Inheritance split - what’s fair

[Taraohara]

Parents who are not Outwardly wealthy but saves carefully for their children.

They have 5 children oldest pretty well off . 6 figure salary. House around £1 million mark and London rental. No kids. 2nd eldest, stable job comfortably off. Old enough to have been able to get on property ladder . Nice house. 3rd Newly married One baby. Stable job. Small house . Unlikely to manage next house for considerable time due to wages. 4th chaotic . Drink / drugs issues lives with parents. Youngest is single just starting out in work . Lives with parents. No savings .

What’s best way to split inheritance?
Equal for all?
Or split according to how much each would need ?
Not a thread about If inheritance is to be expected or not .
One parent thinks it should be equal split as unequal may lead to problems down the line

YABU = split equally
YANBU = according to need

I’m a lawyer working in contentious probate, so all my work is dealing with family disputes over wills etc. It’s such interesting work. Most of the disputes arise when the share between siblings is unequal, so I would go equal spilt all the way. People are grieving, hidden resentments come to the fore and money brings out the worst in people.
But why should the ones who have been successful receive less than those who have not yet? They might have worked harder, made better choices etc, and might also have more debts, be more overworked and an inheritance might help them or their kids. The younger siblings might not have had the time or opportunity yet to reach the same level as their older siblings but might be in a similar situation to the more successful ones by their current age.
People view inheritances as a last indication of love and affection, if some are favoured in a will over others it needs to be fully explained or those who missed out will feel a lasting sadness or resentment which is difficult to resolve as their parents are now gone.
It can be more difficult if one adult child has provided care to elderly parents and the others havent, but that could be resolved through lifetime gifts rather than in the will itself.
Really the OP’s parents need to see a good wills solicitor, decide what they are doing after getting advice and then tell all the children what is in the will (and explaining things if necessary and writing a letter to be kept with the will to explain things) so it’s not a shock.

As for the drug addict child, they may well recover and need the money, it could be put into a trust for their benefit and a letter written to that child to set out why it’s being dealt with that way, so the money could be saved for later or used to pay their rent / rehab etc.
The last thing you all want is to have a huge fight afterwards about the will and inheritance, it keeps me in a job but it’s very damaging to all parties and expensive.

The will probably should be equal, but if they're genuinely minted then they might consider giving something, big or small, to numbers 3-5 now [possibly in trust or something for number 4?] to reflect the way that property prices went bonkers in the 00s. Doing something like that would make the money go where it'd be appreciated the most.

Equal split. It's the only way. And I say that as the "poor" recipient of the equal split of an inheritance. My sister lives at home, no mortgage, no children, no financial commitments apart from a token rent. I have all of the above money issues in spades. Still think it was fair.

Calmfizz- yes i saw the programme if its the one where a farmers daughter was cut out because the dad had SONS TO LEAVE IT ALL TO yes i know that was shouting but I still feel like shouting

Equal split unless the parents review their will regularly. For example, what if one of the younger ones nurses one or the other parent in their old age? Or has a debilitating accident and requires expensive care themselves? Thinking of examples that aren’t just that the younger ones are worse off than the older sibs!

Could be worth saying I dunno, £50k each in trust for younger sibs with the remainder split equally.

Equal
My siblings and l are on the receiving end of an unequal split for very sound reasons. Sound to my parents, as were all the other decisions they made in favour of one particular child. We all get on as it's their money to do what they want with and there is no real point in whining about it but it does grate ...

Equal. To do otherwise leaves the children to deal with resentment and arguments.

I don't know what to do with the feelings this has brought up for me, particularly at this time of year. My sibling has been promised 3/4 of the estate. It's just awful, awful. So sad.

Oh and its not about the money

Always equal. OH's father died leaving a very brief will in which he said that his 3 oldest children had had lots already (thanks to maternal inheritance from ex wife) and therefore his money all went to his 2 youngest children, who were more likely to need it. Eldest children were very sad that they didn't warrant any more mention in his will than that. Father and stepmother had helped themselves to some of the eldest children's inheritance, due to a loophole that stated all of the children (rather than explicitly of the mother) and then the stepmother went off with the father's best friend and refused to even give the eldest children momentos to remember their father by, so all very unsavoury.

Fairest way is always equal, regardless of circumstances.