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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or should I expect more from my DP on my bday

63 replies

ladyofearlybedtimes · 03/12/2019 14:00

It's my birthday today and my partner has a commitment this evening which he can't get out of (annoying, but that's life), but he's now not sure if he will come over to me after at 8:30 as he has a 400 page essay to write due in the 5/12/19.
I feel a bit let down as he does have all of tomorrow day and evening to write it and I have easily written a 1000 word essay in a day.
I'm at work today and as a way of apology he could of sent me some flowers, but he hasn't bothered.
I saw him at the weekend and we went out for dinner for my bday which I had a card and present, but today is my actual birthday and it looks like i'll be spending it on my own.
Last year he lied about having an important uni commitment for my birthday and went to football instead, which he apologised a lot for, but I feel i'm being mugged off again.
I'm tempted to just tell him to stick it.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 03/12/2019 14:37

I’ve never seen a word limit given in pages before. That’s odd.

Bluetrews25 · 03/12/2019 14:47

400 pages is not an essay, it's a bloody novel!

PurpleDaisies · 03/12/2019 14:49

I wonder if it’s meant to be 4000 words not 400 pages.

Original poster
ladyofearlybedtimes · 03/12/2019 14:49

Sorry I meant 400 words not pages. It's been set for ages, he's left it until last min as usual. He's in a habit of staying up stupid hours atm gaming and then struggling to function the next day. I think my problem is i'm not sure the 400 word essay is genuine and maybe it's just an excuse as he would prefer to game instead.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 03/12/2019 14:50

400 words is one side of typed A4. It’s a long paragraph. It’s a stretch to call that an essay. Confused

Original poster
ladyofearlybedtimes · 03/12/2019 14:51

It's too late to plan anything else, my friends are all married with children and my child is in bed by 7, so once I get him from work it's bath and bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
ladyofearlybedtimes · 03/12/2019 14:52

@PurpleDaisies my thoughts exactly.

OP posts:
Jupiters · 03/12/2019 14:52

Initially I thought you were behind a tiny bit unreasonable, although I can understand why as is be upset if my DH made me feel like my birthday was unimportant. But then I saw the last bit about him lying about last year's birthday... That changed everything completely for me... He is showing you exactly how (un)important you are to him.

FrancisCrawford · 03/12/2019 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vulpine · 03/12/2019 14:53

he games all night and ignores your birthday. Hes a keeper

Original poster
ladyofearlybedtimes · 03/12/2019 14:55

He's all for commitment, he proposed this year and i'm pregnant. We are looking at houses to buy next year.

OP posts:
damnthatanxiety · 03/12/2019 14:56

Iggleonkupsy come on....clearly it was a typo. A 400 PAGE essay would be a book. A big book.

jess3817 · 03/12/2019 14:56

Happy birthday! It's mine today too!😀 similarly, we celebrated my birthday at the weekend, we haven't done anything special today, just my parents coming round with birthday cake after the kids are in from school - I have four, so not going out today either. I hope you had a lovely meal out together at the weeknd - though 400 words doesn't sound like it'd take long to write.

Blanca87 · 03/12/2019 14:57

I would tell him to bolt. I am not a birthday person but what you describe is a bit shit. I HATE this saying but I don't think he is that into you. Sorry. Start your new birthday year with someone that deserves your love, your child. Life's too short for uder-par relationships.

Original poster
ladyofearlybedtimes · 03/12/2019 14:59

@jess3817 happy birthday to you too :)
I don't expect anything special I just wanted to spend my evening cuddled up on the sofa with my boyfriend. He's had all day to write 400 bloody words. I have probably written more in this post ffs

OP posts:
Lipperfromchipper · 03/12/2019 14:59

Expectations are premeditated resentments OP. Happy birthday 💐

Babdoc · 03/12/2019 14:59

Sorry, OP, I agree with the PPs. I think you’re more into him than he is into you. And I’d question why you want to be with a chap who prefers both football and gaming to your company, doesn’t prioritise your birthday, tells lies, struggles to meet deadlines and has a borderline gaming addiction. Surely there’s a better man out there for you somewhere than him?

ActualHornist · 03/12/2019 15:00

He had to write 400 words and can’t do that in an hour?

I think YABU because you’ve already had your celebration, but I’d be pissed off with that rubbish excuse.

Blanca87 · 03/12/2019 15:01

Fuck, I've just seen your pregnant by him....

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 03/12/2019 15:10

A proposal and pregnancy is not commitment. It's just narrowing down your escape opportunities, I'm afraid. You're tied to him for 18 years now. Sad

FrancisCrawford · 03/12/2019 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PuppyMonkey · 03/12/2019 15:38

I’ve written MN posts in ten seconds longer than 400 words.Grin

That does sound like a bit of a crap excuse.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 03/12/2019 15:40

Happy Birthday Thanks
Yeah I would definitely be annoyed with him, especially after what he did last year! You should tell him how you feel

mclover · 03/12/2019 15:40

It is shit. Give him a taste of his own medicine and do NOTHING for his birthday. Nothing at all. He'll likely feel put out and then he'll learn

Confusedbeetle · 03/12/2019 15:41

Birthdays are never a big deal in our house, we just ignore them