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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel annoyed and upset me and the kids were sloppy seconds on birthday playdate

100 replies

Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 02/12/2019 20:39

Just got a random message from a mum i know, saying its her sons birthday tomorrow and she with her baby boy are going to a venue. Would i like to come? I say yes and ask for more details. Turns out i was only invited as previous person and their 2 kids got chickenpox. Annoying thing is this soft toy had some special pre book tickets and i suggested meeting up before and she hasn't even tried to set anything up. Im quite hurt so should i accept.

OP posts:

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 02/12/2019 22:27

Go, as you said the kids will enjoy it and it will give you more of a chance to socialise and get to know the group of mothers. It can be difficult finding your place in an established group, but it's not impossible.

People suggesting accepting and then not going? Why bother? Accept and go, or decline. Anything else is juvenile in the extreme. Jesus, I honestly do hope that a sizeable portion of MN posters are 14-15 years old.

TheMistressQuickly · 02/12/2019 22:35

“Annoying thing is this soft toy had some special pre book tickets and i suggested meeting up before and she hasn't even tried to set anything up“

Huh? Could somebody explain this to me please

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 02/12/2019 22:46

TheMistressQuickly,

The party is already paid for for a specific number. No refund for the parents if someone doesn't show up. 2 kids have chicken pox. OP's 2 children have been called in from the subs bench.

OP feels a bit peeved because she has attempted to arrange meeting up before and party mother hasn't seemed keen.

Although we're all guilty of saying "we must meet up" and then not!

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 02/12/2019 22:47

It depends if you want to cut off your nose to spite your face.

Will you have a nice time? Will your children? Do you like the person and do you want to build a friendship with her?

Or do you want to take the huff because you are not currently, already her best friend because you've only just met her?

saraclara · 02/12/2019 22:55

I'd be pretty happy to be a recent friend's second choice!

TheMistressQuickly · 02/12/2019 23:07

Thanks villain. I think it was the ‘soft toy’ that threw me. What’s she on about?

minipie · 02/12/2019 23:11

Auto correct for soft play ?

ladyflower23 · 02/12/2019 23:11

Just jumping in to say that I also did not know where sloppy seconds came from until today! I'm sure I've heard it used quite a few times in day to day life so I think it might be one of those sayings that a lot of people don't realise how it originated and use it innocently. Think I may have got it from my mum who has led a sheltered life and definitely wouldn't know. She called someone a twat once and I had to explain to her what it is 😂

MerchantOfVenom · 02/12/2019 23:14

So presumably she asked an old, good friend first.

They couldn't come.

And now she's asked you.

That's pretty complimentary, in anyone's book, I'd've thought?!

Yestermost · 02/12/2019 23:19

Don't feel bad OP my Mum used sloppy seconds and glory hole in the same conversion. I had to inform her of both meanings to most people in a fricking cafe. 😂

MyOtherProfile · 02/12/2019 23:26

I'd agree to go then 30 mins before your due to be there say something's come up and you can't make it, that way she won't have time to find a 3rd best.

This is probably the meanest thing I've read on MN. Do you always try and spoil other children's birthdays when their parents invite you out?

OP I hope you have a lovely time and bond with this family.

Interestedwoman · 02/12/2019 23:42

It's a bit annoying that you were second choice, but IMO you should go. Give the friendships between you all a chance to develop.

DioneTheDiabolist · 02/12/2019 23:54

I will go, as i know the kids will have a great time.
Good decision OP. Hope you all have a great time. And as an added bonus, you and other Mnetters have learnt what this horrible phrase means.

Result!

Unusualsuspicion · 03/12/2019 00:18

"I'd agree to go then 30 mins before your due to be there say something's come up and you can't make it, that way she won't have time to find a 3rd best."

I'm agog that there are actual adults who are this vindictively childish and unpleasant. How very dare this poor woman have more than one friend and arrange an activity without inviting every single one of them.

Anyone actually tempted to follow such unpleasant advice should not be surprised in the least if they soon end up with no friends at all. What staggering neediness!

Unusualsuspicion · 03/12/2019 00:20

Luckily for OP you are obviously more sensible than some of the people on this thread! I hope you have a good time. You are not second best, people don't have a strict rank order of friends!

Sizeofalentil · 03/12/2019 00:31

Some replies to this thread are actually demented. Don't listen to the posters telling you to accept then cancel last minute to passive aggressively punish her

I'd rather be someone's second choice than not invited or thought of at all. It means she likes you and it's a branch of friendship

MerchantOfVenom · 03/12/2019 02:39

I actually went up to see who made that comment about cancelling half an hour before.

Who thinks that, let alone writes it?

Bitter and twisted doesn't even begin to cover it - I can't imagine that poster is troubled by many invitations for anything.

Creepster · 03/12/2019 03:14

Sloppy seconds is a rape joke.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 03/12/2019 03:24

Will your child enjoy it? If so then go and try not to overthink it. Can't tell you how many social occasions I have motivated myself to attend because I know it will be fun for my children.

JolieOBrien · 03/12/2019 03:59

I remember being invited to a evening reception by a business associate. He was marrying a much younger woman, silly old fool (they are now divorced). He rang us a week before and said it was a mistake and we should have been invited to the day ... pull the other one it has bells on it. We went because it was business and also a nice venue with free drinks etc.

redcarbluecar · 03/12/2019 04:10

Unless she’s your best friend and/or she’s clearly trying to make some sort of bitchy point by inviting you second, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what she’s done and agree with PP that it might be a good chance to build friendship. Depends how much you fancy going I suppose.

cantfindname · 03/12/2019 04:26

It'll be your child missing out if you give way to your 'hurt' feelings, not you.

Newmumma83 · 03/12/2019 04:32

@Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed hey if you are the only other friend she has asked that puts you pretty high on her list.

Go try to enjoy self and see if you actually like this woman, if you are destined to be friends this is your opportunity to bond.

Sorry to here you have other worries and stresses , sometimes these things can impact on our self confidence and how you perceive intentions of others , but only do what makes you happy op life is too short

BlouseAndSkirt · 03/12/2019 05:48

I feel really depressed by the number if people who would take this personally and see it as hurtful / a snub.

The woman invited ONE person. Why get in a huff because you weren’t that initial ONE?

This is the kind of thing that makes socialising a nightmare. Touchy people who get offended.

SpiderCharlotte · 03/12/2019 09:25

OP I think you're being a little silly. Circumstances are important here - if I had arranged something like this and the invitees couldn't come I would probably message another friend to say 'Hi we're off to ..... later - got free tickets now as we were supposed to be going with but they're ill. No worries if you can't make it, I know it's short notice!'.

I see no issue with that and have both issued and received invitations like that with no bad feeling either way.

I wouldn't do that if I had invited people round for dinner and they cancelled that morning (for example) I would just cancel in those circumstances. But in the circs you mention, I see no issue.

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