]

steppemum · 04/12/2019 00:43

I wouldn't have a problem leaving my kids at that age, but there is no way they would be babysitting for more than a couple of hours. Not even all day, and no way overnight.
In fact I think as a general rule bbaysitters should be 16 anyway

Very unreasonable request

trumpstoupeefluffer · 04/12/2019 00:45

*NoSquirrels Wed 04-Dec-19 00:37:50
at 14/15 I was regularly babysitting for family/friends and this was the norm?

Sole charge overnight? When all your back-up adults are away? For multiple under 5s for 24 hours or so?*

Shock horror yes! My parents would think they'd done a bloody bad job if at 15 I wasn't unable to look after a group of 5 year olds

steppemum · 04/12/2019 00:46

and yes I babysat friends kids form age 13, but that was 30 years ago, and my parents were on hand round the corner

Charliecatpaws · 04/12/2019 00:50

When my DCwere that age I wouldn’t even go to the pub for a night and leave them alone, there no way they should look after your DB’s kids. However if you feel that your 16yo is mature enough to leave while the younger one stays with friends I see no problem with this. At 16 I know that my DS1 would have coped, I wouldn’t have trusted them together

Chlosavxox · 04/12/2019 00:51

No ones being unreasonable IMO. All he did was ask, and you're not okay with it so tell him no Smile obviously if he causes a fuss about you saying no then he's bu

SurvivingCBeebies · 04/12/2019 01:05

I would only be happy for them to babysit like this would be at the venue... they could load them all up with pizza and new movies in the next room.. that way they always have staff on site if something troubling does happen.

TiggerOfThigh · 04/12/2019 01:13

I was raising two children at 15...but I think I’m the exception to that rule, rather than the norm.
I wouldn’t leave them either, it’s just too much risk when they aren’t your children.

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 04/12/2019 01:30

I wouldnt leave my 15 year old alone overnight much less leave small kids in their care.

Oldishusernewname · 04/12/2019 01:41

Bloody hell, my just turned 15 year old is a six foot 2, responsible young man who is more than capable of shopping and cooking for himself and has been left overnight several times, wouldn't think twice about it and he is the baby of the family. My dad was in the navy at 15!

I wouldn't dream of leaving him with a couple of under 5s though, for his sake as much as anything else, that's madness

notangelinajolie · 04/12/2019 01:58

So they aren't inviting children. Which conveniently means that your children will be free to look after their children. How convenient.

Umm no. Too much responsibility. And besides how would you ever be able to relax knowing you DC are looking after two under fives. And mores the point how could 1) they relax 2) your brother not have his child there and 3) leave is his child in the responsibility of another child.

I will say it again. No. Just no.

Clearnightsky · 04/12/2019 02:16

No don’t do it.

That’s way too long for mid teenagers to cope with young ones. They are being CFs and lazy parents.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/12/2019 02:25

I think your DB is being pretty cheeky - I wouldn’t want to babysit for an uncle who didn’t think I was good enough to invite to the wedding and I wouldn’t expect my DC to want to either. If he thinks your DC are responsible enough to look after his infant aged child (and another younger one!) overnight he should think they’re responsible enough to attend the wedding. Overnight babysitting, especially with known adults all a distance away is adult responsibility. Teenagers are becoming adults and some of them are ready and capable of that responsibility earlier than others - I would have been fine at 15 to do that, my DH would not. But if they’re going to be given the responsibility they should get the advantages too - like an invite to the wedding.

.

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/12/2019 02:41

Nah..

Also, if I were the 15 year old I would be monumentally pissed at being considered at the same time a 'child'.. too young to attend wedding and yet an 'adult' ie, old enough to be responsible for small children.

So that would be a big fuck the fuck off from 15 year old me!

whyamidoingthis · 04/12/2019 07:58

I would leave my 15 and 14 year olds alone over night. I trust them. Thos who are saying they wouldnt, well thats your choice and your children, dont judge the OP.

It's not about trusting the children. It's the fact that the 15 year has no back up if something (illness or whatever) happens and all family are hours away, unable to drive as they have been drinking.