Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lost it and swore at young DD

59 replies

EeeyMacarena · 02/12/2019 18:46

Hi all. Name changed for this as I’m so upset and ashamed 😢

DD is 10 months old and in the midst of teething, so is spectacularly grumpy. She was refusing to sleep, even after Calpol and teething gel, so in desperation I put her in the pram and took her for a walk around town, which normally sends her off to sleep if nothing else works. She cried for the entire 15/20 minute walk and was getting more and more worked up with each minute.

I stopped and, thinking maybe she was hungry, I took her out of her pram and attempted to feed her, but she just kicked and thrashed and cried even more. I then tried to put her back in her pram but she arched her back, shrieked, and was rolling around like a crocodile which made it nigh on impossible to get the straps over her.

I admit that at this point I was at the end of my tether. She had been crying for most of the day and I was exhausted. But that’s no excuse. Sad As she continued to roll around I exclaimed ‘FFS DD’s name! Will you stop?!’. I didn’t shout it but it was louder than my normal speaking voice. She didn’t take much notice but continued to scream and thrash. Eventually I managed to strap her in and I just walked around and around town with her, and eventually she fell asleep.

I felt guilty and regretful as soon as I said it, and now I feel so bad Sad I know she was only crying because she was tired/in pain. I mean, like most mums I’ve gotten frustrated with her before, but I’ve never sworn AT her before Sad Feeling like a pretty awful mum right now. I would never hurt her and it never crossed my mind to, but the fact that I could get angry enough to swear at her....

Please say I’m not alone in this and others have done this Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
EeeyMacarena · 02/12/2019 19:48

@Derbee ‘The type of people’ that swear at their babies? Can you clarify what you mean by this?

Yes, I know I shouldn’t do it. Thank you for the condescension, though.

OP posts:
FabLaura · 02/12/2019 19:59

I've done it too and like you felt absolutely awful about it immediately after. Haven't done it since but never say never. It's hard and we all lose it at some point. Chin up, tomorrow's a new day 💐

busybarbara · 02/12/2019 20:02

Better to let your stress out verbally than physically as many parents sadly have done. Even more ideal if you can do it in a room away from your child but it is what it is.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 02/12/2019 20:08

@Derbee Why make OP feel any worse than she already does?

She’s guilt ridden looking for advice on a parenting site, she’s not going to go from that to bawling ‘Hurry the fuck up you little twat’ at her child Hmm.

I once lost it with my DS and hissed in his little face ‘Why won’t you sleep?!’. I didn’t swear but my tone was awful and I feel terrible about it nearly 10 years on. Is that better because I didn’t swear?

horse4course · 02/12/2019 20:08

As a parent you're not required to be perfect. Children learn about the normal range of human emotions from you and yes, that includes anger. It's not ok if you're angry all the time but the odd snap just happens.

It's probably about 0.0000001% of your time with her, just forget it. I find it can help to say 'sorry I snapped' even if the kid is too young to understand.

When she's a toddler she'll try to push you into snapping to see where the boundaries are. It's normal.

Olivapopespopcorn · 02/12/2019 20:09

Give yourself a break, you didn't mean it and you are only human. Hope she settles for you very soon.

stophuggingme · 02/12/2019 20:12

@Derbee

Slow hand clap
Not

sweeneytoddsrazor · 02/12/2019 20:22

There us akways one sanctimonious holier than thou poster

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/12/2019 20:23

All these people sharing stories of swearing at their children or telling a toddler they hate them are shameful.

Presumably the type of people that swear at their babies will take it as a green flag to continue. It’s really not though. It’s shameful behaviour and you shouldn’t do it.

I wondered how long it would take for the paragon of virtue to appear.

cunningartificer · 02/12/2019 20:30

Talking of paragons of virtue.. I once went to confession because I was feeling so awful about losing my temper and shouting at my child when it was really work issues causing the stress. The very kind, very sensible priest was not at all pious about it but gave me good advice and a bit of back up when I was in a dark place. Really virtuous people don’t judge others, they help them to be better next time.

Randomname85 · 02/12/2019 20:34

You’re a mum at the end of her tether and you lost it, that’s ok Flowers

Have you tried a carrier/sling? Sounds like she was pretty miserable crying the whole time in the pram - just wondering if being upright and held tight might have made a difference?

Ophicleide · 02/12/2019 20:37

I never, ever swore at or in the presence of my children, and if I had posted 15 years ago (which I was doing Confused), I would probably have been immensely smug.

I am now staggering towards the end of the teenage years, and am muttering "Oh FFS" at least once every day where the 15 yo is concerned. I try to do it once she has left the house, but am not always successful. I don't shout, but that's merely because I've never shouted at anyone, ever. Not moral superiority, just the way I'm made. So no judgement from me.

carly2803 · 02/12/2019 20:55

we have ALLL done it!!

please dont feel bad OP - she will not remember it.

How many times do people with toddlers swear under their breathe?! haha

I was sat on the toilet the other day willling the child to shush for 2 minutes, nope.... "for fucks sake", then go into room and deal with child

they wont be scared!

burnagirl · 02/12/2019 21:14

Tired mother at the end of her tether snapped.

END OF THE WORLD.

Not.

OP, don't be so fucking dramatic. You swore. So? You do realise that you don't become an emotionless robot the minute you give birth? If anything, it's the stoic parents who never show a glimpse of negative emotion who creep me out a bit.

Andysbestadventure · 02/12/2019 21:24

This is why teething hurts so bad. And why kids can suffer so much with it. And this is AFTER teething. Imagine the pain when it's the first teeth cutting up through the bone! 😭

Lost it and swore at young DD
Original poster
EeeyMacarena · 02/12/2019 21:24

@burnagirl 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
EeeyMacarena · 02/12/2019 21:25

@Andysbestadventure Oh wow, no wonder she was so miserable!

OP posts:
rumandbiscuits · 02/12/2019 21:34

I shouted at my LG today and have been beating myself up about it ever since as well OP so you aren't alone.
I put the tea in the oven and after 25mins when it was due to be ready took it out it was uncooked! She has turned the temp down to 100 degrees! She's only 20 months and keeps fiddling with the oven knobs. I was stressed anyway today and very tired, felt like everything was going wrong and it just tipped me over the edge. I shouted at her to stop touching the oven knobs and that her tea wasn't ready now (she was hungry) and it was all her fault and then told her to go away Sad she turned and walked away and then started crying, it broke my heart and I've been upset about it ever since. I don't even think she remembers now and literally cried a few seconds until I gave her a hug and has shown no signs of being upset since but I just worry that it will effect her brain development. It's shit being a parent sometimes, we aren't super human we can only do our best and at least we realise we made a mistake and can show them that.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 02/12/2019 21:35

Aww massive hugs OP. Actually hugs to all of us. It's hard being a mum sometimes and I don't think you're in the minority of people who've shouted or sworn at your child. I've been there! The guilt afterwards is awful. We are only human though ♥

Josephinebettany · 02/12/2019 21:38

I don't really think that's that bad because DC couldn't understand you and doesn't have a clue what U said. I think it would be worse if you swore at a 3 year old

TheDarkPassenger · 02/12/2019 21:40

I’ve definitely asked my baby when she’s going to shut the fuck up at some point.

I felt bad but it also felt good to get it out and I calmed down and that was that, she’s 5 now and I reckon if she had the vocabulary available to her she would have probably told me to shut the fuck up at some point too

RoseGoldEagle · 02/12/2019 21:41

You’re human! The situation was incredibly stressful and going on for ages (of course I appreciate it was horrible for your DD too!), and you snapped, it’s completely understandable. Yeah of course not ideal, but it doesn’t make you a terrible parent. Please go easy on yourself. Teething is bloody awful, for her as well as you, you sound like you’re doing a great job, she won’t remember that one second of snapping in amongst the many thousands of hours of love and kindness and patience you show her xx

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 02/12/2019 21:43

Anbesol saved my sanity when my twins were teething is the only thing that worked. Toddler twins + depression is a terrible combination and I wouldn't like to remember the number of times I've felt on the brink. I always make sure I apologise to them when I've lost my rag and shouted at them.

OwlBeThere · 02/12/2019 21:46

You’re only human. The fact that you feel so awful shows that you are a good parent who just reached the end of her rope.
If I had a quid for every time I’d shouted at one of my kids I’d be doing quite well financially. X you are not alone.

Whatsername177 · 02/12/2019 21:49

Stop being so hard on yourself. Ok, don't make a habit of it. But, you are human. Try again tomorrow. I have two girls, I've lost my temper and hated myself for it. It's a waste of energy. Flowers