Lost it and swore at young DD

[EeeyMacarena]

Hi all. Name changed for this as I’m so upset and ashamed 😢

DD is 10 months old and in the midst of teething, so is spectacularly grumpy. She was refusing to sleep, even after Calpol and teething gel, so in desperation I put her in the pram and took her for a walk around town, which normally sends her off to sleep if nothing else works. She cried for the entire 15/20 minute walk and was getting more and more worked up with each minute.

I stopped and, thinking maybe she was hungry, I took her out of her pram and attempted to feed her, but she just kicked and thrashed and cried even more. I then tried to put her back in her pram but she arched her back, shrieked, and was rolling around like a crocodile which made it nigh on impossible to get the straps over her.

I admit that at this point I was at the end of my tether. She had been crying for most of the day and I was exhausted. But that’s no excuse. As she continued to roll around I exclaimed ‘FFS DD’s name! Will you stop?!’. I didn’t shout it but it was louder than my normal speaking voice. She didn’t take much notice but continued to scream and thrash. Eventually I managed to strap her in and I just walked around and around town with her, and eventually she fell asleep.

I felt guilty and regretful as soon as I said it, and now I feel so bad I know she was only crying because she was tired/in pain. I mean, like most mums I’ve gotten frustrated with her before, but I’ve never sworn AT her before Feeling like a pretty awful mum right now. I would never hurt her and it never crossed my mind to, but the fact that I could get angry enough to swear at her....

Please say I’m not alone in this and others have done this

You are not alone in this. It's not ideal, is it? And it's not ok, but I would venture to say most of us have done this at some point. She didn't understand, and she's all right.

Don’t worry OP. She doesn’t understand what you said and it’s not like she’ll remember! Being a mum is hard, we all have our bad moments; moments where we think ‘oh god, I shouldn’t have done that!’. She’s only 10 months- you have at least another 18 years of stress and emotion ahead of you! She’ll still love you no matter what though and she’ll know you still love her

There’s a reason this book exists. Don’t be hard on yourself OP. Most of us have dropped an F bomb whilst parenting from time to time. It’s better to do it before they can memorise it and repeat it back

Not sure if pic posted

We have all had days like this and in this instance you're lucky she wont remember. She is only a baby and can't communicate that she's in pain, and maybe try to remember that it must be pretty shite for her when you feel yourself getting worked up. Whenever I feel like I'm getting really tense and may shout, I try to emphasize with the kids. As hard as that may be.

Dont worry and draw a line under it. X

I have no doubt a few people will one along to say they have never sworn at their children, but I suspect most people in sheer frustration have muttered exactly the same words as you did OP. Dont beat yourself up over it. We all lose it occasionally, and it doesn't have any reflection on your parenting skills.

When my son was about 4 weeks old it was 2 in the morning and he’d been screaming and crying at about 200 decibels for hours. I was still In pain from giving birth, BFing wasn’t going well, I was trying to change his nappy while he screamed and I yelled - actually yelled - ‘shut up! shut the fuck up!’ at him. That’s right, I yelled at a defenceless tiny newborn.

I still feel so ashamed when I think about it. But tbh I think most parents have done it, or something similar. Please don’t beat yourself up.

Oh dear Lord. I swore at the 3 yr old today. He had been on full annoying mode all morning (pester/whinge/argue/repeat), im sleep deprived, DD and i just got home from 2 weeks in hospital including a scary stint in intensive care.... im not going to beat myself up over it. It cleared the air a bit tbh, the rest of the day was better!

I shouted "why are you such a fucking arsehole?" At my toddler the other day after he had kicked me really hard for no reason. I didn't mean to. It flew out of my mouth. And
then I stood there with my mouth open shocked for about 2 minutes catching flies before snapping into parenting mode. A brief time out, a reminder of what he'd done wrong and what's expected of him, back to normal life.

He hurt his sibling and I told him I hated him a couple of weeks ago. Neither of those things is ideal and I'm not going to win any awards. Most of the time I say things like "stop" and "no" and discipline appropriately. But sometimes I get caught off guard and get cross. I don't hit my kids or scream in their face, I'm not abusive. But sometimes I say things that are not ideal. Tbh I don't think he even heard what I said, and one swear and one 'hate' in a life time of love, affection and attention is not going to amount to anything.

But I still felt bad. It wasn't nice. I was sorry. I wish I had responded better. But that's all we can do, work out how to do it better next time

Oh OP! Don't beat yourself up about this. Your DD didn't even register what you said. I understand why you feel bad but every parent on the planet has lost the plot st some point when at the end of their tether. I hope that tomorrow is a better day

I really don’t think ur in the minority here. I’ve sworn at one of my kids as a baby after 3 nights of no sleep and constant crying I felt so guilty and still remember 4 years later

Ahhh don’t worry OP. I think the majority of us have done it.
I’ve got 2 dds who bicker constantly. From the minute they get up until they go to bed. About 5-6 years ago we were on holiday so with them 24/7 and they were bickering as usual. I’m afraid I lost it and told them to shut the fuck up! Not proud but the look on their faces was priceless. They did shut up though!

You didn’t swear at her really. You swore in front of her. If you’d have said ‘Stop you little fucker’ that would’ve been swearing at her.

We’ve all reached the end of our tether with small DC. Don’t feel bad. You haven’t harmed her in any way. Treat this as a learning curve. The next time you feel this way take a breath. When I needed to I did breathing exercises (which sounds twee but did actually help) locked in the loo for two minutes.

Oh my goodness please stop beating yourself up. You sound like a great mum who understandable reached her limit today. We've all been there xxx

Thank you all! DD is normally very happy and rarely cries to the extent she did today, so she must have really been suffering. She’s now fast asleep in bed so no harm done, although of course I still feel awful.

My 2.5ds pulled xmas tree down round him yesterday,this was after me constantly, on loop telling him not to touch it. There was more than one fuck flew out of my mouth! Took me over an hour to sort out the mangled lights, beads and baubles and straighten branches and redecorate. I felt a little bit guilty until i caught him laughing

Sounds like you’re both having a tough time. We’ve all been there. They go through a huge growth spurt at 10months and it is a hard age.
The fact that you are writing this and reflecting shows what a good mummy you are.
If I ever shout I will always apologise, give cuddles and talk about what happened. Might no be appropriate at this age but it’s a good habit to get into.

Oh my goodness don’t worry. I swear at DS most days. He has a lot of challenging behaviour and there are times where the only way I can deal with it is to call him a little shit or similar - he’s deaf with severe learning difficulties so can’t hear/ understand but the sentiment is still there. Sometimes it’s better to let out your frustration with a swear or shout if it means you can then to be able to continue to manage the difficult behaviour effectively.

Pretty sure nearly everyone has been there - and probably a lot sooner than you!

No biggie! We’ve all done it!

I’ve also sworn out of sheer frustration at my LO. Not proud of it at all and still beat myself up about it regularly.
I would hazard a guess that you aren’t alone OP, lack of sleep combined with a crying baby tests most parents’ patience at some point.

All these people sharing stories of swearing at their children or telling a toddler they hate them are shameful.

Presumably the type of people that swear at their babies will take it as a green flag to continue. It’s really not though. It’s shameful behaviour and you shouldn’t do it.

I’m glad you feel bad, hopefully it won’t be repeated

Nurofen is much better than calpol for teething pain and anbesol oil is also very good. They can be used together.

Yup I’ll admit to a sleep deprived, ear bashed ‘for fucks sake what do you want from me?!?’. There was a photo taken not long after (I’d been trying to get her to sleep because she was clearly knackered so sent it to DP with a wailing text of my own) and I still can’t look at it without huge waves of guilt.

The crying triggers something in you and your whole instinct is to make it better so when you can’t the pressure is extraordinary. It’s okay, we all have limits and to be honest if swearing at her is you breaking that’s not the worst it could be. It’s bad but I bet you don’t do it again out loud.

Also, I found ibuprofen (nurofen)much better for teething pain - you can alternate with paracetamol (calpol) too so give one and then the other two hours later so long as you stick within the individual dosage instructions. Give ibuprofen when she’s had a feed/something to eat to protect her stomach. Honestly, the difference with decent pain relief when she needs it could help you keep that last thread of sanity intact.

We've all done it, and this won't be the last time. Really, you fine, doesn't make you a bad mum.