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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or should I expect more from my DP on my bday

63 replies

ladyofearlybedtimes · 03/12/2019 14:00

It's my birthday today and my partner has a commitment this evening which he can't get out of (annoying, but that's life), but he's now not sure if he will come over to me after at 8:30 as he has a 400 page essay to write due in the 5/12/19.
I feel a bit let down as he does have all of tomorrow day and evening to write it and I have easily written a 1000 word essay in a day.
I'm at work today and as a way of apology he could of sent me some flowers, but he hasn't bothered.
I saw him at the weekend and we went out for dinner for my bday which I had a card and present, but today is my actual birthday and it looks like i'll be spending it on my own.
Last year he lied about having an important uni commitment for my birthday and went to football instead, which he apologised a lot for, but I feel i'm being mugged off again.
I'm tempted to just tell him to stick it.

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 03/12/2019 14:04

I couldn't get too worked up about this - some people aren't that bothered about birthdays generally. You have had a card, present and birthday dinner - maybe cut him some slack? Not everyone finds essay writing that easy!

Sprinklemetinsel · 03/12/2019 14:05

Really it's not about what is or isn't reasonable. It's about what you want. This kind of thing doesn't get better over time, but worse.

What do you want out of life?

Sirzy · 03/12/2019 14:06

I think as an adult sometimes you have to accept that you can’t always spend your actual birthday celebrating. You have already been out and he has given you a present so I do think you are being unreasonable really

AryaStarkWolf · 03/12/2019 14:09

Just because you're not celebrating with him doesn't mean you can't celebrate at all though does it? Why don't you go out with friends or family instead? You already did a birthday thing with your OH

PurpleDaisies · 03/12/2019 14:09

I understand why you’re disappointed. Unfortunately, as an adult, you sometimes have to celebrate your birthday on a different day.

Original poster
ladyofearlybedtimes · 03/12/2019 14:11

I think i'm still worked up about the let down last year. I thought he would make more of an effort?

OP posts:
RedPandaFluff · 03/12/2019 14:11

I think YAB a little bit U - you celebrated your birthday at the weekend, when it suited you both.

I'm curious as to why you can't spend your birthday with family or friends? It's not healthy to depend entirely on one person.

Having said all that, if he's been a bit slippery in the past, I can understand why you're feeling a bit uneasy.

Original poster
ladyofearlybedtimes · 03/12/2019 14:12

I have a child at home with me, So come 7pm i'm stuck at home.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 03/12/2019 14:14

Didn’t he make an effort this weekend?

misspiggy19 · 03/12/2019 14:16

YABU

I saw him at the weekend and we went out for dinner for my bday which I had a card and present, but today is my actual birthday and it looks like i'll be spending it on my own.

You have already celebrated it with him and that was at the weekend.

LilacIris · 03/12/2019 14:17

I’m guessing that after last year he knows it’s important to you to celebrate your birthday. I would also assume he could done his essay before now so if I’m right, YANBU.

LilacIris · 03/12/2019 14:17

Happy birthday Gin

Original poster
ladyofearlybedtimes · 03/12/2019 14:19

The meal was arranged by me, I asked him to book it, but he didn't so I booked it.

OP posts:
Iggleonkupsy · 03/12/2019 14:20

You've already celebrated with him..It is my birthday in a couple of weeks and I'll be working and then have my own evening commitment that i can't get out of..it sucks but it is life.
A 400 page essay is massive. I naturally leave things to the last minute, I can't help it, it is how my brain functions the best so in his shoes I'd be rushing around too..
400 pages is a hell of a lot more than 1000 words.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/12/2019 14:21

I have a child at home with me, So come 7pm i'm stuck at home.

What about inviting a friend/mother/sister/brother over for take away and a glass of wine or something?

The meal was arranged by me, I asked him to book it, but he didn't so I booked it.

Ah, I can see why you're a bit upset if that's the case, combined with last year maybe seems a bit like you aren't a big priority? Is it just a birthday thing or does he do stuff like that in other ways/situations?

BaronessBomburst · 03/12/2019 14:22

How old is your child? You can celebrate with them. Blow up balloons, set the table and have a special meal with party food, crisps, cake etc.

And you shouldn't still be hung up about last year. Let it go, or let him go. Don't waste your life being bitter and pissed off.
And Happy Birthday! Cake

PippiDeLena · 03/12/2019 14:23

YANBU he sounds completely thoughtless. Do you make such little effort on his birthday?

Happy birthday! Flowers Try to treat yourself, maybe get a takeaway and invite some friends around.

wildcherries · 03/12/2019 14:25

He has a deadline in two days, and you went out at the weekend. I'd let it go and call up a friend instead.

Hotseat · 03/12/2019 14:25

I think you are BU, if you were a child or young teen then ok. You got your celebration at the weekend. If you are still stewing over LAST tear, then I think you have bigger issues.

Foghead · 03/12/2019 14:28

Have a little party with your dc and any family or friends that live nearby. Maybe let your dc choose a gift for you.
Get cake and some nice food.
Don’t rely on others to make you happy.

RJnomore1 · 03/12/2019 14:28

I think you meant 400 words not pages op?

Happy birthday 🎂 that’s rubbish being alone but if he’s studying he’s got an eye to the future abd that’s not a bad thing eh. Lying last year was really shitty though but you’re a year down the road so if you’re still with him then hopefully you can get past that.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 03/12/2019 14:28

I think you're right that him lying to you and not seeing you last year (which is shit and I, who am not bothered at all by birthdays, would be very upset about this as it's a lie) has probably clouded your judgement and you may be being a bit unreasonable now.

He did make the effort maybe just not on your actual birthday but its probably nicer to celebrate on a weekend night anyway for a lot of people?

Was the essay only set recently or has he known about it for ages?

TisTheSeasonToBeJollyFaLaLa · 03/12/2019 14:28

A 400 page essay is a thesis in length and it’s a little bit longer than 1000 words. Is it a thesis he is writing? If you are asking him to take the evening off 2 days before his deadline I think you are being ridiculous.

Vulpine · 03/12/2019 14:30

I think thats shit. He shoulda organised his time better.

diddl · 03/12/2019 14:36

Well if he's busy then he is.

I sometimes have to plan/arrange what I want o do as I have more time to do it.

I wouldn't still be seeing him after last year though tbh.

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