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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spite myself by not keeping this gift

68 replies

Deminism · 01/12/2019 16:30

A woman who does not like me and who I do not like has given me a lovely decorative gift in a supreme passive aggressive act (she gave one to each of us in a group for helping her out while at the same time making clear that she does not like me). It is very pretty. But if I keep it I think I will always look at t and think that is from that woman who does not like me and makes me feel shit. On the other hand it is lovely and exactly what I would have bought for myself had I seen it.

OP posts:
mrsbyers · 01/12/2019 16:32

I’d keep it and think eff her everytime I see it and smile

Inebriati · 01/12/2019 16:34

Compromise - put it away and then take it out in a years time after the drama has become history.

Cheesecake53 · 01/12/2019 16:34

I would give myself three weeks to decide whether to keep it. If you end up hating it, it won't survive three weeks in hour home :)

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 01/12/2019 16:36

Keep it knowing that she inadvertently made you happy and it would probably piss her off if she knew how much you like it.

selfhelpneeded · 01/12/2019 16:37

Why were you helping her out if you don't like each other?

Etinox · 01/12/2019 16:37

Keep it and use it as a prompt to make friends with her.

Original poster
Deminism · 01/12/2019 16:46

@selfhelpneeded because I am nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Deminism · 01/12/2019 16:47

@Etinox no no no. Not that nice

OP posts:
EC22 · 01/12/2019 16:49

She gave you a gift you like, the end.

selfhelpneeded · 01/12/2019 16:49

selfhelpneeded because I am nice.

Unless it was life or death you do not have to help people you don't like and that don't like you. It's not 'nice' it's doormat.
Keep it if you like it, put it away for a while then decide.

RedderAndRedder · 01/12/2019 16:49

Put it in a charity shop near her house and ask for it to go in the window!

HollowTalk · 01/12/2019 16:50

I wouldn't keep something like that in my house. Every time you look at it you will think of her and her opinion of you. Nothing's nice enough for that.

Kitkatfordinner · 01/12/2019 16:51

I had a lovely gift from a friend but it was made by a woman I don't like. Even though the item was lovely and from someone I liked I couldn't keep it. I knew it made no sense but I felt better when I got rid of it.

steff13 · 01/12/2019 16:52

You helped her because you're nice, maybe she gave you the gift because she's nice.

Etinox · 01/12/2019 16:53
Grin Keep it. Think positive thoughts every time you see it. Overwhelm her with thanks and gratitude. Become a better person. WinkGrin
FraglesRock · 01/12/2019 16:54

Look at it and smile
Because you genuinely like it
Because you did a lovely thing for someone
Because if she knew you like it, it'd annoy her!

Haworthia · 01/12/2019 16:54

I understand you might think the gift has bad juju, for want of a better word Grin

But think of it another way - you have managed to acquire an item you really love from someone you doesn’t like you. You made her spend money on you and must have been gritting her teeth as she handed it over.

But if the bad juju annoys you too much, get rid of it.

Loopytiles · 01/12/2019 16:56

I would keep it and disassociate my thoughts and feelings about this person from the pretty object! Have done this a few times.

GoingToWearPantiesLikeAnElf · 01/12/2019 17:03

OP you made me laugh...I am nice...no,no,no not that nice Grin Excellent.
ihopeyourcakeisshit has the right idea whose cake do you want to be shit?

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 01/12/2019 17:03

Do you have children in the same school? Can you donate it to the school as a raffle prize. 😁

StillCoughingandLaughing · 01/12/2019 17:03

A woman who does not like me and who I do not like has given me a lovely decorative gift in a supreme passive aggressive act (she gave one to each of us in a group for helping her out while at the same time making clear that she does not like me).

Is that really ‘supremely passive aggressive’? Are you sure she didn’t just think ‘Shit, I’ll have to buy her one as well or I’ll look like a total bitch’?

As for the ornament, compromise by keeping it, but placing a voodoo doll of the woman who have it to you next to it. That way you can just stick a pin in that every time you have murderous thoughts about her instead of being tempted to smash the ornament in spite.

mauvaisereputation · 01/12/2019 17:03

If she gave the gift to everyone in a group I don't see how it was a pass-agg act aimed at you. If it was me I'd keep but only you will know if it will cause you stress to do this!

ShetlandWife · 01/12/2019 17:05

Is there anyone else in the group that knows how you feel and shares that feeling?

If so, give her yours, she gives your hers. Then it's a gift from a friend ;)

Gingerkittykat · 01/12/2019 17:06

Ditch it, you will think of her when you look at her and you don't need to be giving someone you dislike more mental energy than the bare minimum.

Hopefloatsaway · 01/12/2019 17:07

I think as you’ve accepted it you should keep it. In future don’t accept

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