Inheritance split - what’s fair

[Taraohara]

Parents who are not Outwardly wealthy but saves carefully for their children.

They have 5 children oldest pretty well off . 6 figure salary. House around £1 million mark and London rental. No kids. 2nd eldest, stable job comfortably off. Old enough to have been able to get on property ladder . Nice house. 3rd Newly married One baby. Stable job. Small house . Unlikely to manage next house for considerable time due to wages. 4th chaotic . Drink / drugs issues lives with parents. Youngest is single just starting out in work . Lives with parents. No savings .

What’s best way to split inheritance?
Equal for all?
Or split according to how much each would need ?
Not a thread about If inheritance is to be expected or not .
One parent thinks it should be equal split as unequal may lead to problems down the line

YABU = split equally
YANBU = according to need

The only time I'd ever advocate anything other than an equal split is if you have a sibling with special needs and needed ongoing care and support.

I was talking a while ago with friends on this subject, and one of them said you need to treat inheritance as a gift and never anything you're entitled to. Wise words I thought.

Will be unpopular but based on the information I would not do an equal split. Children with kids get priority they a) need it more b) they will actually continue the family line c) they are making a sacrifices to keep society going.

Is there such a thing as a Virgin Mary Complex?

Literally just had all these convos within my family! My parents have considered ‘gifts’ already given towards house deposits in their final distribution between the three of us. This is because I and my brother both received the same amount whilst our sister (eldest) received significantly more for hers, due to the complexity of house purchasing and lack of mortgage availability in the country where she lives.

We were asked by our parents and all agreed it was fairest to adjust her share for that reason. In your situation without there having been any major imbalances to date equal seems completely fair.

Hated talking about it. Just want my parents to live forever really 😔

Equal split. Why should the successful kids miss out just cos they didn’t fuck up their lives? Dreadful message to send

So you are the one with the baby, right?

I think unequal can be fine, tbh. I don't think equality exists anyway.

My brothers were druggies & I was the sensible kid. One of my druggie brothers had a druggie kid... My mother asked me to promise to give my brothers' their share of her cash but only if they could get clean within 2 years; sober brother I gave equal share right away. Lost-hope brother, I gave all his share to his 3 kids... but unevenly.

My 2 nieces (one druggie, one sensible) will inherit a large separate trust fund. My nephew will never inherit anything else, so I planned that nephew got ~60% of his dad's inheritance. I couldn't give him 'equal share' in good conscience. Over time, Sensible niece got most of the other 40%.

When my gran recently died, my father & his twin (joint eldest, financially secure) put their shares back in the pot for their 4 younger siblings to equally benefit from. No substance abusers in that sibling set, thank goodness. They are a close & loving family(!)

None, donate to Cats protection league

Or even

You can’t tell what a person’s ‘need’ is.
Ie. 1 million house costs more to run than person living at home, who has no household bills,

Drugs/drinks - needs money to pay for rehab

Not as straightforward as it seems,

Equal, for the child with dependency issues they should probably look at their portion being put into a vulnerable persons trust.

Equal for all is the only fair way - why should others be penalised for being older/more career focused ? Each will benefit equally, as is right.

Equal. Plain as.

However... DH's parents will likely leave 1M or so when they pass, unless they live into record-breaking territory - they are currently both in their late 80s. DiLs both have continuing work pensions with death benefits once they pass, as well as the basic government pensions. They also hold significant investments. Their final arrangements have been planned and paid for - the headstone is even in place as it is a family plot.

They have only 2 DCs, and the plan is to split the estate equally. DH is a responsible family man, we do not own a house, but are comfortable with that at this point, as the market is unsustainable where we live, so we are saving up to purchase when the time is right.

DSiL has faced significant mental health and addiction challenges since she was a young teen. She was adopted and was born with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. She is unable to manage that amount of money, so it will be put into trust and managed by DH when the time comes.

They will both be the recipients of the same amount of money, but DH will help DSiL with money management, and be her "conscience" when it comes to large purchases.

Equal - no matter what people need and want, there can be an assumption that the split of funds indicates differences in care for the recipients. No matter how rich you are, being cut out of a will must feel like a hurtful act, there's a lot of emotional baggage that's likely to go with it.

In our family DSis1 has no need of any financial help, DSis2 and I are both a bit poorer. As far as I'm aware my parents will split everything equally as this is the easiest way not to cause any arguments or resentment later.

@StCharlotte is what I say wrong? certainly at least with the youngest one it is arguable if leaving them any money will do them any good if it will just be going down the drain. And yes of course children that continue the family should feel supported. At any case I am keeping any money I leave in a trust fund. It will give all members a small income (my children and any future generations). No one can access all of it but can borrow money from it at a better rate then the bank (rate to pay back will depend on what the loan is for. So for example a house or Uni will be a lower rate then a holiday for example) also will impose a rule that the money they get correlates to the money they put in. That way I can insure money is there for future generations and not squandered by one individual

Just out of interest, why can't a survivor simply shred an existing mutual Will and write a new one? Who is to know, if potential beneficiaries didn't know it existed?

Or, if the survivor remarried, does that negate an existing mutual Will as it would an 'ordinary' one?

@BuzzShitbagBobbly not sure but when I had my will done the solicitor insisted on having a none family neutral person there to act as a person who knows about my will, has a second copy, and will ensure that the will is followef through

Equal.

@BuzzShitbagBobbly also it is there can be certain rules set in place in which order the inheritance will pass down. So for example you can say it will belong to DC and after DC passes away it goes to GC rather then the spouse. Not sure if DCs will can trump that though

Under no circumstances would I allow even a whisper of a charity in my will.

I have seen some appalling behaviour from charities seeking to get as bigger cut as possible/push probate through asap when they have been included. No care whatsoever for the other beneficiaries/grieving family or friends.

If I wanted to leave money to a charity I would tell one of my beneficiaries and hope they would follow my wishes, however I figure once I am dead I am dead so it doesn't really matter if they don't.

You can shred a mutual will and write a new one. However, mutual wills have a flavour of a contract as well as a will so assuming the beneficiaries/someone under the old mutual will knew of existence they could bring an action for breach of contract against the executor of the new (not mutual) will.

I am in OZ so I am not 100% sure on the marriage/divorce arrangements as they are in the UK today, but yes marriage/divorce have an effect on the validity of wills (possibly including mutual wills) that people need to be aware of. It is more complicated than just completely wiping out the will (some gifts will stand) but if you get married or divorced you really need to double check your will situation.

Anyone can write a will at any time (assuming capicity) and usually the last will standing will be the one that 'wins'. So in my mirror will situation, I (or DH) could skip off to a lawyer tomorrow and write a new will which is not a mirror will and not tell the other party. This would be an appalling breach of trust, but the new (secret) will would be the valid one (though in my jurisdiction we have Family Provision etc etc).

This is a complicated area of law, and I am just chatting - please don't take any of my statements as any sort of advice (or act on them!).

My parents divided their estate in two. One half to me because I 'have no pension' and my parents were concerned for my old age.The other half to my sibling's two children because my sib 'has a great pension' so our parents decided to give 'his' half in trust for his children to offer them a start.

My sib is pissed off that he's not getting money. My three offspring are pissed off that their cousins are getting wealth in trust they don't receive.
But it's my parents' money.
It's not mine, it's not his, it's not the grandkids' money.

Agree with always equal unless there is a child with a disability requiring long term help.

We have a real black sheep of the family who is a really nasty piece of work. My parents are still splitting their wills equally. I think it’s the right thing to do. Splitting things equally takes the emotion out of the decision. No one can be upset about and equal split.

@MeTheCoolOne does it not bother you that the black sheep is not seeing full consequences for their actions yet you who are not causing grief or trouble are in the end treated the same?

Equal split, but ,leaving the druggie's share in trust with appointed trustees to ensure it isn't spent on drugs, and to hopefully encourage druggie to go through detox and rehabilitation with the funds. .

@redappleandaquamarinebow1987 a 'delinquent' child is still a child.

@IAmNotAWitch of course but I have seen with my own eyes what one bad apple can do to the family assets etc. To see hard earned money going on bad life choices or spoiling a person to become idle is a real threat

I think equal. If the 'children' then want to help siblings out according to their needs, they can chose to do that with their inheritance