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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance split - what’s fair

284 replies

Taraohara · 01/12/2019 19:36

Parents who are not Outwardly wealthy but saves carefully for their children.

They have 5 children oldest pretty well off . 6 figure salary. House around £1 million mark and London rental. No kids. 2nd eldest, stable job comfortably off. Old enough to have been able to get on property ladder . Nice house. 3rd Newly married One baby. Stable job. Small house . Unlikely to manage next house for considerable time due to wages. 4th chaotic . Drink / drugs issues lives with parents. Youngest is single just starting out in work . Lives with parents. No savings .

What’s best way to split inheritance?
Equal for all?
Or split according to how much each would need ?
Not a thread about If inheritance is to be expected or not .
One parent thinks it should be equal split as unequal may lead to problems down the line

YABU = split equally
YANBU = according to need

OP posts:
AliBear90 · 01/12/2019 19:38

YABU, equal is the fairest way I would say.

soph7777 · 01/12/2019 19:40

YABU - split equally.

Redshoeblueshoe · 01/12/2019 19:40

Equal.

CherryPavlova · 01/12/2019 19:40

I’d think it was for the people who have something to pass on to discuss. Assumedly, one spouse will in time outlive the other and the decision will be theirs alone.

You can’t tell how much might be eaten up in care home few either.

Catapillarsruletheworld · 01/12/2019 19:41

Equal for all. It’s the only fair way.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/12/2019 19:41

Yabu - split equally

LaurieFairyCake · 01/12/2019 19:41

I would always say equal

You haven't posted how much money is available but if you're talking greater than 100k each then equal

If less then I'd maybe think about the youngests needs

iknowimcoming · 01/12/2019 19:42

YABU - equal shares all the way - can't see how a parent could/would do anything else imho

ivykaty44 · 01/12/2019 19:43

You never know what might change, so if millionaires house goes bankrupt & you left them 2pence but 3rd child wins the lottery and gets thousands in inheritance- that be be pretty cruel

ReadtheSmallPrint · 01/12/2019 19:43

Assumedly, one spouse will in time outlive the other and the decision will be theirs alone.

Not necessarily. When DH and I were writing our wills with a solicitor we were given the option that the wills could be written so that when one spouse died the other could not then change their will. Can’t remember the legal term but I’m sure someone will.

CalmFizz · 01/12/2019 19:44

I think whatever decision is made, the best thing is to communicate, particularly when going out of the norm and not splitting equally.

Grief is a tricky thing, and money brings out the worst in people. If the decision is made that you want to assist certain children financially more then explain that, and that it has absolutely no bearing on your feelings of love for each of them.

AltheaVestr1t · 01/12/2019 19:44

Equal. No one is able to assess another’s needs in a way that could make it fair any other way.

Clymene · 01/12/2019 19:45

I think it has to be equal. Don't penalise success any more than you would reward failure (unless there are any additional needs)

Northernsoullover · 01/12/2019 19:45

My sister is seriously minted and doesn't 'need' any money at all. I'm broke (I'm just not as clever as her Grin) if we were lucky enough to get an inheritance then splitting equally is what my parents plan. I couldn't see you could do it any other way.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 01/12/2019 19:46

Equally, or not at all. Who knows what they might need later down the line, I would be concerned about the chaotic addict killing themselves and might set up a trust etc with conditions. I know an older couple whose youngest is like this (he's nearly sixty), they've paid for rehab, nailed him out given him somewhere to live, many many times. He was never around for his children who are now adults and have children of their own who he has never met, even though they've tried to build a relationship with him. The older couple have given his share of their estate to his children in their will. He doesn't know yet. I do understand their view, he's already had a lot more help than his siblings and the others will all make sure their own children and grandchildren are looked after, whereas if he inherits it's likely to mainly go up his nose and to the local off licence and one of his children has a disabled son and could really benefit from the money.

luckygreeneyes · 01/12/2019 19:47

Equal, always equal

Dollymixture22 · 01/12/2019 19:47

Equal. Life is a long journey with many ups and downs. The status of the kids will change over the years.

Keep things fair. Don’t cause resentment,

Chloemol · 01/12/2019 19:48

@ReadtheSmallPrint. Do you mean mirror wills? I would never do them, my aunt has one, her husband died nearly 30 years ago quite young, the family situation has changed dramatically and there is nothing she can do

IAmNotAWitch · 01/12/2019 19:49

@ReadtheSmallPrint

Those are called Mutual Wills.

A mutual will CAN be changed (wills can always be rewritten/changed if you have capacity) but a mutual will means that the beneficiaries are that will can sue for breach of contract.

OP. Equal split everytime.

CalmFizz · 01/12/2019 19:52

Did anyone see a programme on the bbc about 8 years ago with Gerry Robinson where he’d meet with families who didn’t know what to do about their wills/inheritance. It was fascinating seeing people struggle to assess their situations, with family business, children with disabilities, step children, age gaps etc. It’s easy for people to feel slighted if there’s no communication involved.

Have any of the children had financial assistance before now? House deposits/wedding etc? Some people have set aside that younger children who’ve not yet bought a home/wed will have £x more to balance if their parents passed away before they reached those milestones.

IAmNotAWitch · 01/12/2019 19:53

@Chloemol

Mirror wills are not "binding" in the same way as mutual wills.

They are just lazy/efficient drafting. Basically, exactly the same will but with the names of the testators swapped.

DH and I have mirror wills as we got married very young, only children are children of the marriage and all assets are joint/considered joint.

selfhelpneeded · 01/12/2019 19:55

I think it's ok to help children according to need whilst alive and you can explain things etc. Splitting inheritance unequally would be the legacy you leave your children that some deserve more than others

cptartapp · 01/12/2019 19:56

Equal split. DH has had nothing whilst SIL got £10k house deposit and all her wedding paid for and I cannot tell you how that has made him feel.
It doesn't matter if one is a millionaire and one a pauper. Always equal split.

ReadtheSmallPrint · 01/12/2019 19:57

Yes, @IAmNotAWitch, that was the term I think. DH and I elected not to have mutual wills as we are in our early 40s and a lot could happen (hopefully) between now and one of us being left alone.

@Chloemol your aunt’s situation is precisely why DH and I chose not to have that type of will - although we were given the option. We are relatively young (as are our kids) and we don’t know what the future will hold.

RachelEllenR · 01/12/2019 19:59

Generally equal but, like a PP said, if older ones have had previous help with house deposits/weddings etc I may make an extra provision for them