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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that damage has been done.

54 replies

Spiceupyourlife1 · 01/12/2019 19:14

I drank heavily 3 times during the first 8 weeks of my pregnancy not knowing I was pregnant. Baby was born all in the 75th percentile with all her measurements/weight ect. She has been following her growing curve too. I cannot shake this guilt that I've caused damage in those early days of pregnancy. I have been looking for signs and since she got diagnosed with a vsd i have gone on overdrive. One of the signs is hockey stick palmer crease which is all I can see now. She also has epicanthal folds which is also linked. She is hitting all her milestones and except from these things I keep finding she is a happy baby who sleeps alot and smiles alot. Am I being unreasonable to think I've caused neurological damage? Sorry if I sound ridiculous, a very guilty mum here.

OP posts:

ISmellBabies · 01/12/2019 19:20

Bloody hell op, stop obsessing! 3 times!! If that caused problems we'd all have them. Loads of people don't know they're pregnant until 6, 8, 10 weeks in. Don't worry about it. She's fine, and absolutely adorable!

isitxmasyet · 01/12/2019 19:21

Reported
You should not be a putting a photo of a child up on a website with millions of readers

Mrscog · 01/12/2019 19:22

Honestly OP, she’s beautiful, and a bloody supply isn’t shared until 5-6 weeks in anyway (not that this is a green card to drink but it does make a scientific difference).

Is it a small VSD? If so probably nothing to worry about.

marshmallowss · 01/12/2019 19:23

Another sign is also a smooth philtrum (between nose and mouth, which your baby clearly does not have.
Stop beating yourself up about this. There are SO many parents who don't find out until 8-10 weeks and may have drank heavily.
You don't woman to look back in a few years and realise you've wasted all that time worrying. She's perfect

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/12/2019 19:25

She definitely doesn’t have a smooth philtrum. So many mums to be drink before they know they are pregnant, stop beating yourself up about it.

Quebeth · 01/12/2019 19:28

You should not be a putting a photo of a child up on a website with millions of readers

Entirely up to her as the baby’s mother. Do you say the same about babies in the newspaper? Babies who model clothes?

RachelEllenR · 01/12/2019 19:29

I didn't know what a hockey stick palmer crease was - so I looked it up and I have it too and so does my daughter and we are both fine. Your baby is beautiful and sounds like she is developing brilliantly.

Cauliflowerhead · 01/12/2019 19:29

isitxmasyet plenty of posters have pictures of their kids on their profiles

Lotus90 · 01/12/2019 19:29

This thread should be reported. This is irresponsible

DesMartinsPetCat · 01/12/2019 19:33

My brother has a child (who he adopted) with fetal alcohol syndrome. She exhibits a lot of the usual traits, and the psychological impact was evident in her from very early. She didn’t meet many milestones at all. Her birth mother was an alcoholic who was drinking constantly during pregnancy.

Just looked at my own hand and my palmar crease is also hockey-shaped. My mother never drank alcohol until I was an adult.

chipmunkscheeks · 01/12/2019 19:37

Palmar crease - likely irrelevant (I have one, my mum is a lifelong teetotal). Epicanthal folds are more likely to represent ethnic mix and there is a background risk of VSD in any baby, irrespective of the drinking. None of the things you suggest represent signs of neurological damage. You need to find a way of resolving this thought pattern for yourself - if you can't on your own, seek advice from GP?

Skyechasemarshalontheway · 01/12/2019 20:01

I've never heard of the hockey crease until your thread.

From googling I've realised my hand has them, my mum never drank when pregnant so I'd try to not worry.

Shes beautiful. I would have a word with your gp about your worries they may be able to ease them for you.

doublebarrellednurse · 01/12/2019 20:13

Honestly. And I say this sincerely. Get some support. Your anxiety isn't healthy for you or the baby and will have much more damage than drinking before she was 8 weeks gestation.

SmileyClare · 01/12/2019 20:18

VSDs are usually a genetic condition (inherited) and very common. It's good that it's been picked up early, some are not detected until adulthood.
It would be very unexpected for a baby with foetal alcohol syndrome to not have growth and developmental delays.

Perhaps raise this with a HCP? They could refer/advise and perhaps run tests?

Keeping it all bottled up and torturing yourself is not going to help. Don't let this become an obsession. If you are regularly plagued by guilt and feelings of being an inadequate mother, this can be a sign of pnd.

Menora · 01/12/2019 20:25

I didn’t drink that I recall, but my child has quite pronounced epicanthial folds (we have no Asian heritage I know of) which initially looked like a bad squint, and she is now 15 and you can still see it. This is in part to having a very tiny small nose with a flat bridge. She may still grow more and this could even out, but it may not.

Please try not to worry

nutbrownhare15 · 01/12/2019 20:29

I had a binge when 4 weeks pregnant and I didn't know. I was worried too.and did some reading around, my understanding is that in the very early weeks (so in your case too) heavy drinking is very unlikely to cause long term damage.

churchandstate · 01/12/2019 20:30

The OP can put a photo of her child anywhere she wants.

Baby looks fine to me, and cute!

Stegosaurus1990 · 01/12/2019 20:32

Can someone please tell pampers about the baby picture issue pls? They might not realise they have a photo of their child on display on each and everyone of their nappy bags...

BlobbyTheLump · 01/12/2019 20:36

@isitxmasyet have a day off.

Do you post the same on threads where the OP shows off their newborn?

comfysocks8516 · 01/12/2019 20:37

Completely baffled as to why people are reporting - How is it different from Facebook? Don’t let people make you feel worse OP. I did similar without knowing I was pregnant - don’t stress!

hidinginthenightgarden · 01/12/2019 20:47

Honestly, at thta stage in pregnancy, any real damage would have caused miscarraige. Most people I know drank before they found out. All the babies are fine!

HanginWithMyGnomies · 01/12/2019 21:12

@Spiceupyourlife1 I’m not sure if this is the right way to put this, but it’s really distasteful to post a picture of your baby (as gorgeous as she is) to a forum of strangers to garner opinions as to whether you e damaged her! I can see why people are offended by it.

BingoLittlesUncle · 01/12/2019 21:17

You should not be a putting a photo of a child up on a website with millions of readers

There's another thread asking for the most ridiculous thing you've read on MN. I now have my answer.

Whatsername177 · 01/12/2019 21:20

In the early weeks the baby doesn't share your blood supply. The foetus is nourished by a yolk sac before the placenta takes over at 10 weeks ish. So you can discount the heavy drinking before then - it will not have harmed your baby. She looks beautiful and healthy. She will grow in to her features and plump out. I work with children with foetal alcohol syndrome and their mothers drank heavily and continually whilst pregnant. However, the damage caused varies hugely. You haven't harmed your baby. If you are struggling and feeling anxious, please speak to someone. I had similar health anxieties with both of my children. With dd1, she was my pub. DHS phoned the helpline when she vomited part of her feed! My life was turned upside down and I struggled to cope. Panicking about her health was the way it manifested. She had colic and cried for hours a day so, in my head, that justified my worry because I felt it meant there was a problem. There wasn't, she grew out of it. With dd2, she was a rainbow. I bled in pregnancy and then she had to be rescusitated as she had the cord around her neck. Despite this, I was no where near as anxious as I was with dd1. But, it was still there. Having a healthy dd1 helped because I knew then dd2 would be fine too, and she is! Try to enjoy your lovely baby.

polkadotpixie · 01/12/2019 21:24

My son's eyes are like this and I'm teetotal and was long before and during pregnancy so I wouldn't worry on that score

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