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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed and upset me and the kids were sloppy seconds on birthday playdate

100 replies

Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 02/12/2019 20:39

Just got a random message from a mum i know, saying its her sons birthday tomorrow and she with her baby boy are going to a venue. Would i like to come? I say yes and ask for more details. Turns out i was only invited as previous person and their 2 kids got chickenpox. Annoying thing is this soft toy had some special pre book tickets and i suggested meeting up before and she hasn't even tried to set anything up. Im quite hurt so should i accept.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/12/2019 21:05

"""Im never going to be first choice, as im a recent friend. If we ever bump into each other in any other groups they mainly stick together. And i do try and talk but kinda get frozen out."""
If she invited you, it means that although you were not first choice as she'd originally invited someone she knows better - she still thought of you as someone she'd like to spend time with. Not as a means of insulting you and illustrating your place in the pecking order.
This is your chance to get to know them better so why not take it - but only if you approach it in the right frame of mind. At the very least your DC might enjoy it.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/12/2019 21:05

“Hi Lizzie, It’s Fred’s birthday tomorrow and we were due to go to soft play with Lucy and Jack to celebrate. Unfortunately they have got chicken pox and I’ve already bought the tickets. Don’t Suppose you fancy a free trip to soft play? I’ll even throw in lunch!”

I really wouldn’t have a problem with that type of message.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 02/12/2019 21:06

YABU for the phrase 'sloppy seconds

This^

Original poster
Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 02/12/2019 21:06

Ok! I cant change title. So i agree that phrase was not what i thought it was! EmbarrassedBlushCrown Confused. So i mean seconds. Please read my other replies as well!!! Well its taken me about 40 odd years to learn that thank you vipers Xmas Grin

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 02/12/2019 21:08

So it’s normal to have a seconds list for children’s birthday parties?! Oh how times have changed.
I find it appalling and no, I wouldn’t go if I were you.

TheOrigFV45 · 02/12/2019 21:08

When you say 'turns out' do you mean she told you herself that the other children had chicken pox, or you found out some other way?
I think if she was upfront about you being a last minute invitation, which is obvious anyway, from the last minute arrangement, then I think it's all open and fine and you need to understand that this is how it works.

Apart from really close friendships, you can't take things personally when it comes to children's birthday invitations.

XXMansplainShieldActive · 02/12/2019 21:09

Well at least the thread improved your lexicon!

Be busy (and never use that phrase again!)

AliciaFleas · 02/12/2019 21:10

YABU to think of yourself as a minge.

Tell her Tuesday is the day you clean your bins/toilet/windows, so its a no from you.

Original poster
Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 02/12/2019 21:11

I might use it again, ha but only in the correct way ;-). Is there a male version of it?

OP posts:
AppropriateAdult · 02/12/2019 21:11

So it’s normal to have a seconds list for children’s birthday parties?! Oh how times have changed.
I find it appalling and no, I wouldn’t go if I were you.

But it wasn’t really a birthday party, as such - more like a playdate, and now she has an extra ticket, and has offered it to the OP instead. If you were going to a concert with a friend and they had to drop out, wouldn’t you ask another friend if they wanted to come?

Original poster
Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 02/12/2019 21:12

Im not sure if people are voting on my choice of words or the grammer 😂

OP posts:
delilabell · 02/12/2019 21:13

37 years and 3months before I realised what the phrase meant either op Blush

SpiderCharlotte · 02/12/2019 21:13

I'm 52 and didn't know that's what sloppy seconds meant. Every day's a school day! Grin

TheOrigFV45 · 02/12/2019 21:14

So it’s normal to have a seconds list for children’s birthday parties?! Oh how times have changed.

I've done this once; for a football party my son was having. He needed an even number. I was able to be tactful and invite a boy not in his year at school but in his football team (outside of school) and felt able to tell the Dad. Yeah, it would have been a bit awkward to invite another lad from his class if he had obviously not been originally invited.

WineGummyBear · 02/12/2019 21:14
Shock

I'm sure I've only heard that phrase in the movie Grease. No idea it was so rude

longleggedgal · 02/12/2019 21:14

I'd agree to go then 30 mins before your due to be there say something's come up and you can't make it, that way she won't have time to find a 3rd best.

Original poster
Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 02/12/2019 21:14

Crown Grin glad im not alone in my ignorance!! Ha ha. X

OP posts:
XXMansplainShieldActive · 02/12/2019 21:15

I might use it again - really don't, it is sexist and demeaning.

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/12/2019 21:16

So on her DC's birthday she had arranged to go to a soft play with a friend and her children. Friend's children got chickenpox so she asked if you were available and wanted to go?

If I've read that right YABVU. That's not thoughtless or nasty of her at all. She had a low key activity planned with her DC, friend and friend's DC. When friend couldn't make it she asked around if others were available. And you were on her list of people to ask. Hardly a snub. Just normal, everyday rearranging when someone (understandably, in this case) drops out of a planned tripped.

It's a great opportunity to make closer connections with her if you are interested in doing so. If you're not and/or it's not your sort of thing then just say no. If she already had it arranged and you are trying to add on to the invite with suggestions for meeting up beforehand she may just not have the flexibility to accommodate that when it's something that had already been planned. Just as you might not have had the flexibility to go, being asked late in the day. It doesn't have to mean anything bad at all.

(Also, as others have mentioned - perhaps look up the meaning of the phrase "sloppy seconds" before you use it again.)

Paddy1234 · 02/12/2019 21:17

I would go and think nothing of it ❤️

Original poster
Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 02/12/2019 21:19

I am joking, thats why i said about if there was a male version! If you see my other old thread about sanpro and trans ideology attacking female identity then its clear im not one for using hateful terms about woman!

OP posts:
Dustarr73 · 02/12/2019 21:20

I would go.Its not like its a huge party planned and you where a last minute invite.Looks like it was low key and she was letdown,so asked you.

LellyMcKelly · 02/12/2019 21:21

I’d be delighted for a free trip and a play date. There’s no obligation and you’re not required to return the favour. If you’d want to go anyway, what have you got to lose?

gobbynorthernbird · 02/12/2019 21:22

I'm keeping my childishness about sloppy seconds to myself for the moment.

OP, I think you should go. It's not like 20 other kids were invited, yours wasn't, but now you're making up numbers.

BettyIsABoy · 02/12/2019 21:24

Omg I just thought that phrase meant second best. And sloppy as in careless, lazy.

Oops!